Breakup guilt

[Cannonball]

Look at the roster of some of the mid major teams in D-I that list TB Teams. You'll see a lot of them have 4 or 5 or 6 players from one TB organization. Actually, you'll see a couple each recruiting year.

 

[Nimrod]

what does this mean, exactly?
I can guess what it means, and am not too keen on the idea of travel teams carrying the "endorsements" of college coaches.

College coach recommended that DD get on a stronger team. Two assistants had watched her team and thought it left something to be desired. They didn't direct her to a specific team. We went exploring on our own. But when DD began to hone in on one organization, coach basically said 'yeah, that's what I'm talking about, like that coach, that team.' All this isn't what caused DD to leave former team. Probably made it easier though.

 

[FP26]

Nothing wrong with trying to do what her future coach wants....

DD is in a similar situation right now. She has decided to leave the team she has played for the past 3 years. Loved the team. Loved the players. Loved the coaches (I was one of them). She has moved to a team that has a much more aggressive schedule and better fits her long term goals. DD felt bad because of the friends she was leaving. I still feel bad because I coached most of those same players the last 3 years. But ultimately this is what DD wants, and I think she made the right decision. And now I get to sit on the outside of the fence and be a dad.

 

[Mylil32]

We were loyal to a team for 3 years and it bit us in the butt. In the end, you have to do whats right for your DD and her future, especially by 16U, loyalty is out the window.

 

[Easton33]

We were loyal to a team for 3 years and it bit us in the butt. In the end, you have to do whats right for your DD and her future, especially by 16U, loyalty is out the window.

Loyalty is never out the window.

Was this a paid coach? IMO, a paid coach is a different animal than a coach that volunteered his time to help make your daughter better and more marketable to colleges. If it is a paid coach then I would not say you are obligated 1 bit. You laid for his services, his services are no longer needed and you don't want to spend the money. Fair enough it is more like a contract that can be renewed yearly.
A volunteer coach has invested his time and effort to make your daughter better without any compensation besides seeing your daughter improve and having that little bit of loyalty. Did he show your dd loyalty by coaching her up vs bringing on a better player? Did he work hard to try and get your dd a scholarship? Regardless of where and who made the introductions, if your dd improved because of this coach then I would submit he is largely responsible for putting your dd in a position to be recruited. Maybe the college likes the team, maybe not, but if there was that little bit of loyalty maybe someone could explain that this coach was a factor in making the player as good as she is now.
You are correct, your dd will be seen as the girl that countless hours and effort has gone into to prepare her to receive an offer and abandoned the program after she got it. Rightly so it seems. Sorry I think the decision to move her is wrong IF this is a volunteer coach. I also believe the college should have no input in where or she plays for until she is their player.

 

[grcsftbll]

If she needs to move to a stronger team to prepare for college play, I don't see how it's wrong to do that. The move can be made gracefully and if the coach genuinely cares about the girls he coaches, he'll understand that, IMO.

 

[rdbass]

Nothing wrong with trying to do what her future coach wants....

DD is in a similar situation right now. She has decided to leave the team she has played for the past 3 years. Loved the team. Loved the players. Loved the coaches (I was one of them). She has moved to a team that has a much more aggressive schedule and better fits her long term goals. DD felt bad because of the friends she was leaving. I still feel bad because I coached most of those same players the last 3 years. But ultimately this is what DD wants, and I think she made the right decision. And now I get to sit on the outside of the fence and be a dad.

Welcome to the outfield;

 

[Nimrod]

Loyalty is never out the window.

Was this a paid coach? IMO, a paid coach is a different animal than a coach that volunteered his time to help make your daughter better and more marketable to colleges. If it is a paid coach then I would not say you are obligated 1 bit. You laid for his services, his services are no longer needed and you don't want to spend the money. Fair enough it is more like a contract that can be renewed yearly.
A volunteer coach has invested his time and effort to make your daughter better without any compensation besides seeing your daughter improve and having that little bit of loyalty. Did he show your dd loyalty by coaching her up vs bringing on a better player? Did he work hard to try and get your dd a scholarship? Regardless of where and who made the introductions, if your dd improved because of this coach then I would submit he is largely responsible for putting your dd in a position to be recruited. Maybe the college likes the team, maybe not, but if there was that little bit of loyalty maybe someone could explain that this coach was a factor in making the player as good as she is now.
You are correct, your dd will be seen as the girl that countless hours and effort has gone into to prepare her to receive an offer and abandoned the program after she got it. Rightly so it seems. Sorry I think the decision to move her is wrong IF this is a volunteer coach. I also believe the college should have no input in where or she plays for until she is their player.

I like and appreciate this post even though I either don't fully agree with it, or perhaps I haven't presented all the information. I do think loyalty should be a consideration. I don't believe in always do what is best for your daughter matter what. You are right to say consider other people's hard work and feelings. But loyalty is just one piece of the puzzle in my opinion. With DD, she wasn't fully satisfied or happy with the team. I first posted on this forum a few months ago to talk about concerns with players' motivation and work ethic. There is negativity with the players that is not addressed by the coaches. I also posted a few weeks later about a incident where a coach encouraged the players to have a players-only meeting that turned into a circle of shame where a teammate cut into her and no one came to her defense. It was not a case of 'This has been a great team, but I'm looking for one that's even greater.' It was really more like 'I appreciate my team and my coach, I got a lot out of it, but I can't get excited about returning, and on top of that, I have another opportunity that I believe will be better.'

 

[FP26]

Loyalty is an interesting concept. But IMO, it is a two-way street.

1) If a team/organization is not loyal to the players/families, they should not expect loyalty in return.
2) If a player/family is not loyal to the team/organization, they should not expect loyalty in return.

Some people are realistic in their expectations and are willing to accept responsibility for their actions, as those actions may have led to some of the problems they face at a later time. Others simply look for excuses to blame all of their troubles on. Looking in the mirror can tell you a lot about yourself, if you are willing to be honest...

nimrod - this post is not directed at you or anyone else, just a general post.

 

[Easton33]

Loyalty is never out the window.

Was this a paid coach? IMO, a paid coach is a different animal than a coach that volunteered his time to help make your daughter better and more marketable to colleges. If it is a paid coach then I would not say you are obligated 1 bit. You laid for his services, his services are no longer needed and you don't want to spend the money. Fair enough it is more like a contract that can be renewed yearly.
A volunteer coach has invested his time and effort to make your daughter better without any compensation besides seeing your daughter improve and having that little bit of loyalty. Did he show your dd loyalty by coaching her up vs bringing on a better player? Did he work hard to try and get your dd a scholarship? Regardless of where and who made the introductions, if your dd improved because of this coach then I would submit he is largely responsible for putting your dd in a position to be recruited. Maybe the college likes the team, maybe not, but if there was that little bit of loyalty maybe someone could explain that this coach was a factor in making the player as good as she is now.
You are correct, your dd will be seen as the girl that countless hours and effort has gone into to prepare her to receive an offer and abandoned the program after she got it. Rightly so it seems. Sorry I think the decision to move her is wrong IF this is a volunteer coach. I also believe the college should have no input in where or she plays for until she is their player.

Nimrod, this post is assuming all is good with current team. Bad attitudes that have not been addressed and shelved, poor coaching, or consistently weak game schedules are all good reasons to leave regardless of if the coach is paid or not. If the coach is not addressing these issues then it's OK to leave but you should probably let it be known exactly why you are leaving. If not, she will be remembered as that girl that left when she got her ride and abandoned the team.