- Apr 23, 2012
- 104
- 0
My daughter was always the big hitter in the past and when she got in this slop it was mentally tough for her to overcome and was beating herself up inside about it and I was just adding fuel to the fire.
One of the biggest problems I had with trying to help my daughter overcome some of her confidence issues was getting her to open up to me about what was going on in her head. I found that the only way for her to open up was to ask questions when she and I were just having fun talking or doing something other than anything ball related.
I personally have seen a big change in my daughters’ confidence and happiness when I changed the way I talked to her and commented while we’re practicing and my comments before and after games. I as a dad didn’t really understand that the comments and actions I done was a big issue. Reading up on articles about youth sports psychology helped open my eyes that the way I talked to her and the disapproval body posture I was sending out to her was one of the major issues in how she viewed herself and was killing her confidence and performance.
Before, at times I would make comments to her like “I can’t believe you let a girl as little as player X out hit you today” and after saying that I would tell her I was just joking with her. Now I ask myself how did she perceive my comment did she really think I was joking? We as adults know that in every negative comment someone says to us, about us or about someone else even if they say they’re just joking we know the person saying it believes in their mind that it’s somewhat true. As a parent I didn’t give my 11 year daughter credit to realize that, but I do now!
After reading the articles I went out that evening to work with my daughter and I began the session with talking with her and explaining that what I was doing by saying negative comments and showing discuss in her through my body language was wrong and I apologized to her and told her that I wasn’t going to act like that anymore. She didn’t believe me at first but after a few days practicing in the backyard she seen through my actions that I would follow through with my promise. That’s when I started seeing a big change in her confidence and she wasn’t shutting down anymore when I would explain what she was doing wrong and how we needed to correct it. By me changing the way I approached the situation being positive and resisting saying anything negative or showing disappointment in my body language she is now more relaxed and sees it as having fun with dad. She is also more open to what I’m teaching her and actually wants to practice longer.
By no means I’m I saying that this has cured up all my daughters’ confidence issues but I have seen a great improvement in her performance, confidence level and most of all our relationship with each other. I don’t want my daughter to believe that she is a failure in my eyes ever again. In my heart after looking at what I was doing and comments I was making to her (at the time I was saying them I believed that I was just being daddy and showing her tough love.) was making her feel like she was letting me down by failing to perform in games and at practice.
So dad's think about what you say and how you act in front of your daughters or you my to be facing the same issues as I.
I'm happy to report that last weekend she went 5-7 with 9 RBI's.
One of the biggest problems I had with trying to help my daughter overcome some of her confidence issues was getting her to open up to me about what was going on in her head. I found that the only way for her to open up was to ask questions when she and I were just having fun talking or doing something other than anything ball related.
I personally have seen a big change in my daughters’ confidence and happiness when I changed the way I talked to her and commented while we’re practicing and my comments before and after games. I as a dad didn’t really understand that the comments and actions I done was a big issue. Reading up on articles about youth sports psychology helped open my eyes that the way I talked to her and the disapproval body posture I was sending out to her was one of the major issues in how she viewed herself and was killing her confidence and performance.
Before, at times I would make comments to her like “I can’t believe you let a girl as little as player X out hit you today” and after saying that I would tell her I was just joking with her. Now I ask myself how did she perceive my comment did she really think I was joking? We as adults know that in every negative comment someone says to us, about us or about someone else even if they say they’re just joking we know the person saying it believes in their mind that it’s somewhat true. As a parent I didn’t give my 11 year daughter credit to realize that, but I do now!
After reading the articles I went out that evening to work with my daughter and I began the session with talking with her and explaining that what I was doing by saying negative comments and showing discuss in her through my body language was wrong and I apologized to her and told her that I wasn’t going to act like that anymore. She didn’t believe me at first but after a few days practicing in the backyard she seen through my actions that I would follow through with my promise. That’s when I started seeing a big change in her confidence and she wasn’t shutting down anymore when I would explain what she was doing wrong and how we needed to correct it. By me changing the way I approached the situation being positive and resisting saying anything negative or showing disappointment in my body language she is now more relaxed and sees it as having fun with dad. She is also more open to what I’m teaching her and actually wants to practice longer.
By no means I’m I saying that this has cured up all my daughters’ confidence issues but I have seen a great improvement in her performance, confidence level and most of all our relationship with each other. I don’t want my daughter to believe that she is a failure in my eyes ever again. In my heart after looking at what I was doing and comments I was making to her (at the time I was saying them I believed that I was just being daddy and showing her tough love.) was making her feel like she was letting me down by failing to perform in games and at practice.
So dad's think about what you say and how you act in front of your daughters or you my to be facing the same issues as I.
I'm happy to report that last weekend she went 5-7 with 9 RBI's.
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