When to cut your daughter loose?

[PlanoHeat]

I'll try to make this somewhat quick.

My daughter has played softball since she was 4 (she is now 12). I've been her coach for the last 7 years or so and she has played with the same team all but one season. This Spring we made an attempt to move her entire team over to playing tournaments. Due to the fact that we have girls that play other sports that take up chunks of their time and an unreal amount of rainouts they have not progressed like we had hoped. Another concern is we have a combo of 97 and 98 players so this would be the last Fall they could play together without moving all of them up to 14U.

Which brings me to the problem. She was offered a spot on another tournament team this week. It's an established program with a succesful coach. She would be playing with girls from her home town (she currently plays a town over). I know I have likely reached, or at the very least are close to reaching, the end of what I can teach her. Is it time to let her go and flourish in another team setting? If so how do I tell the parents and girls that I've coached (most of them their whole lives)?

I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side and I'm not concerned with her being on a winning team just a succesful one. I want her to be on a team with 9 other girls that are like minded.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation where you had to say I can't teach you what you need to know to take that next step?

Thanks!!

 

[Coach JV]

We had 2 coaches from a neighboring town bring their
girls to our team this spring. They truly miss being inside the fences
but have made the adjustment as their DD's are both thriving and happy.
They both watch practice like nervous hawks but never complain as the
girls are now in a solid program and have won a tournament and have
not finished lower than 4th this TB season. Icing on the cake was when we met their
old team last weekend and beat them 7-2 in pool play

 

[Cannonball]

I am turning my daughter loose this year and she just turned 17. She can play 16U but is playing 18U and some 18U Gold. I tried several times in the past to turn her over to someone else. It never worked out that way and so, I was always asked to help coach. I still do individual work with her. A part of me thinks that she would have been better off had I stopped coaching her teams at the age of 13-14.

 

[fastpitch]

Someone said to me once... if you want your daughter to be a good player; coach her team. If you want your daughter to be a great player coach her. If she moves to another team you can spend more time with her working on skills outside of regular team practice as opposed to worrying about how to manage the team and all the time that consumes.

I've been trying to do that with my DD but somehow I always get sucked back in to coaching.

Additionally... if the other coach knows more than you then that is a big plus. Undoubtedly she will listen to the other coach better than you and you might be able to pick up some things from them as well.

 

[SoftSocDad]

I cut mine loose after her first season of t-ball...now, after 3 more seasons, she wants me back. lol

If you're able to provide quality coaching and your relationship is fine, feel free to continue, but with regards to player instruction, more often than not, another set of eyes can see things parents are unable to.

 

[CoachKevin]

Better yet, I don't know many coaches that would turn down help if offered (that is if the "help" actually knows a little). You can always tell the coach that your available to help at practice and warm ups before the game.

 

[Eric]

I went through the same thing this year with my daughter. She is 14, I have been coaching her since she was old enough to play. I had my own tournament team, that we started a couple years ago. Not a lot of talent on the team. After the first tourney in Dec. We saw, it was going to be another long season, daughter was already frustrated. It turned out, around the same time, one of the best teams in the state asked her to play with them. I told her it was up to her, that I would not hold her back. She wanted to tryout for them this past fall, but I told her, I thought she needed one more year to get better. It turned out she didn't. She went to the other team. And I still coached my team. One of my coaches told me, go with her, that he would take over the team. So I did.

I don't coach her team anymore, but we do work on things, that before, we didn't have the time to put in the work, because of the other team. I do however, still help out with hitting, with her new team. Actually, now that i'm not coaching, it is really nice. I don't have to deal with parents or anything else that does go with coaching. It's nice to go help out with warmups, and then just go sit and watch. I have never been able to do just that, just watch my daughter play. She is now with a program, that can take her to the next level, something I couldn't do with the talent level she was playing with.

 

[sluggers]

Eric, nice post.

I've got a picture of my father with DD#1 when she was 3 YOA. He is following her as she is playing in a stream. He was always there to protect her and help her, but she led the way. She explored the stuff she wanted to see, rather than him showing her stuff he wanted her to see. In reality, it may life more interesting for him because he was seeing the world differently.

Is it time to let her go and flourish in another team setting?

Yep. It happens to all of them.

If so how do I tell the parents and girls that I've coached (most of them their whole lives)?

Thank them for their time and effort, and it has been a lot of fun, but you have to devote more time to your family.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation where you had to say I can't teach you what you need to know to take that next step?

Me too...it happened in softball for DD#1 and basketball for DD#3. DD#1 ended up all-conference D1 and dd#3 won a D3 national championship in hoops.

I was like Eric--it was fun to just be there for my DDs and meet the parents. I still worked with my DDs a lot one-on-one. Honestly, the only way for your DD to get really, really good is to devote as much time as possible to her individual development.

As to the other team, well...you did the kids a great service. You helped them have fun and grow as people.

 

[Lozza]

Nothing wrong with doing what's best for your daughter. Nothing at all.

My mum was my coach until I was 15. I stopped growing as a player at 15. (not helped by my assosciation having crap coaches) I didn't start learning again until I got a new coach from a different area.

 

[honus14]

My brother was a high-level high school baseball pitcher. Got a scholarship to Southern Illinois (which he frittered away) and an offer to try out with the Cubs (which came while he was in Vietnam), but lost opportunities is another story. Anyway, my dad, although a decent ballplayer himself, never coached him, not one day in his life. They frankly would have killed each other.

I'm a firm believer, as a parent and former coach, that parents should parent and coaches should coach.