Sorry I wasnt very clear Q. Our dd's play on the same travel team but opposing LL teams. We are both AC's on travel team.
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Parents pushing too hard...
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Sorry I wasnt very clear Q. Our dd's play on the same travel team but opposing LL teams. We are both AC's on travel team.
- Jun 21, 2012
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I had a similar situation where I had a father, who was a travel ball coach, continually "instruct" his daughter during our high school games. I noticed a decline in her playing ability, and I asked her about it. Long story short, it came down to getting two different coaching techniques, the father's and the high school HC. So, knowing the answer already, I told her to ask her father what she should do. Should she listen to her coach, or listen to him. He, being a coach, said to listen to her coach. Problem was then solved.
You situation may be the same, or a bit different, but there are a few things you can use as talking points. First and foremost, no matter how good a coach, teacher, mentor you are, a daughter wants to make her parents proud. This will never change. She(the player) is seeking their approval. Now, this creates conflict when the parents say one thing, and coaches instruct another. This is where you can ask her to ask the parents what she should do. Most times, they will say, listen to the coach. When this happens, let your player know the plan so she can inform her parents.
Mike Candrea says it often. Girls need to feel good to play good. You might try explaining to the parents that you have observed your player getting down on herself because she hears how upset you are with her. And then quote Mike. Often times, parents don't realize the negative impact on an athletes performance they have. They are innocently trying to motivate their daughter to be her "best".
I usually have these conversations about positive parenting at the beginning of the season, and I will have another mid-season and then a final thank you at the end-of-season.
Sometimes you have to coach the parents too.
You situation may be the same, or a bit different, but there are a few things you can use as talking points. First and foremost, no matter how good a coach, teacher, mentor you are, a daughter wants to make her parents proud. This will never change. She(the player) is seeking their approval. Now, this creates conflict when the parents say one thing, and coaches instruct another. This is where you can ask her to ask the parents what she should do. Most times, they will say, listen to the coach. When this happens, let your player know the plan so she can inform her parents.
Mike Candrea says it often. Girls need to feel good to play good. You might try explaining to the parents that you have observed your player getting down on herself because she hears how upset you are with her. And then quote Mike. Often times, parents don't realize the negative impact on an athletes performance they have. They are innocently trying to motivate their daughter to be her "best".
I usually have these conversations about positive parenting at the beginning of the season, and I will have another mid-season and then a final thank you at the end-of-season.
Sometimes you have to coach the parents too.
DD played for a team that the head of the org came to each team's very first practice and laid out the rules that he expected of the parents. One of them was "no coaching by parents from the stands during games" and he made sure that everyone was aware of it and he had no problem calling someone out on it. Coaching is the coaches job. Away from games and practices, not much you can do about parents.
I remember a coach told me once that he damaged his relationship with his sons by pushing them way too hard in baseball, and not to push my DD 1 in softball.
Well, DD 1 never lived up to her potential in softball, she quit the game years ago, but at least I have a great relationship with her.
Well, DD 1 never lived up to her potential in softball, she quit the game years ago, but at least I have a great relationship with her.
That is so easy to say, but harder to do than one might think.
The other day, DD 3 was running the bases, and it looked like she had a clear path to home. The 3rd base coach stopped her at 3rd. This game was a complete blowout anyway, so either the 3rd base coach didn't want to show up the other team, or wanted to be extra careful with the outs. A number of parents, including me, were yelling for her to go home. She stopped on the base and yelled to us that her coach told her to stop, and she pointed at the coach. I then realized my mistake, and yelled out "listen to your coach!"
Part of the challenge is her father is a coach. He is more of a helper coach but he is on the field with us all of the time.
I know he is trying to push her to do more better faster strong etc. She is pretty hard on herself already and after the injury the parents have stated she wants to stop picthing. She is a good pitcher and is still learning her body and doesnt always have control of her nearly 5'8" 11 yr old body. She is trying but its not enough so she is ready to stop. She does good with instruction from myself and the head coach but when dad gets on to her she can break down and stop trying.
Like I said ive been there w my DD. I finally figured it out and still mess up sometimes but its a lot better and the looks I get when she messes up on the field and dont say anything says it all. She battles back and lets it go. Its great! I want this for this player too.
Thanks for the insite. I think ive got some things here i can use to help diffuse the situation. Hopefully we paly this weekend and I can talk to dad and get some dialog going with out stepping on any toes.
I know he is trying to push her to do more better faster strong etc. She is pretty hard on herself already and after the injury the parents have stated she wants to stop picthing. She is a good pitcher and is still learning her body and doesnt always have control of her nearly 5'8" 11 yr old body. She is trying but its not enough so she is ready to stop. She does good with instruction from myself and the head coach but when dad gets on to her she can break down and stop trying.
Like I said ive been there w my DD. I finally figured it out and still mess up sometimes but its a lot better and the looks I get when she messes up on the field and dont say anything says it all. She battles back and lets it go. Its great! I want this for this player too.
Thanks for the insite. I think ive got some things here i can use to help diffuse the situation. Hopefully we paly this weekend and I can talk to dad and get some dialog going with out stepping on any toes.
obbay
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The question that comes to mind right away is does she have a pitching coach? if not, I'm thinking any U12 (in any part of the country) that wants to consider continuing with pitching should get a pitching coach and stop with the daddy coaching thing. (Lauren Haeger didn't start pitching until she was 13)
otherwise I agree it's a touchy situation. if you aren't close to the parents, it might be a little less touchy, but without knowing the parties involved, it's hard to say what would work best- (like giving hitting advice without seeing a video).
DD was doing a pitching clinic a couple weeks ago where there was a U10 girl who was afraid of getting hit by the ball and she did catch one in the face. at previous clinic same girl was also afraid and was hit in the face twice (her dad was throwing-not spiteful, it was an accident). I wanted to recommend the parents get her a damn mask so she would stop focusing on the fear, but I didn't say anything because her mother was a Piece-of-work. pissed off at the kid for being afraid and wouldn't catch for her because she "didn't want to deal with her". she clearly had pre-determined ideas of what she wanted her kid to do and gave no wiggle room. someone like that would just get more pissed at the kid because I tried to help.
otherwise I agree it's a touchy situation. if you aren't close to the parents, it might be a little less touchy, but without knowing the parties involved, it's hard to say what would work best- (like giving hitting advice without seeing a video).
DD was doing a pitching clinic a couple weeks ago where there was a U10 girl who was afraid of getting hit by the ball and she did catch one in the face. at previous clinic same girl was also afraid and was hit in the face twice (her dad was throwing-not spiteful, it was an accident). I wanted to recommend the parents get her a damn mask so she would stop focusing on the fear, but I didn't say anything because her mother was a Piece-of-work. pissed off at the kid for being afraid and wouldn't catch for her because she "didn't want to deal with her". she clearly had pre-determined ideas of what she wanted her kid to do and gave no wiggle room. someone like that would just get more pissed at the kid because I tried to help.
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