So we are entering that time of year where many look to next year and what is best for them and their DD. I coach with a friend, great guy, great coach. I don't use either of those words loosely for this scenario. His daughter is a fantastic girl, but SB is clearly not her priority, which is fine. Together we have 10 girls, together for a couple of years, but 1/2 view softball differently than others based on their work and play. We realized that this team is not staying together, as many want to move forward and many want to "play with their friends". Both are fine IMO as there is a level of play for everyone who wants to play. Seeing the writing on the wall, we sent out an email asking parents what their intentions were for the upcoming season. Parents were informed we may be attempting to split into two teams, based on the girls and families commitment to ball. Somewhat expected the girls who wanted to compete more and their families were happy about this information. For the rest, you would have thought I shot their family pet. I have an individual philosophy for all sports involving my daughters.....During the season, whether coaching or not, we are 100% committed to the team and the goals of the team. At the end of each year however, I will examine what is best for my daughter, based on her desires and goals, and make any moves accordingly. Once the season begins, back to 100% team. Am I crazy on this one or is just to each their own. I'm struggling with this only because I have what I believed to be friends on this team, who now act as if we have somehow harmed them. 12b is the level I'm talking here. Looking for some outside thoughts. I posted this on the parent board, because as of this minute, I'm looking at it from the parent side. From a coaches point of view, the true intention was to be able to give everyone we coached a place to play if they wanted. Now I wonder if it would have been better to just have tryouts, cut people, or leave with a few others as individuals. The other coach, while sad we all won't be together, gets it because his daughter is very successful and competitive in other sports. Why don't other parents "get it". Hell, maybe I don't get it. This is a great sport, but the things associated with it often suck.
I really hate and love this sport
- Thread starter phoglight
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- Aug 8, 2010
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Girls who are not "all in" will start to fall out of the sport around 14U. That is a cause for pause in keeping a team as you describe together moving forward. Tough decisions now can mitigate the chance of midseason defections. I have seen it happen and don't envy you. Been there. My brain says make the hard calls now. My heart has a harder time with it.
Greenmonsters
Wannabe Duck Boat Owner
No worries! IMO/IME, this is normal stage in any sport/activity. Ultimately, your DD won't happy unless you find a situation where all the participants and their families are prepared to commit the same time and effort to the activity/sport and have similar goals as your DD and you. It is perfectly normal that some want to play softball more seriously than others, but no one is right or wrong. Good luck and have fun moving forward!
Very normal thoughts and also reactions from the parents.
The parents are only looking at the situation from what they want (of course!).
The committed players want more out of the play with my friends girls. The play with my friends girls want everything to stay the same so they can continue to play with friends. The two won't work together for much longer as the committed girls will need to move on as you suggested or fall behind their peers.
The parents are only looking at the situation from what they want (of course!).
The committed players want more out of the play with my friends girls. The play with my friends girls want everything to stay the same so they can continue to play with friends. The two won't work together for much longer as the committed girls will need to move on as you suggested or fall behind their peers.
- Jun 12, 2015
- 3,848
- 83
I can relate to this! My daughter is a pretty serious player for her age and our team is just not on the same page. We're looking into new teams for the coming year and I worry about what will happen to the relationships we've developed. I really like the girls & parents but I feel like I have to do what's best for my child as well.
Well no surprise there... you just told half your parents that their little cupcake is not good enough and you are going to find a replacement for her, and that their families lack of commitment is part of the reason. No one likes to be told that they are going to be on the second team even if it is the truth of the matter.
This is why you don't do this until the evening before your last day of play for the season (i.e. the last time the team is together as a whole). Or just don't do it at all and do it through tryouts. It is easy to split into two teams when you have 24 girls you can split into two teams. Or you do it individually - the 'not inviting you back' or 'we want you for our A team' private conversation.
I have no problem with what you are doing. Done it myself in the past. Probably just the wrong way to go about it. If I was going your route I would have probably just asked parents for their intentions next year so the coaching staff can decide next years direction and I would have done it individually rather than via email.
This is why you don't do this until the evening before your last day of play for the season (i.e. the last time the team is together as a whole). Or just don't do it at all and do it through tryouts. It is easy to split into two teams when you have 24 girls you can split into two teams. Or you do it individually - the 'not inviting you back' or 'we want you for our A team' private conversation.
I have no problem with what you are doing. Done it myself in the past. Probably just the wrong way to go about it. If I was going your route I would have probably just asked parents for their intentions next year so the coaching staff can decide next years direction and I would have done it individually rather than via email.
- Nov 15, 2013
- 175
- 0
I agree with this assessment. You have to do what you're doing behind the scenes to avoid hurt feelings. But at some point, the girls who are seeing a hitting coach and/or pitching coach, and working on their own during the week are going to want to play on a team made up of other girls who approach the sport the same way. The longer you have a team made up of girls from both sides of the commitment line, the higher the risk of fracturing the team at that line. In the worst cases, that happens after tryouts and your team falls apart. The smart coaches will take action before the situation gets that bad, and split the team at tryouts/after the season is over.
Sounds like you handled this as best as possible. I am not surprised that some parents aren't taking it well.
I see no fault in doing what's best for your DD after the season concludes.
I see no fault in doing what's best for your DD after the season concludes.
- Aug 12, 2014
- 648
- 43
We dealt with something similar last year. My DD's coach emailed me in July a couple of weeks before fall practice started that my DD and some other girls were being dropped from the team because they were going to play competitive. Initially I was really hurt and angry, but after having a couple of days to let it settle, I calmed down. It was clear in the spring season that this was the direction they were headed in, although I wasn't expecting it to come that soon. He wasn't expecting it that soon either - he had another coach approach him about combining teams and felt it was an opportunity he needed to take. And he made sure to get the cut girls onto other teams. The new team has worked out great for my DD so I have no complaints.
Anyway, my point is give the parents some time to let it sink in. It sounds like you're going to take the more competitive girls and the other coach is going to take the "play with our friends" girls, so they aren't even losing a coach. Ride out the storm and the parents will come around and understand it's what's best for all involved.
Anyway, my point is give the parents some time to let it sink in. It sounds like you're going to take the more competitive girls and the other coach is going to take the "play with our friends" girls, so they aren't even losing a coach. Ride out the storm and the parents will come around and understand it's what's best for all involved.
If you're contemplating returning all or most of a team, the bulk email works just fine.
If you're thinking some changes need to be made and that you'l be looking for three or more new girls, then private conversations are the way to go.
Let's say your current team has 5 of the 10 girls who are serious about the sport and 5 who are not. I'd first identify if there are any of the 5 less-serious girls who have the potential to play at a higher level and might be willing to do so. If the answer is yes, then I would probably look to keep that girl (or girls). Next step is to have private phone conversations (I actually prefer dinner or drinks and face-to-face conversations) where you are honest with families, telling them you want to move on to bigger and better things and you want them to come along for the ride. Get their commitment as soon as you can, and don't forget to tell them that there will be other families on the current team who will not be asked to join the move.
After you have secured your core, your next step really should be to identify and retain as many "new" girls as you can. Who has reached out to you? Who has been extra-friendly when you've played their team? What spots do you need to fill and which players out there have you liked in those spots? Make your list and get busy. One word of caution, though: I personally will not reach out to families that are attached to other teams. If they contact me, then I am free to do as I please. This means getting your intentions and tryout aspirations up on Heybucket (or similar) right now.
The last thing you need to do before you post your tryouts is you need to have conversations with those who will not be asked back. It doesn't have to be much, just honest. You did a good enough job explaining it in your OP, so you shouldn't have any trouble doing so with those families. The best advice I can give here is that you absolutely need to leave your heart at home when you go to have these conversations. If you take it with you, you'll have all 10 girls back again next year. I know I would.
ADDING: Please take a look at my signature line, below. I think adopting this philosophy might be helpful for you when it comes time to have all those conversations. If everybody adhered to it, there would be a lot less drama in our beloved sport.
If you're thinking some changes need to be made and that you'l be looking for three or more new girls, then private conversations are the way to go.
Let's say your current team has 5 of the 10 girls who are serious about the sport and 5 who are not. I'd first identify if there are any of the 5 less-serious girls who have the potential to play at a higher level and might be willing to do so. If the answer is yes, then I would probably look to keep that girl (or girls). Next step is to have private phone conversations (I actually prefer dinner or drinks and face-to-face conversations) where you are honest with families, telling them you want to move on to bigger and better things and you want them to come along for the ride. Get their commitment as soon as you can, and don't forget to tell them that there will be other families on the current team who will not be asked to join the move.
After you have secured your core, your next step really should be to identify and retain as many "new" girls as you can. Who has reached out to you? Who has been extra-friendly when you've played their team? What spots do you need to fill and which players out there have you liked in those spots? Make your list and get busy. One word of caution, though: I personally will not reach out to families that are attached to other teams. If they contact me, then I am free to do as I please. This means getting your intentions and tryout aspirations up on Heybucket (or similar) right now.
The last thing you need to do before you post your tryouts is you need to have conversations with those who will not be asked back. It doesn't have to be much, just honest. You did a good enough job explaining it in your OP, so you shouldn't have any trouble doing so with those families. The best advice I can give here is that you absolutely need to leave your heart at home when you go to have these conversations. If you take it with you, you'll have all 10 girls back again next year. I know I would.
ADDING: Please take a look at my signature line, below. I think adopting this philosophy might be helpful for you when it comes time to have all those conversations. If everybody adhered to it, there would be a lot less drama in our beloved sport.
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