I could really use some advice..
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Thanks.. She will go out and practice when her dad tells her she needs to work. Some days are easier than others, but she will go out. She loves to play and is super motivated on the field. She works hard at practice, but it's that extra she needs to put in as a pitcher that she struggles with. We had the talk about her not playing in college and just working on her education, but she continues to say she wants to play ball. Thanks again!!
- Jul 4, 2014
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I agree fully. DD too is 16 years old and unfortunately continues to make wrong choices - choosing to surf the net instead of study, choosing to socialize instead of practice, ... the list goes on. But I feel that it's my job to motivate her daily. My parents left me to my own accord when I was growing up. I didn't start making good decisions until my mid 20s. That was a lot of wasted time. I regret my decisions. So, I do my best to motivate her (not through bribes) but by rationalizing situations with her. She recently came to me about wanting to attend a school sponsored outdoor adventure event for Seniors only - taking place next year. School will select a couple of Jr. to attend the event so that they become leaders in their Sr. year. (DD is currently a sophomore.) She wanted this badly so she took it upon herself to research it and came to me for final blessing. I asked her why she couldn't apply that same enthusiasm to all aspects of her life - pitching, studying, etc. to which she she explained that she loved these outdoor adventures and that she only has 2 more years to enjoy them. I then explained that if applied the same enthusiasm to her pitching and academics, she would stand a very good chance of getting into the a top D3 school where outdoor adventure is offered to Club members - in which case, she wouldn't be limited to the next 2 years but would be able to enjoy it for the next 6 instead. Her response, "I never saw it that way." Needless to say, it's spring break and she's hitting her books and practicing with no complaints, harder than she has been. Sometimes, as parents, we just need to motivate them by relating it to something they understand.
I am in my 50s and continue to make bad decisions.....just ask my wife!
There has been some excellent advise here already so I am going to take a slightly different tack.
Recruiting - and college with athletics - is all about project and time management. The more organized or thought out everything is, the smoother it goes, and the time you need to spend is better used. I am not saying it has to be a rigid planned schedule which you follow religiously (for some this works, for most it doesn't), but it has to a plan where you can measure what you are doing versus your eventual outcomes and know if you are on-track or doing what needs to be done. All plans should be flexible and adapt to what actually happens while providing a framework to work within.
First, you have to acknowledge what is important - to a HS sophomore her social life is going to have some priority as it should - so that needs to be part of the plan as well. This is part of multiple goals you need to work in. Even if it is as simple as "The sooner I get done the things I need to get done, the sooner I can get back to texting someone"
Ok, now sit down and assess how much time everything is actually taking and what is reasonable. How much time is she spending on school, social, softball and other stuff. Most parents and their DD's are surprised by just how much time they are actually spending on softball. Between practices, games, lessons, other related activities this can add up quickly. I have had parents who have said "My DD doesn't spend enough time on her game" find out that they actually already spend over 30 hours per week on softball especially on tournament weeks or during HS season.
If she wants to be recruited then you have to organize this as well. What SPECIFIC schools is she wanting to work with (top 10, next 10 is about all you can handle and they will change over time)? How is the contact going to happen? What stage are you at with each school? What resources do you have (network? recruiting service? travel recruiting coordinator, etc, etc, etc). Having a plan versus just randomly doing things makes things easier because you can drive specific actions and better assess how things are really going. You will be able to drop wasted time on schools that aren't working out and spend more time on schools that have potential.
If you can put a good framework together and agree to it then you have something you can work within. It is no longer subjective - it isn't Mom nagging me about it or whatever. It is easier to offer support. It is easier to discuss - "How is the recruiting plan going" (project update) is easier than "have you emailed various coaches this week" (nagging). "Have you got the extra pitching you need in this week? Let me know if you need me" (project update) is easier than "you should be working on your pitching. Lets go" (nagging and easy opportunity for teenage rebellion)
Also it will be much easier to see how serious she really is about 'high level college softball'. If she isn't spending the time, then she isn't. No one speaks teenager well so as you stated - you are unsure if she is serious or not. For some maybe it is the next level down of commitment or the right academic program or whatever. There is nothing wrong with that either - but at least you can now adjust your plan to accommodate it.
Great post!! This is something my husband will really like. He's very goal oriented and all about time management, but I don't think he's thought about it this way. He's always talking to the kids about having goals, short and long term. Thank you for taking the time to write this post..I'm sure others will also find it very useful!!
Teenagers will amaze you in every way possible: good, bad and ugly.
I spent years, I mean YEARS, trying to get DS to prioritize things, to write down schedules, etc. Never did it. He's a brilliant kid whose grades were so bad he was once suspended from his HS track team, and I almost pulled him from his HS rowing club until he got his grades up. (The combined forces of his rowing coaches and a child psychiatrist convinced me to continue to let him row).
Then, when it came time to choose a college, he did almost ALL the work himself. I mean, I did almost NONE of it when I was a teenager. He figured out what schools to apply to, arranged for a campus tour and meeting with the coach of his first choice school, etc. DW and I drove him and attended the meeting and tour. Then, when the admissions officer told him to get his grades up or else, he got his grades up, got admitted, and got a partial academic scholarship that adds up to over $50k over the course of 4 years. All by his lonesome.
We still have a great deal of trouble getting him to do some very simple but important things.
OTOH, my DD 1 is one of the most organized people I've ever met. Incredible time management skills. She got herself into her first choice college with a full academic scholarship.
The trick is finding out how to reach your kid. Of course, the more she does herself the better. It may not be easy, though. It might be really, really tough. In the end, the more she can own the process, the better.
I spent years, I mean YEARS, trying to get DS to prioritize things, to write down schedules, etc. Never did it. He's a brilliant kid whose grades were so bad he was once suspended from his HS track team, and I almost pulled him from his HS rowing club until he got his grades up. (The combined forces of his rowing coaches and a child psychiatrist convinced me to continue to let him row).
Then, when it came time to choose a college, he did almost ALL the work himself. I mean, I did almost NONE of it when I was a teenager. He figured out what schools to apply to, arranged for a campus tour and meeting with the coach of his first choice school, etc. DW and I drove him and attended the meeting and tour. Then, when the admissions officer told him to get his grades up or else, he got his grades up, got admitted, and got a partial academic scholarship that adds up to over $50k over the course of 4 years. All by his lonesome.
We still have a great deal of trouble getting him to do some very simple but important things.
OTOH, my DD 1 is one of the most organized people I've ever met. Incredible time management skills. She got herself into her first choice college with a full academic scholarship.
The trick is finding out how to reach your kid. Of course, the more she does herself the better. It may not be easy, though. It might be really, really tough. In the end, the more she can own the process, the better.
I tell my kids they are going to get out of it what they put into it. I will gladly help them with whatever they want to work on, but they have to ask. I am not going to push them to do anything. It's their life. If they choose to do nothing to get better then when they are sitting on the bench they lost any right to complain to me.
My 13 year old seems to have figured it out and is working her tail off to get better. it's fun to watch. My 11 year (who is a better athlete) is lazy. Thinks she can show up and be great. Puts in no time outside of scheduled practice and games. I'd like to change her from HE to IR, but dont even dare bc i know she wont put the time in to make it work. Quite frustrating
My 13 year old seems to have figured it out and is working her tail off to get better. it's fun to watch. My 11 year (who is a better athlete) is lazy. Thinks she can show up and be great. Puts in no time outside of scheduled practice and games. I'd like to change her from HE to IR, but dont even dare bc i know she wont put the time in to make it work. Quite frustrating
- Feb 17, 2011
- 201
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DD was playing well above her age at 13 and saw no need to extra effort into pitching as she was blowing the ball by batters her own age.
A coach called asking if she would play TB with his team, 18u, and it helped to open her eyes once she faced better batters. No pushing to workout was needed after that.
I had the luxury of coaching a couple girls who went on to play D1. One is at a top 10 school right now. Their drive during the off season to get better is nothing like I have seen with other kids. One is a pitcher, the other is a lead-off slap hitter. They would train a couple times a week with outside coaching and push themselves to get better.
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