The coaches daughter

I coach a team with my DD on it. I have always made it easy for the other parents when it comes to my kid. She’s going to play. Why would anyone coach a team where their own kid isn’t playing? If you weren’t the coach, and your kid wasn’t playing, then you have the option to find another team. If you are the coach, then you finding another team usually means the whole team folds. Assuming the parents are happy with you, that’s a negative outcome for everyone.

Nuwin said:

I'm doing extra due diligence on a team where the last name of a player in a position we're competing for matches the last name of a coach. Nepotism isn't guaranteed but is very, very real.

I was very honest with my DD that she is going to be held to a higher standard because she risked being picked on for being a coach's daughter. Kids can be pretty mean on their own as they start to figure out life. Parental gossip they may overhear can add fuel to that. Plus, I know most about her, so it was always going to be difficult for me to truly evaluate her properly, so she had to exceed my bias so we could focus on just playing and having fun.

I'm very happy to not be coaching this year. It can be very debilitating when you want to do right by everyone. Lots of second guessing yourself.

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many don't realize how stress inducing it is when you try and do it right

i had a team, two years 10u through 1st year 16u......had two DDs for one year, DD1 was with me for all of it.....very succesful, i think something crazy like 8 of those girls from 10u went on to play D2/D3, 4 of the girls from 16u still playing in college, both of my DDs playing in college, and I kept 6 or 7 families with me for the entire journey.....even had some for 18u and again for 18+ this year, that came back


the 2 years i did no coaching were eye opening......once i was able to (mostly) let go, tournaments were kind of fun.......might have even snuck a beverage into my yeti tumbler and caught some rays

when i was coaching i scouted......i was asleep at tournaments within an hour of dinner ending many nights, and I agonized over decisions not only because i felt the pressure to get it right, but because of perception issues.......i also never hesitated to sit my DD, to bounce them out of practice if they weren't meeting standards, to drop them in the batting order, to move their position, to not start them if it was warranted (luckily it generally wasn't)....they were also the first kid to lose innings when games started to get out of hand, they took more than their share of rotational sits when playing lesser opponents

i loved the time i got to spend with my DDs for the most part, I cherish the memories with that group.......but i swear i gained many grays, raised my BP, ground a lot of enamel off in that endeavor, too......it's really easy to complain about 'daddy ball decisions', but as a former dad/coach who is pretty positive he did at as close to as well as possible, it was also pretty darned stressful

Rolling Hard said:

Lazy studs??
Studs can't be lazy.

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Maybe "entitled studs" would be a better choice. The girls that have tons of potential but think they don't need to do drills, pick up balls, can show up late or miss practice yet still want to start every game, talk behind teammates backs, poor sportsmanship, ignoring the coach, etc. Some coaches don't care about these things and only want the W.

Towny9 said:

I coach a team with my DD on it. I have always made it easy for the other parents when it comes to my kid. She’s going to play. Why would anyone coach a team where their own kid isn’t playing? If you weren’t the coach, and your kid wasn’t playing, then you have the option to find another team. If you are the coach, then you finding another team usually means the whole team folds. Assuming the parents are happy with you, that’s a negative outcome for everyone.

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My limited experience says this manifests itself with pitchers the most. It's generally understood otherwise.

But many of these parent coaches also preach team first, being all about winning. So unless DD really is P1 quality as an example, which is it?

jmack31 said:

Maybe "entitled studs" would be a better choice. The girls that have tons of potential but think they don't need to do drills, pick up balls, can show up late or miss practice yet still want to start every game, talk behind teammates backs, poor sportsmanship, ignoring the coach, etc. Some coaches don't care about these things and only want the W.

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I know there are some genetically gifted athletes that are not hard working. It's unfortunate because they will never reach their potential and will often get past by when they get older.
Also when players get to 16U and older, winning is getting players recruited. Winning a game is nice but having a player signed is the big win.

the real problem with all of this starts when coach plans his/her daughter in whatever position, when others are CLEARLY more skilled than DD.

And level doesn't matter. Be it A, B, C or Rec. any coach that puts playing their DD in whatever position ahead of the team and results.....is the problem.

Nuwin said:

My limited experience says this manifests itself with pitchers the most. It's generally understood otherwise.

But many of these parent coaches also preach team first, being all about winning. So unless DD really is P1 quality as an example, which is it?

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My DD generally bats around 7-9 in the order. She is a pitcher, but is usually 3rd in innings pitched out of the 3/4 pitchers on our roster.

Towny9 said:

My DD generally bats around 7-9 in the order. She is a pitcher, but is usually 3rd in innings pitched out of the 3/4 pitchers on our roster.

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Please don't think that was a targeted reply directed at you. Just an observation on where things go sideways when the coach's daughter is going to play goes sideways.

Playing can take on many definitions. Using your example, there are plenty of parents who view "playing" as being the innings...hoarder. Sometimes just being first isn't enough. If you applied your DD's time to them, they'd argue they're "not playing."

I've always believed that not all games (or wins and losses) are equal. League, < Pool < Bracket. There are plenty of innings to go around to "play" in league and pool play games. I'm more than happy to take Ls on league nights knowing I'm not playing my best configuration. Development requires opportunity. (The lesson I learned the hard way with time limits is you gotta switch things up way sooner than you want and innings can be an inefficient measurement.). Bracket/Elimination play is where you can start teaching that playing time is awarded on merit. But to always be ready because brackets don't always go to plan and challenge your depth. You never know when it really is your opportunity is going to come.

Nuwin said:

Please don't think that was a targeted reply directed at you. Just an observation on where things go sideways when the coach's daughter is going to play goes sideways.

Playing can take on many definitions. Using your example, there are plenty of parents who view "playing" as being the innings...hoarder. Sometimes just being first isn't enough. If you applied your DD's time to them, they'd argue they're "not playing."

I've always believed that not all games (or wins and losses) are equal. League, < Pool < Bracket. There are plenty of innings to go around to "play" in league and pool play games. I'm more than happy to take Ls on league nights knowing I'm not playing my best configuration. Development requires opportunity. (The lesson I learned the hard way with time limits is you gotta switch things up way sooner than you want and innings can be an inefficient measurement.). Bracket/Elimination play is where you can start teaching that playing time is awarded on merit. But to always be ready because brackets don't always go to plan and challenge your depth. You never know when it really is your opportunity is going to come.

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Totally agree. I did not take it as a targeted reply. Being a parent coach is tough. Without parent coaches, most kids wouldn’t have a place to play. I can admittedly be a little sensitive to it. Daddy ball comes up and everyone tends to get lumped into the “all bad” category.

i never really thought about this until now. Our coaches daughter is probably one of the worst on the team, but also sits her fair share. She is however a very good teammate and is always very positive. ive never thought about it as a reflection of the coach until now. they seem to have a good coach/daughter relationship too. ive always thought he is a very good coach in terms of development and managing and we have done very well in tournaments. but now im wondering why is she still behind most?