Dealing with Upperclassmen making it hard on DD

Greenmonsters said:

I think we may need a new leftfielder soon.

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it took me a while but I finally got it..

what YOCOACH said two posts ago.... X2

My DD started this year as a freshman, but there were 5 freshmen who made the varsity squad, so they had each other. My DD was on a volleyball team with a bunch of juniors and seniors last year. They pretty much ignored her, but I told her to keep her chin up and keep working hard - let her abilities and work ethic do the talking!

YOCOACH said:

CJ, I respectfully disagree. I think they see her as a serious threat to taking away their playing time, batting spot etc. not the weak link. IMO the bullies (for lack of a better term), like many in society, would much rather scorn those that are successful because they worked their tails off to be that way as opposed to working their own tails off to become successful themselves. They would much rather not have to work hard to achieve so they instead, belittle those that do. They prefer to have the level of competition brought down to their level of play so that they can maintain without much hard work. Thus, they ostracize, bully, pick-on, however you want to put it hoping to get rid of the better players so that "their" spots will just be handed to them simply because they are entitled to them. After all, they ARE upperclassmen (said extremely SARCASTICALLY) Sorry for the hi-jack y'all.

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Good points. The behavior you described is also common with people that believe seniority should be respected over ability.

Some similar variations are: she "took" playing time away from a friend of theirs without having to wait for her turn; jealousy because she was more successful as a frosh than them and got a lot of attention (i.e. "stole" their thunder).

Some similar variations are: she "took" playing time away from a friend of theirs without having to wait for her turn; jealousy because she was more successful as a frosh than them and got a lot of attention (i.e. "stole" their thunder).

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SCD.. I believe you hit the nail squarely on the head. If the OP's DD was riding the bench the older girls would not have even bothered with her.

My opinion is it starts at the top. If the HC is not THE most dynamic personality on the team HS players run right over them. The HC has to set the tone of the team and be consistent with it. Hopefully the change at the top on the team will help the OP's DD out. Everyone is starting with a blank page.

The entitlement attitude is a carryover from TB in many cases. On most teams the roster is usually 11 - 13 players. There is not a whole lot of competition for playing time and positions. When you get to HS it's not uncommon for the HC to have 15+ girls on the roster. Now the upperclassmen are having to compete for positions. They are not used to it so they react by trying to ostracize the perceived interloper.

Oh, one thing I did not mention was the fact that from day one DD batted in the three-hole. After we returned from the spring break out of state tournament were we won it, DD had hit over .650 second only to the All Area Player of the Year and had led the team in runs scored and stolen bases by a wide margin. Rather than treat her like a team asset I believe some of the upperclassmen felt intimidated and threatened, and shortly thereafter the BS started to occur. One in particular that has always been the top player in our local Little League softball, and had waited too long before getting into travel ball to progress the way my DD did, had her nose bent out of shape the most because she was sitting when my daughter was starting and batted last when she did get in. Same girl is our number one pitcher and carries a lot of weight with the older girls. This girl in particular has been the one that has been the ringleader if you will, running to the HC and tattling on her because she felt DD was helping enough with the equipment. Well duh she is lugging a catchers bag on and off the bus. The HC tried to solve it by giving DD a catchers bag with shoulder straps, rather than setting this problem child straight and tell her to worry about her own business. It was this girl and another that did not make varsity until last year as Juniors that have been the two worst teammates in this whole thing.

Is it possible that your daughter is doing something (besides taking playing time and the limelight) that is leading to the treatment she is getting? Is it possible that she could confront the ringleader and ask that question?

Perhaps that's unrealistic for many girls this age, but I wonder what would happen if your daughter talked it out with the player(s) she's having trouble with. Something along the lines of ''As a freshman, I didn't feel that some of the players who'd been on the team longer than me accepted me or even liked me. I don't want that to happen again. Is there anything that I'm doing wrong? Did I step on anybody's toes?''

coach james said:

Just gotta keep her head down and her mouth shut. Work her tail off to prove to them that she belongs there. It happens EVERYWHERE!

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But it does not ALWAYS happen everywhere.

We faced the exact same as a freshman. Told directly she "did not belong" by a senior player. Battled for position, came up short ... and so did the team by seasons end.

Following year as a sophomore, the upperclassmen were all inclusive. Embraced, mentored, and tutored the younger players. Won the state championship.

Therein lies the key to HS softball. This cannot be stressed enough.

The culture has changed at our school. We are now winners, and more importantly, know exactly why. This is why.

Interesting thread. I didn't read it at first because my DD is only in 8th grade, but I decided to take a look. Boy am I glad I did. Lot's of great input!

Although my DD is only in 8th grade, I am already starting to see some of the petty jeolousy that exists. She started the season as the 6th person on the JH basketball team, but was getting more and more minutes as the season progressed and eventually became a starter. As soon as that started happening, some of the other girls started giving her the cold shoulder. Some of the parents even started doing it to DW and I. Unbelieveable!! Friends for years and they stop talking to me because my DD got 3 more minutes than theirs in last night's game. Really?!?! Earlier in the season when my DD was sitting on the bench, I still talked to them...

Luckily for my DD she still has several other friends on the team and everyone was in the same grade. It was really only 3 girls that were giving her problems. As an underclassmen playing with upperclassmen, that situation can only be more difficult. I wish you and your DD the best of luck in dealing with this. If she has her heart set on playing for the HS, tell her to stick it out, and do whatever you can to support her from behind the scenes. If she isn't sure, have her stick with TB.

"Some of the parents even started doing it to DW and I. Unbelieveable!! Friends for years and they stop talking to me because my DD got 3 more minutes than theirs in last night's game. Really?!?! Earlier in the season when my DD was sitting on the bench, I still talked to them..."

You will find that no matter the age group, talent level or whether it is rec ball, school ball, TB, whatever, parents can be as competitive/vindictive/jealous, if not more, than kids can be. It never ceases to amaze me how some people can act over a game which is supposed to be fun and all for the kids to begin with. Remember people...it's still just a GAME!