What would you say to another parent or to the coach?

[98utilitymom]

OK. My daughter is on a new team for fall 12 and spring 13. Another parent with two daughters, who have played on team with my kid for several years, did not seek try-outs. She asked where I was taking her kids to try-out. I stated that I wouldn't. Once my daughter was offered a position on a team and we accepted, this mom emailed the coach, without my knowledge, to say that she knows me and that she has two coachable daughters that she thinks he wants on his team. She then sends a text message to me to ask if I can take her children to the next practice.

First, I am mortified that she did this. She was too lazy to seek out try-outs on her own. I adore her girls, and have no issues with driving her daughters andywhere that I am going. I don't really have a relationship with this coach. I only met him at the tryout and have spoken to him a couple of times since then. We have the first team practice coming up. I don't want him to think I am recruiting. I don't want him to think I was over-stepping my boundaries. Again, these girls are are good kids. One is a utility player who is as good (or even better) than my daughter. The other is coachable but doesn't come close in ability to her sister or to my daughter. This mother is the kind of person who is never satisfied and likes to stir up trouble. She alienates the other parents and feels like the abilities of the "good daughter" make up for her bad behavior.

Do I talk to the coach to let him know I didn't encourage this mom to contact him? If I call him, how much information do I give him? I don't know what to do. Advice is appreciated.

Thank you.

 

[skully]

You should tell the coach exactly what you wrote in this post.

 

[CoogansBluff]

... this mom emailed the coach, without my knowledge, to say that she knows me and that she has two coachable daughters that she thinks he wants on his team. She then sends a text message to me to ask if I can take her children to the next practice.

You didn't say how the coach responded. Did the coach tell them they are welcome to come to practice?

If so, then take them. I base that on your statement: "I adore her girls, and have no issues with driving her daughters anywhere that I am going.''

But I wouldn't take the mom's word for it regarding her conversation w/ the coach. I'd contact the coach and ensure that approval has been given and tell the coach that you did not initiate this.

As for how much information to give the coach beyond that, I'd probably hesitate to say more because the coach doesn't know you, and it's hard to know how he might interpret it. Although if the coach asks about the family, then that's your opening.

Sounds like what you're saying is, "Oh, God, please don't let them get on this team because I can't bear to be around this mom at a softball field.''

 

[quincy]

You should tell the coach exactly what you wrote in this post.

I take a different approach, I keep my mouth shut and am guarded in my opinions.

HC knows where to find me if they want my opinion.

I will keep my opinions very general unless asked a specific question.

 

[Momo'sDad]

Since you don't have an existing relationship with the coach, it's very tough to know how to proceed. I would not personally accept a player onto my team that I had not observed in person, but there are plenty of teams in need of warm bodies who might. I'd be ok with you saying that you had not encouraged the other mom, but beyond that, there's really nothing to be gained for you. If I've taken on the players that came only because I chose your daughter, then I already have a fair amount of respect for you and your family, so you've got nothing to worry about on that front.

 

[02Crush]

I would pull the coach aside and say the following.
"I really appreciate the opportunity for my daughter to play on your team. It has come to my attention recently that a neighbor has reached out to you looking for a home for her players and used me as a reference. I want you to know that the girls are good kids but that I did not give such a reference. I only mention this as I want you to know I am not one to step on your toes in any way expecially with recruiting. We are here to play ball. If you like them great, if not great. I have not skin in the game and wanted you to know that. I apologize that someone tried to use me as a reference for getting on the team without my consent."

This says all you need it to. If you did not give the recommendation then it makes the Mom looks overbearing or overly aggressive. Good kids or not players are cut more often then not because of the actions of the parents. And based on this many coaches are watching the parents as well. If someone would go as far as using your name without asking you then it speaks volumes about their level of character without bad mouthing them or the kids. Good luck. As there is no good answer here. All I would say is to avoid long conversations where you could end up speaking poorly of them without meaning to. If you speak to the coach keep it short and sweet.

 

[98utilitymom]

If I could take the girls with me without the mom talking to me about softball, that would be the ideal situation. I would prefer not to have the mom go to softball at all.

I'm going to tell the coach I did not initiate her contact with him and will not relay other information unless asked. The coach only knows me from my daughter's tryout. This past season, her daughters were on a TB team based on knowing me, but I had a relationship with that coach. However, that team had tons of drama and my daughter wanted to get away from that.

I don't believe the current team is in need of players. I'm not sure I would have invited these girls anyway due to their mom's behavior over the spring and summer season.

Thank you for your help! I had an idea of how I wanted to handle things but I definitely want to make sure my daughter starts out on the right foot with her new team.

 

[MandM]

My solution is different. I would txt her back and say no- you can't take the girls to practice for a first try-out- you are sure the coach will want to meet her and there may be papers to sign etc. - since you do not know the coach at all- you would also not feel comfortable answering any questions he/she may have in her stead. After that- if the girls make the team, then you can share driving- but please! make her step up to the plate and don't let her negatively impact your experience with this new team!! I have to say - I consider myself to be pretty reasonable but - this woman must be irritating the heck out of you, and while I am impressed that you would drive her girls- she has really stepped over the line and will continue to do so- which as I said- could make your season less than what you are hoping for.

 

[Greenmonsters]

My solution is different. I would txt her back and say no- you can't take the girls to practice for a first try-out- you are sure the coach will want to meet her and there may be papers to sign etc. - since you do not know the coach at all- you would also not feel comfortable answering any questions he/she may have in her stead. After that- if the girls make the team, then you can share driving- but please! make her step up to the plate and don't let her negatively impact your experience with this new team!! I have to say - I consider myself to be pretty reasonable but - this woman must be irritating the heck out of you, and while I am impressed that you would drive her girls- she has really stepped over the line and will continue to do so- which as I said- could make your season less than what you are hoping for.

I think we have a winner (but I would also let the coach know that she used you as a reference without your knowledge)

 

[JNew0872]

My solution is different. I would txt her back and say no- you can't take the girls to practice for a first try-out- you are sure the coach will want to meet her and there may be papers to sign etc. - since you do not know the coach at all- you would also not feel comfortable answering any questions he/she may have in her stead. After that- if the girls make the team, then you can share driving- but please! make her step up to the plate and don't let her negatively impact your experience with this new team!! I have to say - I consider myself to be pretty reasonable but - this woman must be irritating the heck out of you, and while I am impressed that you would drive her girls- she has really stepped over the line and will continue to do so- which as I said- could make your season less than what you are hoping for.

Very diplomatic. Like this solution.