Weekend Dilemma/Bad Situation

[MNDad]

The wife and I will be going to support the kid and her 12U team this weekend in a local tournament. I looked at the teams involved and so, know that there will be one team there with a Mom/Dad that are gaining a terrible reputation. Mostly, it is the Mom. They constantly scream and yell at their dd. Last year, since I know the coaching staff, I went over and told them that they have to say something to this Mom about how she yells at her dd. She says things that are absolutely unbelievable. I was basically told to mind my own business. I just don't know if I can do that if they haven't changed and apparently, from what I hear, they haven't changed.

In talking to BB last night and telling her my dilemma, she mentioned that she can't ever remember my wife or I yelling at her for softball. That is because we never did. I've mentioned before, and some here didn't like my comments, that we had certain rules for BB and she was expected to abide by them. They included things like she would never talk negatively about teammates. She was not to cry in public when she lost. She was to thank her coaches for coaching her after every game. Some might think this strict. However, not one parent of any player she ever played with can say that they saw my wife or I say anything but positive comments to her with regards to softball. Of course it helped that she was self motivated and always wanted to practice.

I hope that these parents see the light. I just can't take looking at that young girl and see how emotionally they are destroying her. If someone doesn't say anything, imo, despite having a lot of talent, this young lady will not make it to HS softball.

Do you have another DD, or is BB coaching?

 

[Cannonball]

Do you have another DD, or is BB coaching?

BB is coaching. This is her 3rd year with this team. She and I talked a lot last night and she is going to also start giving lessons to 6 or 8 players on this team. In the past, she has asked for donations. This time, she is going to ask for a whopping $15 per half hour for a one on one lesson.

 

[Rocketech1]

Maybe you take a different approach. You, wife and maybe BB go out of your way to tell this player how great she did on xxxx play(s) and how you have watched her and were impressed with xxxx... In other words, you encourage her and let her know that you appreciate her effort. You can't save these parents (they won't change) but you can be kind to this kid and maybe coming from a mentor like BB will resonate with her.

 

[Cannonball]

Maybe you take a different approach. You, wife and maybe BB go out of your way to tell this player how great she did on xxxx play(s) and how you have watched her and were impressed with xxxx... In other words, you encourage her and let her know that you appreciate her effort. You can't save these parents (they won't change) but you can be kind to this kid and maybe coming from a mentor like BB will resonate with her.

That is a GREAT IDEA! It is not out of character for BB to compliment players on the other team. Maybe she can do so a(try to build this young lady up) and ask this player who her parents are so that she can tell them how well the young lady did. Of course, they would have to play that team. I do think that there is a chance of that. Rocketech, thanks!!!

 

[4 girl's dad]

I have a solid young player on my team who's father is like this. I'm afraid she won't be playing long. Worst part is he is my wife's uncle. She has told him to back off and he did, for a little while. But now he is on her about everything and the more he comments, the slower and more afraid of making mistakes she gets. I'm not sure if it is over stepping my bounds but I feel like I need to say something to him before she quits.


Good luck DB.


Edit: I do kinda what RT says. He will comment on her and I will reinforce that she is doing well. But, it's hard to beat a mouth in your ear when away from the field too.

 

[MNDad]

BB is coaching. This is her 3rd year with this team. She and I talked a lot last night and she is going to also start giving lessons to 6 or 8 players on this team. In the past, she has asked for donations. This time, she is going to ask for a whopping $15 per half hour for a one on one lesson.

That's awesome! I love seeing college players get into coaching. They're huge role models for the younger kids. Congrats to you and your daughter!

 

[Cowdogz]

Actually, my father was like this with me. He was so critical and blaming. I remember after one Little League All Stars game where I broke up a no-hitter getting the only hit for my team off an amazing pitcher. After the game I walked back to the car pleased as punch with myself. In the car my father choose to berate me for throwing to the wrong base on one play. There was no error. No additional advancement. But it was important enough to him to ruin my moment and destroy my pride. I said to him, "I broke up a no-hitter!" He said, "It was just a cheap hit!". And so that was how it was with my father.

My dad was like that, but I found out much later that he didn't mean any of it and it was just his way of "toughening me up." After all, it was what his dad did. He'd brag on me to all his buddies. If he'd have given me some positive reinforcement once in a while, I might mot be such a negative a-hole.

 

[canyonjoe]

I remember once getting on my son after he made several errors. It wasn't crazy dad level, but I had never done it. Another dad said to me that the kids want to make the plays just as much as you want him to. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I have never said anything bad to him during a game. I offer to help him in any way he wants but it's up to him and I now just stay back and watch him play. He doesn't have the drive that DD has, but I absolutely enjoy watching him play now. He plays the game the way kids should. He goes all out makes great plays, makes bad plays, but has 100 percent fun. Since I started being all positive to him he plays with a level of confidence that I wish I could give to every player.

 

[Cowdogz]

I remember once getting on my son after he made several errors. It wasn't crazy dad level, but I had never done it. Another dad said to me that the kids want to make the plays just as much as you want him to.

I had to give this speech to my 12U boys the other day: "When somebody misses a ball, you can't yell 'Hey, you gotta catch that.' He knows he's gotta catch that. He wants to catch that. Yelling it isn't helpful. What is helpful is him knowing that you have his back and will pick him up when he needs it."

 

[Rockjerry]

That may be the main reason why she is "lazy". She's not having fun playing the game and is only playing because her parents are making her. God help this kid if she doesn't get a college scholarship