Stressed out Softball Parent - Help!

[BaldNBeautiful]

My son is away at college. He is going to stay there the whole summer, has a job and an apartment.

I miss him bugging me to take him here and take him there. Spending my money on his sports related gear... Believe me when I say be careful for what you wish for. Besides she is just softening you up for when she is old enough to drive, because life gets so much easier when they are driving themselves to and from practice...

Hey brother, I hear ya! A year ago DD1 was a freshman playing catcher in college, and now she is a student working 30 hours a week, paying all of her own bills, and out of the game.

Catching hundreds of games over the years eventually resulted in knee and shoulder injuries, and she made the wise decision to retire. She is at peace with it, but Dad sure does miss it. I realize that DD2 and DD3 will not play this game forever either.
So to AllDay, Enjoy every minute of it. Soon they will be out of the house and life will be very different.

 

[AllDay]

Hey brother, I hear ya! A year ago DD1 was a freshman playing catcher in college, and now she is a student working 30 hours a week, paying all of her own bills, and out of the game.

Catching hundreds of games over the years eventually resulted in knee and shoulder injuries, and she made the wise decision to retire. She is at peace with it, but Dad sure does miss it. I realize that DD2 and DD3 will not play this game forever either.
So to AllDay, Enjoy every minute of it. Soon they will be out of the house and life will be very different.

BNB, I understand. I do enjoy this....but I reserve the right to moan and groan once in a while....lol.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I do think that it is harder being the mom as we are expected to do all of the running. I have said before that I just don't have many dads that come to my lessons. Nine out of ten girls are brought by their moms. I really appreciate a dad that takes an interest in his DDs.

One dad did bring his DD last week and he spent the time walking up and down the sidewalk and talking on his telephone. His DD decided not to come back. (No wonder.)

Congrats to the dads that are active in their DDs lives.

 

[PA SB Dad]

It depends on the ages of your girls and how much time commitment there is for each activity. I have always believed as parents we over-schedule our kids these days. When I was growing up, my parents never took me to games or practices - I rode my bike or walked. They didn't have time to see one of my games until I was 12. This basically made it impossible for me to play more than one team at any given time. Sometimes we give in too easily to try and give our kids more opportunities than what we had. I completely understand the motivation, I have been there myself. At some point, as your girls get older, they need to prioritize and make other arrangements if you are not available to cart them around.

These days, with kids who are so heavily involved, it takes two committed parents to make it work. It is tough for one parent to handle all of the responsibilities, and I am fortunate that my wife understands and helps when I need her. That is not always the case, as there are a number of single parents (or like yourself, a spouse that is not as committed) who need the help of coaches and teammates when schedules overlap and get hectic.

Also, as others have said, please be grateful that you have healthy athletic kids that want you involved in their activities. This past year my DD has been hospitalized on 3 separate occasions with severe depression, and she had stepped away from softball for a while. She is finally getting better and getting back into softball again, and I am very grateful that some of the organized chaos of softball is back in our house from softball rather than the real chaos of mental illness. Believe me, there is a certain calm I have these days from the chaos of running from one practice or game to another, as opposed to the anxiety and tension of the very quiet rides my DW and I had back and forth to the hospital.

 

[MandM]

So, in some ways it's not just the regular Softball parent stuff that I'm dealing with. It's also having to deal with the ego's of adults (i.e., League Pres/Board of Directors) in leadership positions with bad leadership skills and no vision who ignorantly stifle the potential of dozens of girls.....and even the sport itself. .

Well, that's it in a nut shell- dealing with softball politics has the potential to SUCK the life blood right out of you!! realize- you can't change most people- the only thing that you can control is how you respond to them and how you let them make you feel- and I can see no more potential for great frustration, anger and aggravation that working to change an entrenched system of adults- so do what you can to make a difference, but don't let it get to you so much that it prevents you from getting the true enjoyment of helping your dd and their friends succeed. ditto what 11smom said= thanks for being a great dad.

 

[AllDay]

It depends on the ages of your girls and how much time commitment there is for each activity. I have always believed as parents we over-schedule our kids these days. When I was growing up, my parents never took me to games or practices - I rode my bike or walked. They didn't have time to see one of my games until I was 12. This basically made it impossible for me to play more than one team at any given time. Sometimes we give in too easily to try and give our kids more opportunities than what we had. I completely understand the motivation, I have been there myself. At some point, as your girls get older, they need to prioritize and make other arrangements if you are not available to cart them around.

These days, with kids who are so heavily involved, it takes two committed parents to make it work. It is tough for one parent to handle all of the responsibilities, and I am fortunate that my wife understands and helps when I need her. That is not always the case, as there are a number of single parents (or like yourself, a spouse that is not as committed) who need the help of coaches and teammates when schedules overlap and get hectic.

Also, as others have said, please be grateful that you have healthy athletic kids that want you involved in their activities. This past year my DD has been hospitalized on 3 separate occasions with severe depression, and she had stepped away from softball for a while. She is finally getting better and getting back into softball again, and I am very grateful that some of the organized chaos of softball is back in our house from softball rather than the real chaos of mental illness. Believe me, there is a certain calm I have these days from the chaos of running from one practice or game to another, as opposed to the anxiety and tension of the very quiet rides my DW and I had back and forth to the hospital.

PA SB Dad, Thanks. I appreciate your comment.

 

[02Crush]

Today while on the last evening of Spring Break week my DD had a player on her team over and we all went to dinner. Another of our friends whose daughter does not play and do not see as much as we'd like, looked at both players and said, "So you guys are off this weekend. You must be excited to have some time off!" Both my DD and the other looked at each other then the Mom and said, "No. We would like to be playing." The point of this statement is as follows. It is about them. My wife and I made this choice when they were very young to persuade them to play at a higher level. At that point it was more our decision than theirs cause they were young and game for anything. Now they want to pursue it. Now they LOVE it. Now that the game means something to them. Now it is a part of their DNA and it is teaching them something every day, Who am I to take that away. As a matter of fact. Why would I not want to be involved in every way. Why? Because as stated earlier by another, We are ALL gonna miss this. And when we do...We will have our lives back. Whether we will enjoy them as much is yet to be determined.
I understand being tired. I'd say talk to the girls and discuss "balance in life". Tell them that you need one day a week of no Softball. (Not that I believe in this philosophy personally. Then again I'm certifiable.) Agree on that day. Then let that be the one evening you watch your favorite shows, listen to you favorite music. Then....Get back in the yard the next day and enjoy your time with your DD's. good luck.

 

[NachoMama]

I know the edge you're on too well. I'm on it often Fortunately, Step-Dad and I share in this lifestyle together. DD is 14 and I stopped catching her when she was 10. He's in charge of catching and fielding. I'm in charge of hitting, shagging balls, and I'm normally the driver.

I usually just cry. Honestly....I'm not proud of this tactic. But it works. When I feel completely abused (leave work early, get to work late, no money in the bank account, etc) I just look at my daughter and tell her "I have no life, I don't hang out with my friends on the weekends, I can't finish laundry, I don't see my family, I miss out on a lot...and I put my job at jeopardy. Plus...we had to turn off cable." She gets it...and she'll apologize and realize how lucky she is.

Practice with TB twice during the week, hitting lessons on Weds, Pitching lessons on Fri...tourneys on weekends or practice. Lots of parents I know don't have the time, the money, the transportation, the resources, etc to do these things for their kids. We're surrounded by parents that are eating softball dirt every weekend. Consider yourself lucky It's okay to ignore everyone once in a while. You need "you" time too!!

 

[cuzmail]

MandM,

My beloved Wife gives me about 60 seconds a week to tell her what's going on in Softball land.

Maybe this is what needs to be addressed? With softball being such a big part of your family's life either directly or indirectly it may require more accpetance and involvement from Mom (even if it is indirectly).

 

[absdad]

You are the lucky one. The girls want to be with you. So many girls don't want anything to do with their parents. I didn't dislike being the parent that was involved. If DD needed a bat, I bought it. No running the purchase past the other parent. I would love it if I had 2 daughters wanting to play ball, at the end of the day.

I told myself this the other day... that I was lucky. My kid is on her third pair of spikes this year. I couldn't belive the amount of money I'm spending, bats, batting gloves... it never ends. Sometimes I feel like I don't have a second to myself. But I'm not bailing my kid out of jail, she doesn't drink or smoke or any of that crap. She gets good grades, and is goal driven to play college ball. Kids that she played rec ball with years ago, some have dropped out, gotten pregnant, involved with drugs, etc, etc.

Yeah, I'm pretty lucky to have no time to myself.