need advice....

[11smom]

My dd is a lefty, and was a pitcher for about 3 years. Around the time she turned 12, her pitching was struggling a bit, but she had just had a huge growth spurt, and her emotions started getting the best of her (she has always been the hardest on herself, and confidence dropped drastically). So, she "took a break" from pitching, but still loves the game, plays first base and bats fairly well. A few months after her break, she started picking up the ball again and pitching with dad on the side, not in games or with team. I think she knew it broke her dad's heart when she stopped pitching, and she gave it another shot, but then abruptly stopped again, saying she just doesn't enjoy pitching.
Our dilemma is this: my husband and I really believe she has a talent for pitching (coaches have told us this also). She isn't a very fast pitcher (which I know really bothered her, compared to her pitching teammates), but had good movement on her pitches and when "on", could really hit her spots. We feel that someday she will come to us and say, "why did you let me quit pitching?"
If she plans to play beyond high school (and right now, that is her goal), a lefty pitcher is something special. There are not too many in our area, and we think it would be of value. Anyone can play first base, and though she is good at it, colleges won't see that as anything worthy of a scholarship. (We totally know that you have to be a stud athlete for a Div.1 school, so we are not thinking in that realm, but you never know what other possibilities are out there).
Now that she has turned 13, we would like to "encourage" her to try it again. (part of me says, leave it alone, being a pitcher's parent is a hard life! lol) Don't want to scare her off, her dad and her are very close, but pitching to him seems to bring out the worst in them both, a love/hate relationship at times. Any advice? Anyone been there?
Thanks

 

[KevinC]

I'm not the parent of a pitcher but I would not push her to get back in to pitching. If she doesn't want to do it she won't do well or have fun.

I would tell any lefty that wants to play at the "next level" to concentrate on 1B, outfield skills, and most of all hitting.

 

[2bucketdad]

Unfortunately no matter how much talent she has and how good she is or can be if she doesn't love pitching and want to put in the extra work it takes to be a great pitcher it doesn't how much we want it for them they are not going to put in the work. Sad but true.

 

[Harry_Tage]

To be a good enough pitcher to garner attention from college coaches requires daily work and extreme determination. If her heart is not in it she will not be willing to put in this work. To be this good there has to not only be hard work but a love of that work and ultimately the results. That being said having worked with my dd for countless hours there are times we just don't click and we both get frustrated with one another and it ends up turning her off for awhile to working on whatever we were working on at that time. If she knows that working on pitching with her dad ends in them not enjoying the time together then that might very well be the root of her saying she doesn't like pitching. I would try to find out how she truly feels about working with her dad without mqking her feel like you are pushing her towards anything. It's worth a shot.

 

[MandM]

Your daughter has to want this for herself because (as I am sure you already know) you can't really make a 13YO do something they do not want to do- because it is not just getting out and pitching the ball- it is "deliberate practice" that results in improvement- along with HARD work. I get along with my daughter very well (I am mom and catcher for her)- but there have been some contentious moments, times when i was out of bounds to be sure, but something we usually smile about an hour later. But I can definitely see how the moments that are too contentious would be a drain and result in a general negative feeling about the sport- that is why I think Harry's words are VERY wise. I would explore the reasons for her not wanting to pitch- maybe having someone else catch for her- or setting up a system where she can practice into a net would solve the issue- but if she generally does not enjoy the pressure of pitching = or the need for repetitive practice- then she is right to focus her interest elsewhere- whether she has a talent for it or not.

 

[sluggers]

Agree with what was said.

The truth: Only she can make herself a good pitcher. 90% of the work, both physical as well as mental, is done by the pitcher. If she isn't going to commit to it 100%, she'll fail and you and she would have wasted time and money.

Just a reminder: You only have a few more years before she morphs into an adult. It would be a shame to have these last years filled with struggles over pitching when you and she could be doing something she really wants to do.

 

[FrozenRope]

I think there are a lot of valid point brought up here about letting her choose what she wants to do. I'm one to encourage my kids to stick with something that they start, but my oldest just turned 10. She only ALMOST knows everything!! I'm sure by the time she's 13 she will most definatly KNOW IT ALL! I do think it's worth investigating to see if it's Dad that's the problem. No knock on Dad at all, but sometimes we get so passionate about our little girl's success, and our own pride, that we place WAY to much pressure on them, and don't see that we're taking something they at one point LOVED to do, and made it something that they now despise because of the tension it brings.

her dad and her are very close, but pitching to him seems to bring out the worst in them both, a love/hate relationship at times. Any advice?

How well does she know the team catcher? Maybe you could try to arrange it that the team catcher wants to get some extra work in, and maybe your daughter can throw to her, so the CATCHER can get some work. Or maybe there's a girl on the team that WANTS to be a catcher, but she's just not good at it yet. Just a thought. She might enjoy just going out and throwing without being corrected, or critiqued on every pitch.

We feel that someday she will come to us and say, "why did you let me quit pitching?"

Dont be afraid to share this with her. This is where you share a story of something you gave up and regretted it!! If you don't have one... make one up!!

 

[chinamigarden]

My dd is a lefty, and was a pitcher for about 3 years. Around the time she turned 12, her pitching was struggling a bit, but she had just had a huge growth spurt, and her emotions started getting the best of her (she has always been the hardest on herself, and confidence dropped drastically). So, she "took a break" from pitching, but still loves the game, plays first base and bats fairly well. A few months after her break, she started picking up the ball again and pitching with dad on the side, not in games or with team. I think she knew it broke her dad's heart when she stopped pitching, and she gave it another shot, but then abruptly stopped again, saying she just doesn't enjoy pitching.
Our dilemma is this: my husband and I really believe she has a talent for pitching (coaches have told us this also). She isn't a very fast pitcher (which I know really bothered her, compared to her pitching teammates), but had good movement on her pitches and when "on", could really hit her spots. We feel that someday she will come to us and say, "why did you let me quit pitching?"
If she plans to play beyond high school (and right now, that is her goal), a lefty pitcher is something special. There are not too many in our area, and we think it would be of value. Anyone can play first base, and though she is good at it, colleges won't see that as anything worthy of a scholarship. (We totally know that you have to be a stud athlete for a Div.1 school, so we are not thinking in that realm, but you never know what other possibilities are out there).
Now that she has turned 13, we would like to "encourage" her to try it again. (part of me says, leave it alone, being a pitcher's parent is a hard life! lol) Don't want to scare her off, her dad and her are very close, but pitching to him seems to bring out the worst in them both, a love/hate relationship at times. Any advice? Anyone been there?
Thanks

OK at the risk of sounding harsh. Your dd probably does not have enough talent to pitch in college (first of all very few do), I don't care what anyone else has said to you but going from your own words it sounds like its not for her. She isn't a fast pitcher and hits her spots when she is "on". Which means its not all the time or even most of the time. If she is not fast and she does not hit her spots, she is a below average pitcher. Now thats the bad news, the good news is. She doesn't want to pitch.

So why make her? If she is happy to play ball then let her do what she wants.

You say it brings out the worst in your DH and DD, You only have these kids at home for a finite amount of time, why introduce something into the relationship that brings out the worst in them. Imagine having your mother or father make you do something you don't want to do, and then they fight with you while doing it? Is playing college softball her dream? It sounds like its your dream for her, but do you know the time commitment to college softball? Are you willing to limit your dds academics for the game? Because for many (most) players that college team demands time that should be spent on studies, so the quality of degree earned suffers.

Let your dd enjoy the game, college likes lefty pitchers but they love lefty hitters. Take her for hitting lessons let her work on the part of the game she loves and her love for the game will grow. To force her into the thing she doesn't like, will drive her from the game all together.

 

[11smom]

Thank for the advice. I do realize that the "college softball" dream is not going to be a reality for most, and we also know that we probably look at our dd with those "rose-colored glasses" (as most of us do!).When she quit, her pitching coach called us and was truly disappointed, as "good lefty pitchers" are hard to find. He said she had very good movement on her pitches. I guess that stuck with my husband, because he feels she quit because "her speed isn't the fastest". She is very hard on herself and her confidence dropped. That being said, dd is a VERY competive, hard-working. talented athlete and we want to see her reach her full potential. We would never make her do anything she truly doesn't want to, but at the same time are wondering, should we give a gentle nudge, as she used to love to pitch. Dad thinks she may be "punishing him", by being stubborn, and to be honest, she is at that stage. He is very analytical, and although willing to spend the countless hours on the bucket catching, I wish he would just do it quietly, as I see that the critique of every pitch gets to her. (I wish I could catch for her, but I didn't get the athletic genes in my family - older brothers or friends are an option)
The good news, I guess is that DD still loves the game, and does see a batting coach and is focusing on that right now. We really do treasure our time with our children, and yes these years do fly by too fast. Just don't want the "what ifs" later.
Guess I will have a talk with her soon to see "why" pitching is no longer a joy for her. And if there's anything we can do to make it work for her, then we are available. Maybe she'll pick it up again in the future and we'll be supportive if she doesn't. Thanks again for letting me vent!

 

[sluggers]

I hear what you are saying...

Here is something to consider: If your DD was a real good hitter, she would play every inning of every game. If she were a real good pitcher, she would play about 30% to 40% of the innings. A a person who loves softball could make a rational decision and say "Someone else can pitch. I'm going to play the outfield and bat!"

Quick story: My DD#1 loved to pitch, and she gave up a lot in order to pitch. My DD#3 loved to hit and wasn't that crazy about pitching. She would do it, but she wouldn't give up everything else she wanted to do to pitch. The HS softball coach kept after DD#3 to pitch, but she didn't want to. Finally, DD#3, who was probably the best hitter at the HS, quit playing at the end of her sophomore year because the HS coach wouldn't let it go.