I know I'm right, but a little affirmation can't hurt

[Momo'sDad]

10u rec - My side of the story is a bit long, so I'll need to do 2 posts.

Here's the gist: I don't manage every game with a 'we must win, or else!' mentality and it's led to some friction between Team Mom - who also happens to be our daughter's mom - and me.

She feels that I deliberately sabotage the team by:

1) occasionally having the weak hitters at the top of the lineup
2) putting weak fielders on the infield
3) allowing girls other than our daughter to pitch

As you might imagine, #3 is the one the irks her the most.

We're now in what I consider the competitive phase of the season, and we've won 3 straight. And even if (admittedly) our kid did pretty much save the team in each game, she wasn't perfect in the circle, and she darn sure didn't do it alone. We won those games, because other girls were given a chance to make plays and were successful.

Our #3 pitcher has gotten roughed up a bit this season. In her previous start before Saturday, she'd given up 5 runs on 7 walks and a hit. She struck out only 1. The next inning, instead of sending out our ace, our #4 pitcher was sent into the circle. She walked 8, but I was so proud of her for getting 2 strikeouts. She'd been working hard for weeks to get ready and as promised, I made sure she got time in the circle.
I wasn't sure there would be another chance for her to pitch this season, and to me, all that mattered was giving her the experience and keeping the promise I'd made.

TM's argument was that the team had 'deserved' to win that game and lost because of me. I then showed her my sheet which indicated we'd had multiple batters look at called 3rd strikes with runners in scoring position. Against a pitcher we'd previously scored 11 and 15 against, we scored 3. We lost that game because we didn't hit, not because we tried 2 inexperienced pitchers. Then of course she blamed me for not having our best bats at the top.

#3 pitcher went out this past Saturday in a must-win game and held the team we hadn't beaten (yet) to 4 runs. She walked 5 and gave up 2 hit, but she struck out 3. I don't care how you define it, that's progress and that's also getting the job done when the team needs it. We went to the top of the 2nd trailing only 4-3.

We then scored 4 to go into the bottom of the 2nd leading 7-4. I sent DD out to make sure things stayed under control and she walked 2 and struck out 3.

Pitcher #3's confidence soaring after her circle time, she got a bat on the ball in her next at-bat and knocked in 2 runs which enabled us to put the game out of reach at 11-4.

I then sent pitcher #2 out and TM started freaking out again - 'Why don't you ever leave Mojo in??' I calmly explained that, based on the clock situation, there was no way for us to lose the game, even if #2 surrendered 5 runs. She, too, had had a few rough outings recently and the team NEEDS her to have her confidence heading into the tournament. 1 BB, 3 K's to seal the deal, the best she'd pitched all season.

Most of our girls are achieving a lot more than they expected to this season. We've won some games, competed well in most cases, and had a lot of fun along the way. But even though we are on a nice little winning streak, Mom isn't happy with the way I'm coaching and it isn't just enough to not be happy. She really wants me to know she's not happy. *sigh*

 

[Momo'sDad]

The latest: With 2 games left in the regular season, 1 of which is against the all-star team, there's really no pressure on us. The only thing left to sort is whether we'll be the 2-seed or the 3-seed. Higher seed is designated as the home team, but I wouldn't mind getting first at-bat in order to put pressure on whomever we'll face.

I've figured out a formula that may allow us to compete with - and possibly beat - the all-star team and discussed it with Mojo. I intend to purposely not use it for the final regular-season game, choosing instead to save it for a potential meet-up with them in the championship game. I know that we're not there yet and that anything could happen, but I feel justified in my confidence that we're playing the best ball of all the non all-star teams.

Mom's argument is that we should play to win EVERY game and my response was that reserving a strategy for a later meeting doesn't mean the team isn't playing hard. It's my belief that I'd rather not give their coaches an opportunity to make adjustments before we (hopefully) see them again.

So again, in her words, I'm sabotaging the team by not giving them the best possible opportunity to win a meaningless regular season game. I argue that by not tipping our hand early just to prove we can compete, we give our girls the best chance to perform well when it really counts.

1) the other team doesn't know what we have up our sleeves
2) the other team has beaten us soundly and may be overconfident

Our #1 team goal all along was to advance to the title game and we've positioned ourselves perfectly to achieve it. I don't see the problem.

I'm right, right?

 

[ElmoBlatch]

Let her manage the team and you can walk away. If she says no then she forfeits her right to have an opinion.

 

[Lozza]

Just to be clear you're discussing strategy with your daughter?

Also, not sure on the wording but are team mom and you still together?

 

[joemcq51]

I think you are screwed no matter what. My advice is to execute YOUR plan and pray it works. If you lose, you will never live it down. Reality is, it's rec ball. If the girls are smiling you are doing the right thing. Not sure about the whole 4th pitcher coming in, but hey its your team. I would think if you had 4 pitchers who could throw in a game, you would be ahead of the curve. Give em hell.

 

[sluggers]

Are we going to start referring to "Crazy Parent" rather than "Crazy Daddy"? Holy moley... People fight so hard in rec ball because the stakes are oh so low.

We've won some games, competed well in most cases, and had a lot of fun along the way.

Clearly, you are a colossal failure at coaching. It would be better to win all the games, have the kids hate each other, and have 50% of the parents loathe you.

I argue that by not tipping our hand early just to prove we can compete, we give our girls the best chance to perform well when it really counts.

Do you think they will start using the "Williams Shift" or decide to go with more riseballs than drops? This is meaningless drivel, but if she buys it and it keeps her off your back, great.

So again, in her words, I'm sabotaging the team by not giving them the best possible opportunity to win a meaningless regular season game.

In 10U rec ball, where the right fielder can be distracted by the Good Humor ice cream truck?

I would like to comment more, but I'm kind of busy. I'll check back after the straight-jackets are properly secured.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Did your wife every play softball? I truthfully wouldn't want her anywhere near the ball field. She will incite others and be on the phone with them, stirring up something all of the time. If she wants to win so bad, sign her up for slow pitch and she can go for it.

 

[Momo'sDad]

Let her manage the team and you can walk away. If she says no then she forfeits her right to have an opinion.

I need her and she needs me, but things go so much better when we each mind our roles within the team. I leave the dugout stuff to her (save the one incident earlier in the season where I was out of line) and all the on-field calls are on me. I did suggest that she get certified, though.

 

[PEPPERS]

I would tell her my goal is to have fun for the kids, develop softball players, give the kids learning experience and not to put trophies in a trophy case.

I us to always say, if we had fun and we learned something it was a good day no matter who won.

 

[Momo'sDad]

The players are 10. All should play. Walks for the pitchers don't matter; they are expected, as well is some of the other defensive and offensive skills failing at times. They are learning.

The good player now may not be the dominant player two years from now. You can still play to win and make it clear that a good performance is expected. (I often say up a certain amount (10 runs perhaps) or down a certain amount, that really means subs go in no matter what.

However, I would not do anything to hide things up one's sleeves or avoid tipping one's hands, etc. at this age. If you do things to get other kids in, great, but trying to outmaneuver another "adult" (ie, opposing coach) is not a good goal.

'Not the adult's game' is a good answer to any part of the argument.

Not every rec coach believes in equal playing time, but I would say most of the 10u coaches this year did and as a vested observer, I was happy to see that. My pitchers and catchers average an inning or so more per game than everyone else, and I did give my all-star nominees an extra inning each over the past few games in order to showcase them for the voters. Other than that, I used a spreadsheet style manager to make sure everything was equal.

Until a week or so ago, we had no clear #1 pitcher, so the 2 of them shared the majority of innings 50-50, or 40-40, since about 20% went to #3.

I love all the coaches in our division and have enjoyed working alongside them this season. Having said that, the all-star team's coaches do coach to win every game (they decided to team up to coach this season, which put the 2 best pitchers/players on 1 team and gave them an additional 1st-round pick, too), so all their games have been walkovers. I don't blame them for the way they stacked their team, nor am I upset with them at all, but given the situation, I see nothing wrong with employing a little strategy in an attempt to make the game more competitive.

I don't want to team up with another coach whose daughter is a star pitcher. I'll certainly try to get us a reliable 2nd pitcher in 2012, but I'm not going into the process saying that I want the division's top 2 players on my team. I know my girls and to a person, we all love winning the close games, even if it really stings when we lose by 1 run, which has happened twice this season.

But make no mistake, looking ahead, we're definitely going into next season with winning the championship as the goal.