A Dad and a Daughter

[BobInMadison]

In my case, I was an unbelievably clumsy kid. I sucked at sports, esp. baseball (and softball).

I use my kids' interest in sports as a way to try to bond with them. I don't know JACK about softball. I just learn what I can from my kids, the coaches, and from DFP.

So, as far as I am concerned, any of my kids are better than I am at any sport.

You may wonder why I brag on a B level pitcher -- well, she's a lot better than I could ever imagine any of my kids being.

 

[murphdog]

All of the athletic talent in my house went to DD. DS is bad at every sport, not a little bit bad, but really bad, it's just not his thing. Did I ever tell him this when he was playing? Nope, kept my mouth shut until the day I said "Hey, do you want to play baseball again this year?" He turned, looked me in the eye and said "Haven't you realized I really suck at sports?". It was a decision he had to make on his own, if he wanted to keep playing I would have keot signing him up and secretly praying he wouldn't be the worst kid on the team.

He's 11 now, doesn't play any sports but can cook like a champ, even makes homemade pasta from time to time. We leave the sports playing to his big sister

 

[Elk Grove Hurricane]

I remember being that kid occasionally, not necessarily in just sports. He is going to destroy her self-confidence, and it takes years sometimes to get it back.
My oldest is most recent season was near the bottom of the bench a lot. She still made me pretty proud, always hustled, never less than 100% effort and never gave up. She started at Nationals because of perseverance and finally developing some confidence. My job was pretty simple, give her the support she needed and stay the hell out of the way

 

[marriard]

On a daily basis I remind warriorangela that I swear she looks like the cable man that stepped into our home 15 years ago....

I tell people that the more DD looks like her mother, the happier she will be (and she does so that is good).
[MENTION=938]Cannonball[/MENTION], good for you for speaking up to her father and risking a friendship over it. I know you are expecting a pretty defensive response as no one wants to be told how to raise their kid, or that they are the problem - but it clearly needs to be said. Maybe you don't get that response, or after reflection he will realize you are right and maybe even apologize (don't hold your breath), but you will sleep better.

Apart from what I consider my very direct family, I really don't care what others think about me, so knowing I did the right thing is what makes me comfortable within my own skin.

I have told this story before.... someone I very much respect sat me down when DD was about 10 or 11 and told me I was signing her up to play too much softball and I needed to back off before she quit. They were absolutely right though it took me 24 hours to realize it. I didn't react badly enough to need to apologize, but I have thanked that person at least 5 times since for that conversation. I don't know if my DD would still be playing if I had continued down the path I was taking her.

 

[CMMom1740]

All of the athletic talent in my house went to DD. DS is bad at every sport, not a little bit bad, but really bad, it's just not his thing. Did I ever tell him this when he was playing? Nope, kept my mouth shut until the day I said "Hey, do you want to play baseball again this year?" He turned, looked me in the eye and said "Haven't you realized I really suck at sports?". It was a decision he had to make on his own, if he wanted to keep playing I would have keot signing him up and secretly praying he wouldn't be the worst kid on the team.

He's 11 now, doesn't play any sports but can cook like a champ, even makes homemade pasta from time to time. We leave the sports playing to his big sister

Man, your 11-year old DS needs to meet my 11-year old DS. Same exact story. But that kid has an incredible vocabulary and wit. He blows me away sometimes. And he loves all things digital and computer. I'm hoping he'll become a video game developer and support good old Mom and Dad with his millions someday. Fantastic kid and he does not appear to resent his sister's athletic prowess a bit or the time we invest in her sports.

 

[jacman]

DD is the cake. Whatever she does is icing. The fact that softball is a major part of the icing is an incredible blessing for me, as baseball (and now because of her, softball) has always been a passion.

I think it's fair to say I influenced her choice about softball. Her mom and I married when DD was 5, in a year when the Cardinals won the World Series. She got her first Cardinals tshirt; we had a poster counting down the magic number... you get the drift. Over the years we have become very close, and the "step" title has long been a thing of the past.

But to the point: DD has made the game her own. I can't describe the pride I feel when I see her play. Because I see HER character, HER effort, HER skills, HER determination, HER strength, HER passion. Not mine. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Cannonball, the greatest tragedy here that I see is that this father you mention will never experience such pride in his daughter. Only in himself, because he'll everything she's done will be because of him. And everything she hasn't done will be because of her. Hard for either one to know love in that environment.

I'm very grateful you'll be doing lessons for her. And I appreciate your courage in preparing to speak the truth to the father. Please take care not alienate him to the point you lose opportunity to help his DD. A little girl needs you. You're in my prayers.

 

[canyonjoe]

Man, your 11-year old DS needs to meet my 11-year old DS. Same exact story. But that kid has an incredible vocabulary and wit. He blows me away sometimes. And he loves all things digital and computer. I'm hoping he'll become a video game developer and support good old Mom and Dad with his millions someday. Fantastic kid and he does not appear to resent his sister's athletic prowess a bit or the time we invest in her sports.

My just turned 13 YO DS is the same. He is OK at baseball and loves to play, but doesn't push it enough to get much better. He is however just his Project away from becoming an Eagle Scout, great with computers and just the nicest kid. He thinks his sister is a very good player and doesn't resent it although he is much happier when he doesn't have to go to all the games.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

From one of my favorite movies that portray life => Parenthood:
"You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Heck, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any (bad adjective) (poophole) be a father."

In earlier TB there was a dad I knew that verbally abused/drove the crud out of his daughter. Was the helicopter parent that every coach would run away from. I always thought I should step in. It just violated the norms I had for right/wrong. (no physical abuse but the verbal was just terrible).

I didn't step in with any kind of potentially confrontational challenge to this dad (in this case), and (in this case) I was happy in the end I didn't because as they went together from 14U to college I saw his daughter get to the point where she would stand her own against him. These two learned how to work this "different" relationship.

All I am saying is that it's easy to project what you think is the "right" way but we have to remember that people differ. All I am saying is that "be sure" you see the entire picture before you insert yourself.

 

[sluggers]

I'm with you CB, you have to at least "try" to get through to the dad.

While I appreciate your kind words, I was a total idiot until DD's pitching coach ("The Snake") taught me "how the hog ate the cabbage" about softball.

Good luck!

 

[Il softball fan]

Good luck CB if you do decide to have the talk with the dad. I was never what I would consider really hard on DD, but she was about 12 when I had the realization that my being coach instead of just Dad was not a good idea. Ever since, I don't offer any advise, criticism, or tips, unless DD asks for them. I found that sitting in the stands and cheering them on is more fun than the stress of being coach anyways. (to me)