what to do with "that kid"

Her age will dictate the advice but others have already covered some important ones which Ill repeat:
1. Have assistant coaches be her coach - some girls are the biggest brats to their own parents and sweathearts to others
2. Playing time - even if she is the best player bench her if her attitude stinks - she may not get it but the other kids and parents will
3. Get a 3rd party assessment on situation: Ask your other coaches and parents if THEY feel the same way you do - we tend to be our kids worst critics
4. Take a season off as manager and have her be coached by someone else (fall ball is ideal time)
I will add:
5. Talk about sportsmanship and teamwork to WHOLE team and run drills etc that require cooperation among teammates... her seeing the talk to whole team and not just her may make her less defensive and more willing to be part of the team

shelbysdad said:

have you thought about retiring from coaching? I find the games more enjoyable in a chair hiding beer in a foam cup like the rest of the parents. Seriously though, I had this exact same problem when I coached 10u. I decided my dd would be better off with someone else coaching. I also realized she was getting a reputation as a brat and good players would not want to join my team because of it. I would guess she is a good player, maybe the best, on your team. Find a team where she is challenged to work hard and control her attitude for playing time. You are not doing her any favors allowing this to continue. Good luck. I've been there.

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I absolutely agree with this. It sounds like it's time to step down and push the little birdy from the nest. She will be forced to fly on her own, without daddy to rescue her. Even if you never actually did, she still has that sense of security because you are the coach and she knows you will love her no matter what. As she gets older, if you continue coaching, the piss poor attitude is likely to get worse. I think, for the sake of your relationship, it's best to "give" her to someone else. You will probably be surprised by her growth, both in her game and in her attitude. Sadly, this is something that many parent coaches don't seem to be willing to see or understand. Good luck to you.

WARRIORMIKE said:

How is she being a jerk? What are her motives? What age are we talking about?

Listen listen listen Linda. We can't always control what our kids say and do. In this case you can. Have her stay home while you run your practices and games. If she askes " whete are you going mommy". Then tell her that you're going somewhere fun and enjoyable. Where bad attitudes are tolerated. When you have your practices make them super fun. Have a pizza party with out your daughter under the same idea.

She needs to understand that her bad attitude will get her no where in life. The few things she missed out on was because of attitude. If it gets worse call Dr.phil

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I agree with this. Be resolute, and even if she behaves the final days leading up to tournament weekend make her stay home. (With no video games or funzies) It may hurt you a weekend or two but this is your last resort so stick with it. Kindly inform her your situation and that you can't put her on another team because you made commitments to your other players. Don't let her play over a girl with a good attitude. Your are teaching her and her teammates what is permissible on your team. Don't even tell her in advance, the day you are going to play or practice and after she gets ready, just tell her she isn't going and walk off.. Just my opinion.

11- first year 12U.

JJ-I used to think that was the case. That maybe I was being to critical or expecting too much. All that has done is make it worse because honestly I've just been dodging the issue, maybe even trying to pretend it really wasn't that big of an issue and hey she'll grow out of it. Whoa that was the way wrong answer!!! Which is why I now have admitted the problem so I gotta either fix it or move on.

As her coach, tell her what you need from her. Don't just tell her to "improve her attitude" or "be a better teammate." Be specific. Tell her exactly what behaviors you need to see. And make it about you and the team: "I need you to [X], and as a team, we need [Y], and when we have that we can accomplish [Z] because........" Don't make it about her and what she is doing wrong, or she will likely tune you out. Also realize that punishment doesn't change behavior in the long term. That's why pulling her out of a game only worked for a little while. Rewards are much more powerful for changing behavior. In fact, behavioral psychology says that be effective you have to reward the behavior you want at least 4 times for every time you punish behavior you don't want. Leave her home from a tournament? Okay, but you have to balance that by setting a behavioral expectation and rewarding her when she makes steps toward it. Why should you reward her just for being a decent human being? Because the science says that how you change behavior.

How is she other places? Have parents quit letting their daughter hang out with her? Is she in activities at school? Is she disrespectful to other teachers and coaches?

So, what could bother an 11 YO? Mom and dad divorced, so I am going to act out and embarrass mom, in public? Mom is pretty and I don't like that? I am going to have a boyfriend, no matter what she says? I didn't get an iPhone 6, so I will make everyone else miserable?

And, maybe she just doesn't know what is wrong, but she can figure that out at home, doing the dishes.

Shelbysdad- Retiring? No I haven't. I love coaching and will do it regardless of whether my kids play for me or not. As far as this dd (oldest of 3) we've committed to the team through next summer. If I can't change this then she'll be on her own for sure.

WARRIORMIKE said:

How is she being a jerk? What are her motives? What age are we talking about?

Listen listen listen Linda. We can't always control what our kids say and do. In this case you can. Have her stay home while you run your practices and games. If she askes " where are you going mommy". Then tell her that you're going somewhere fun and enjoyable. Where bad attitudes are not tolerated. When you have your practices make them super fun. Have a pizza party with out your daughter under the same idea.

She needs to understand that her bad attitude will get her no where in life. The few things she missed out on was because of attitude. If it gets worse call Dr.phil

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She is 11. She's a jerk in that she thinks she knows it all. She doesn't need to hear correction because she does everything right. She'll sometimes not always get mad if a teammate doesn't make a play. A lot of negative comments I guess you could say.

Easton33 said:

I agree with this. Be resolute, and even if she behaves the final days leading up to tournament weekend make her stay home. (With no video games or funzies) It may hurt you a weekend or two but this is your last resort so stick with it. Kindly inform her your situation and that you can't put her on another team because you made commitments to your other players. Don't let her play over a girl with a good attitude. Your are teaching her and her teammates what is permissible on your team. Don't even tell her in advance, the day you are going to play or practice and after she gets ready, just tell her she isn't going and walk off.. Just my opinion.

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You know... I've never not given her a warning, the old shape up or ship out is what I've done I suppose. I really like that idea... catch her by surprise. Maybe I've become to predictable, in that she knows she can push it and as long as she is good when I threaten her she will be hunky-dory! Duh- how did I not see that?