As coaches, please tell me...

Every girl on my team is like my own daughter. I know some subjects for a 14U to relate to a male coach can be a little embarrassing or may just needs to told in general terms. I tell them all I will defend and protect them like my own also try to have the team lift them up.

I hold no judgments on a player over one tournament or one practice. I can tell usually by time warm ups are finishing who is starting or not by body language and simple mechanics of throwing and catching.

Sometimes the other players showing the girl down some love and care will help bring them up. Mine this past weekend could not hit a spot with her pitch during pre-game warm ups. Was on a 3 day field trip that had her tired, was very sick for two days before tournament. She was just not herself, nothing I could say could change her mind that she just in her words "sucked today". Her catcher and 1st base talked to her, got her smiling, round of high fives and some hugs with tears....pitched an almost perfect game with only 1 walk and 1 hit, then 2 more games that evening.

Remember the team is family (or at least mine is) and family lifts each other up.

First I hope the situation is resolving or can be resolved, know that all of us here are pulling for your family. As far as one bad weekend it happens sometimes for a reason and other times for no apparent reason at all. If your DD's coach is a good one s/he will not judge her whole season on one bad weekend. The coach chose her for a reason, saw something s/he liked. Tough as it is, and I am sure its really tough right now understand that learning to perform well at a task while having a problem in one aspect of her life is a skill that will serve your DD well. Many adults never learned this skill and their work suffers as a consequence. My DD has had occasional anxiety attacks. One morning on the way to practice she had a really bad one. I suggested she approach it as an opportunity to work through it as a form of practice. That she would likely at sometime during a tournament have an attack and this was a great chance to work through the attack with no real pressure and get some "muscle memory" on how to get past it. She got what I was suggesting and was able to get herself to a point that she was able to practice . I guess my point is that your attitude and approach will impact her attitude and approach. Stay positive and encourage her to take the correct steps with her issue. Good luck to you and your DD. Mike S

mike s said:

First I hope the situation is resolving or can be resolved, know that all of us here are pulling for your family.

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Thank you, I'm feeling it. I really do appreciate everything.

As a coach, I want to know about injuries and illnesses before the game so I can plan accordingly and make changes as necessary. The other stuff that is more personal and emotional than physical I really don't need to know. If the situation is really bad than the player should not be at the game but if she suits up she is telling me she is ready to play the game and will give it her best effort.

If it is my DD, I'm not going to make excuses for her before or after the game. Everyone has issues any given week but they do their best and sometimes they may not play well, but that's ok. The great thing about fastpitch is there is always another game on the immediate horizon.

The only reason I would want to know is so I as a coach wouldn't be adding to her emotional state in a negative way. I've seen some coaches go off the deep end for poor performance and if said performance was caused by something significant within the family, that could break the kid.

All of that other nonsense about I want to know so it doesn't affect the team is crap IMO.

I am not a coach, but my family is going through a bit of a rough spot right now. I didn't realize how much it was affecting the kids until recently.

I have made the coaches for DD's TB team aware of the situation. They are aware that the situation may very well require the family to move, which will have an effect on the team. It may very likely require for me to spend a great deal of time out of town. The coaches have been very nice about it, and have volunteered to give rides to my daughter when I am not around. In fact, one of the TB coaches gave DD a ride to a rec league game where the TB coach was coaching the OTHER team. Pretty nice to give a ride to the other team's star player.

I guess this was a case where I HAD to let them know.

For the OP's case, a few things to consider:

Is this something that could have a big effect on the team, or at least your DD's performance? Sometimes these have a bigger effect than you would hope.

Is the coach someone your DD feels comfortable with? In some cases, it would be good for your DD to talk with another adult. In other cases, it could be very embarrassing to her.

I would suggest you talk with your DD before deciding what to do.

And, I really hope for the best for you, and your entire family. Life can be rough at times, and we can't always shield our kids the way we would hope.

I hope everything works out for you and yours and that your problems are resolved quickly. As a coach, when it comes to my team, I treat my girls as if they were my own. Like others on here, by the end of warm-ups, I can usually tell who isn't acting like themselves and will try and find out why without prying too deep. If the mood continues, they will not start. I will make sure the team tries to help them out by raising their spirits and will get them in later in the game. One bad tournament is not a big deal IMO. Now, if it were to continue over the course of 3-4 tournaments, we might have a problem and I would try to talk to the parents and find out in general terms what was going on and how I, my family and the softball team may help...even if it's only to be there for emotional support. In the meantime, tell your DD that even though we are strangers, her DFP softball family is pulling for her and we wish her all the best. Also tell her we said a vast majority of us on here think that a single bad tournament is meaningless. She may feel bad about letting her team down with her bad performance but what is most important is not how she feels about it, but what she does sbout it. She needs to go out next practice and tournament and tear her teams opponents a new....well you get the idea