As coaches, please tell me...

Cecelia said:

On a personal level, my poor daughter is dealing with something very difficult (and very personal) in her home life that no kid should have to deal with.

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I hope everything is alright on this front as this is way more important that softball.

If your DD feels the need she could probably just say coach had a lot of heavy stuff going on in my life last weekend so I wasn't really myself. But it's probably not necessary if either you or her don't feel comfortable bringing it up.

As a coach I don't need, nor do I want personal info from a player or family. That said, a simple heads-up prior to the game/tournament/practice is always appreciated: "Hey, DD had a rough morning, she might not be 100%." in a private conversation.

Asking the 14yo to have that conversation is 100% a prenting decision totally unrelated to playing ball - she might not have your preferred mental filter in place before talking.

During and post game, I'm quite certain that I would have picked up on the fact that she wasn't 100%. I would have asked her if she was OK, given her the opportunity to take a break.

We all deal with crap outside of playing ball. I'll echo a few others here: a single game or tournament is a non-issue, everyone has a bad day.

As a coach, I need to know if there's an issue preventing a player from giving her all. I had a kid decide her torn rotator cuff wasn't worth telling me about. Granted she didn't know the severity of her shoulder pain at the time. But she went out to right field during the Northern National Tournament and proceeded to make one horrible throw after another before I benched her for her terrible performance. It was then I was finally told her shoulder was hurting... If something prevents a player from playing 100% whether it be emotional or physical the coaches should know before hand. Otherwise we are left to assume she sucks or is just lazy etc...

BuckeyeGuy said:

As a coach I don't need, nor do I want personal info from a player or family. That said, a simple heads-up prior to the game/tournament/practice is always appreciated: "Hey, DD had a rough morning, she might not be 100%." in a private conversation.

Asking the 14yo to have that conversation is 100% a prenting decision totally unrelated to playing ball - she might not have your preferred mental filter in place before talking.

During and post game, I'm quite certain that I would have picked up on the fact that she wasn't 100%. I would have asked her if she was OK, given her the opportunity to take a break.

We all deal with crap outside of playing ball. I'll echo a few others here: a single game or tournament is a non-issue, everyone has a bad day.

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Yes to the above, we are a little older but I want the players to tell me they are not 100%, either physically or mentally. I have tried to instill that if you are not 100% it isn't fair to the rest of the team if you go out there. We can usually make adjustments to the line up.

As a coach, I don't judge a player by one day. I would relax about it. That said if you want to say something, its ok, but probably unnecessary. I've seen every top player on the team have an off day, from the ace pitcher to the .791 hitter, to the all star defensive first base player, it happens to everyone. As a coach I've had some off days and made bad decisions on sending runners, I just own it and do better next time and ignore the parents asking if I am a moron.

If it continues to affect her play, it will affect the coaches decisions on playing time and such, as it should, eventually its players ability and effort that will determine playing time, position, etc.

The poor performance in one Fall tournament probably wont affect her playing time going forward. But , if there were issues , they should have been communicated to the coach before the games. Eluding to those things after a bad day just comes off looking like excuses.

Keep the coach aware of possible issues before it becomes an issue on the field. At least they will know if your DD is having an off day the reasons underlying. Don't come to the coach after the fact and make it sound like an excuse. Choose your words carefully and divulge what you think is safe to share.

As a coach, I want to know if there is something that could possibly effect the performance your DD. More so to keep an eye on her. If she needs a break during the game or tournament, I can make adjustments. I will also know how to handle her during the game. Sometimes a joke, a smile, a pat on the back, etc may be required for a little pick me up. Girls need to feel good, to play good.

Every girl no matter who you are talking about has a bad day...It happens and the coaches know that. A good coach will look at stats over longer periods of time. For me 10-15 games minimum before I start really considering them. You should not worry about the first tourney.

Lastly, get your DD professional help if this incident is really affecting her. Good luck to your family.

Orange Socks said:

Keep the coach aware of possible issues before it becomes an issue on the field. At least they will know if your DD is having an off day the reasons underlying. Don't come to the coach after the fact and make it sound like an excuse. Choose your words carefully and divulge what you think is safe to share.

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I don't disagree, but it's hard to predict what might affect a player's performance. I've seen my daughter play well when she was sick or sleep deprived or mildly injured or upset about something, and I've seen her stink when she was fit and eager and looked like Mike Trout in the cage the night before. I probably wouldn't say anything unless it was obvious she was going to be below par, and if it were obvious, I probably wouldn't have to say anything.

CycloneSoftball22 said:

The poor performance in one Fall tournament probably wont affect her playing time going forward. But , if there were issues , they should have been communicated to the coach before the games. Eluding to those things after a bad day just comes off looking like excuses.

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That is exactly what I am afraid of. I don't want it to look like I am making excuses for her.

I had a student last year, who was being forced (by the court system) to see her abusive father. The girl was in 8th grade and she didn't want anyone to know that her father had hit her. I felt like the coach needed to know why she was missing practice, but the young lady was being forced into enough bad situations - so, coach was clueless.

Good luck. Life sucks, sometimes.

How about just saying "I have a personal problem, that we are working through. I will not let it effect the team, again." ??