Very disturbing encounter and conversation with a fellow coach

[Coach JV]

I mean that dads need not tell daughter that she should have caught the ball, hustled etc.
especially on routine plays. Dads should not yell at DD at all during games as they are on the field
with their peers. At the older ages, they feel humiliated etc. I am in favor of dad yelling
'good job' or go get 'em next time. I too explain the coverage etc., I NEVER tell the player,
you should have caught that fly ball etc. This they know!

 

[rockerdad21]

Very well put. I've seen parents like the one discussed here and I never understand it. My daughter loves to play and it is my job to push her to get better, but not to destroy her love of the game. Recognize them when they do well and constructively tell them things they need to improve on. Destroying their spirit and/or making them hate the game is abusive and definitely disgraces the game.

 

[obbay]

I agree that dad is a Jack@$$, but I bet I know a few things about him:
He played baseball when he was a kid and thinks softball is a kind of "baseball lite"
Because of his athletic prowess, he feels more than qualified to coach a girls team.
he has completely age-inapproriate expectations and knows nothing about coaching/teaching girls (as opposed to boys, which he may not know how to coach either)

First of all, he's being way too critical of her pitching. These parents who talk about there DD's Fastball, changeup, riseball, curve, etc at U10 are so full of crap! at U10 her changeup and fastball aren't a whole lot different. work on control only aned don't try any other pitches. throw as many strikes as you can and walk as few batters as possible. There are going to be games where she walks too many batters and has to get pulled out. If they hit her, her fielders better back her up! if they stink, it's not her fault! It takes a TEAM to play.

there may be a teaching opportunity here for you.
When you talk to this guy again it would be good for his DD to be present. talk to her and find out what she likes to do, what are her favorite parts of the game, etc. anything she's having trouble with? (everyone has trouble with something!) then proceed to direct the conversation in a positive direction.

You don't have to give the guy a spanking, do it in more of a "boy have I learned a lot from where I started!" kind of way. I make no secret of the fact that my experience with my first DD showed me that for all I knew about sports, I knew nothing about how to teach a girl how to play. and they do need to be taught. girls are wired differently then males. (big surprise, but I didn't realize it till I lived it)

reassure them that at her age the best thing to do is to just keep playing. we all make mistakes, learn from them and move on. The best thing to enable her growth and nurture a love for the game is positive feedback. "Constructive Criticism" can only be applied to more experienced players but even then is difficult to exercise correctly. (I'm not saying you don't point out mistakes, just do it in a positive way and don't embarass anyone)

also let them know that some of the great devensive plays they saw were not spontaneous but anticipated and rehearsed ahead of time. A good coach understands the level at which his girls are playing and only gives them enough info to move up to the next level. don't try to make all-stars from day one- you teach them to crawl before teaching them to walk. be patient and don't have great expectations.

Most importantly, he must understand the major difference between boys and girls when it comes to performing (as I learned from someone on this board): boys need to play well in order to feel good about themselves. Girls need to feel good about themselves (first) in order to play well.

Maybe this is even more important- time will go by quickly and there are no do-overs in life. enjoy the ride while it lasts. someday it will be over.

good luck
(I have to go back to work)

 

[Bryanr]

Obbay, GREAT POST! This kind of stuff should be weekly required reading for all coach's of younger girls. I know because I was "that dude" when my daughter was in 8U. When we moved to 10U I was the assistant with a much more mellow coach and I was able to see the light. My daughter is now 12U and our main pitcher and we are having the time of our lives! More dads need to WAKE UP, this time is short and you can never get these years back!