The thing I wish didnt have to be

[wild man]

I got to thinking the other day about all the things in coaching that are great, Good, And Bad.
Most things have been real positive but there is one thing that happens to I suppose all coaches that I wish didnt.
What I am speaking of is the first time you coach. The first year I coached I made so many stupid mistakes and the kids are the ones who pay for it.

I wish everyone that starts coaching would start as an assistant to an experienced coach. I know some have started this way but I didnt, My foolish pride said I had to be in charge . That team won alot but I just did so many things the wrong way , Took me years to figure out That I was not as smart as I first thought.

The thing is I did finally give in and start learning, I tried to give advice to a knew coach the other day He brushed me off like I was a fool.

The thing that will get him is he is coaching girls for th first time and thinks he can treat them like the same as a HS boys football team.
Not sure if I feel more for him or the girls. Says he is gonna show everyone how girls should really be handled.
But he will get an education real fast with 14u travel girls dont you think?

 

[druer]

Don't beat yourself up. Looking back can't change anything, and all it does is drag you down. I'm willing to bet you poured what you had into those first teams, and with little knowledge that probably was only what you had in your heart. At the end of the day that is what people want and remember the most. So while you may not have trained them in the sport, you gave them something much more valuable.

I've coached for 16 years now; I've done instruction at camps for all ages for 6 years reaching about 3,000 players; My 2 daughters are both married and have children of their own; I was involved in children's and youth ministry for 16 years; I've read lots of books on psychology/communication for teens and after all of that I can confidently say "I don't have a clue how to reach most of the 13 year old softball players I come across." The one thing that nearly all have in common is "they are illogical at that stage." That coach is in for things that will make his head spin. Just stand back, watch, and enjoy the show.

 

[FPMark]

Wow. As a female, I find this kind of a hurtful thing to say. I hope you mean that you need to learn and not that teen girls are nuts. As everyone knows, I dislike stereotypes of girls and women, especially with regards to our sports.

I say coach both genders the same way and understand it is the coach who has the most to learn to communicate and who needs the most to change. We often coach the easiest way it is for us (perhaps we think we are always right, we're arrogant, don't need to learn, can't control temper) rather than learning to coach.

I'm a little confused. Are you criticising druer and defending the coach that wants to coach a 14U girls softball team the same as a HS boys football team?...or vice versa?

 

[Greenmonsters]

Wow. As a female, I find this kind of a hurtful thing to say. I hope you mean that you need to learn and not that teen girls are nuts. As everyone knows, I dislike stereotypes of girls and women, especially with regards to our sports.

I say coach both genders the same way and understand it is the coach who has the most to learn to communicate and who needs the most to change. We often coach the easiest way it is for us (perhaps we think we are always right, we're arrogant, don't need to learn, can't control temper) rather than learning to coach.

SB - Get off your soap box and re-read Druer's message objectively and then take a look at any of his prior posts - you're probably calling out one of the last people on this board you ever should be.

Additionally, your advice to "coach both genders the same way" suggests that you haven't coached competitive boys sports and haven't paid much attention to the discussions here where many have sought advice because the approach they've learned coaching boys doesn't work equally well with girls. No one is arguing that the genders shouldn't be taught the same things, just that a different approach is required. And, FWIW, all teenagers are nuts.

 

[sluggers]

I hope you mean that you need to learn and not that teen girls are nuts.

I raised three teenage girls--they are nuts. The best advice I ever read was, "Treat teenagers like outpatients from a mental institution."

I say coach both genders the same way

That is silly, on about every level.

Boys and girls are different physically, mentally and emotionally. They are *NOT* the same, and shouldn't be treated the same. (That does not have anything to do with whether boys and girls should have the same opportunities.)

We often coach the easiest way it is for us (perhaps we think we are always right, we're arrogant, don't need to learn, can't control temper) rather than learning to coach.

I agree that newbie coaches may have these issues. However, most experienced coaches are well past arrogance and anger issues.

 

[chinamigarden]

Wow. As a female, I find this kind of a hurtful thing to say. I hope you mean that you need to learn and not that teen girls are nuts. As everyone knows, I dislike stereotypes of girls and women, especially with regards to our sports.

I say coach both genders the same way and understand it is the coach who has the most to learn to communicate and who needs the most to change. We often coach the easiest way it is for us (perhaps we think we are always right, we're arrogant, don't need to learn, can't control temper) rather than learning to coach.

when my DD was 7-11 I always said. You coach girls by pretending they are boys with long hair. Treat them the same. But then they start to grow up, and both girls and boys change. You can't coach them the same, because they are different. The group dynamic changes in big ways. How they interact with one an other is different and how they express their displeasure is different.

Now bear in mind I am saying different, not better or worse. Just not the same. I am not saying that boys are better or easier to coach. I am saying they are different from each other as a group.

 

[StacieM]

I also have to disagree with treating both genders the same. They are not the same. While I do feel I have a pretty good handle in coaching a girls softball team, I wouldn't even pretend to know the first thing about coaching a boys baseball team (though I've seen many coaches do that in reverse).

I think it's unrealistic to expect a male softball coach to know exactly how to handle teenage girls. First of all teenagers by definition are allowed to me less logical than most mature adults (I'm not saying I don't know some teens with a better head on their shoulders than some adults). Second, most men have trouble understanding exactly what their wives want 100% of the time and vice versa. It's not entirely reasonable to expect that male coaches fully understand their teenage girls softball team.

To the original poster...we ALL make mistakes. Even very experienced coaches sometimes make mistakes that the girls pay for. But it's a game! Plus, the way we learn and grow is through failure. So like the others said, don't beat yourself up!

 

[InTheCrowd]

I got to thinking the other day about all the things in coaching that are great, Good, And Bad.
Most things have been real positive but there is one thing that happens to I suppose all coaches that I wish didnt.
What I am speaking of is the first time you coach. The first year I coached I made so many stupid mistakes and the kids are the ones who pay for it.

That's the ironic thing about mistakes, they're the best learning tool we have.

I've always told my DDs, making mistakes and learning is called intelligent; making mistakes and not learning is called stupid; not even attempting to make a mistake is cowardice.