should I be offended?

[#7sDad]

Welcome to Daddy Ball 101! I agree with most of what's been posted about not holding grudges and just staying involved in whatever role that may be. That being said, there will always be those who try to manipulate the system in their little town league to their advantage

Our town rec league is the best. We don't have a draft. The league president "picks" the teams based on girls' skills so that all our teams are even. Completely coincidentally, from 3rd grade through 8th the league president's teams won the championship. The other managers even called it the "Pres name" cup. His daughters have now aged out; so either someone new will play the same game or if the town is lucky someone will finally make some much needed changes.

Point is, it really doesn't matter. The girls knew it, the parents knew it, the coaches knew it. But, we played some good ball, had some fun, and hopefully taught the girls to compete and that you can learn more by being David instead of Goliath. DD stopped playing town a couple years ago when club became more time consuming. But she still plays on the Pres's town travel team for some extra innings and to be able to play with her school friends. She didn't hold a grudge from those rec league days; and at the end of the pres is actually a nice guy, so no point in worrying about the things or people you can't control.

 

[bmakj]

this same sofball admin asked me a few days ago if I wanted to be on BOD? really crazy.

my beef is not so much with results, with process. he is jumping the gun and awarding the managers jobs when he really has no say, beyond his one vote on the BOD. no explanations, nothing, don't let the door hit you in the rear on the way out. not let's talk, see if I maybe want out, nothing.

and don't complain to me you need volunteers when you turn people away who have been doing a pretty good job (get pretty much positive feedback from most of my parents and players) for several years.

I fear this is a case of daddy ball, BOD member who is now minors manager is also coach of his daughters travel soccer team. needs to always be in control (I am quite happy to let others take over and coach my daughters in soccer, swim, etc., I even ask one of my assistants to work primarily with her on softball at games and practices, as I am less effective with her in those situations). And probably a big part of it is wanting to control schedule, so as to not conflict with his soccer team.

 

[wild man]

I was in a situation once where I was offended I guess, and a little confused. When I switched from baseball to SB I was kind of turned off because the overall attitude in SB seemed to me to be coarse and kind of elitist, particularly from TB coaches and parents. It seemed that baseball folks were more laid back and were more about the kids and really got under my skin for a while. Well I soon learned that it was a case of the biggest pain parents and board members ect. were the ones that stand out because they try and cause drama and problems. I have learned to consentrate on the positive. It is a fact in ALL youth sports that dealing with politics is something you have to do. If you find a positive way to handle things it will be ok.

 

[BobInMadison]

I don't have the experience with LL that some of you have.

I have seen lots of people who spend their time volunteering.

I have also seen drama. People get into a discussion and someone is yelling and screaming. People get really offended at stuff. Lots of politics come into play. One time a LL official was going to rip my DD 1's coach a new one, except there were several parents, including me, who were there to defend him

If you let it bother you it will bother you. If you let yourself get offended you will get offended.

Or, you could realize what they say about small-town and small organization politics: the fighting gets intense because there is so little at stake.

It depends on how invested you are. I used to be a college professor. When I was an adjunct or a visiting professor, the college politics wouldn't bother me at all, because it didn't concern me. I could have friends who absolutely hated other friends because of blah blah blah did blah blah blah.

One year I finally got a tenure track position, signed a 9 month contract. Got caught up in the campus politics almost from day one. The dean and provost hated each other, and within a few months they both hated me and I hated both of them. I left 9 months to the day after my contract started. I inherited some money, so I took up a new career. Moving van came in, I handed in my grades, my family had dinner with a professor who was a friend (no enemies among the professors, just administrators) and I drove off, never to return.

The moral? If you get involved with small potatoes politics, it will destroy you. If you can stay away from it, you can have a great time.

To the OP: if you can keep out of the daddy ball politics, volunteer as an AC, and have a great time coaching your kid. My kids have been on a number of teams where the AC was the one who really ran the show.

If you can't, just walk away, let someone else coach your DD, maybe sit out in the outfield and watch the games.

 

[bmakj]

trying to stay above the politics, but it seems are BOD is all about placating certain folks:

-travel soccer coaches who also coach LL, probably because they are afraid the girls (usually end up being pretty good players, all good athletes) will simply not play if not catered to

-parents of 5 yr olds who have never played tball who insist their girls play coach pitch softball, because if they played tball, it would be with boys, and it uses baseballs, which is for boys (never mind that their girls cannot get a good grip on 11 inch softball)

what they don't realize is that by catering to these people, they are driving away families who asked for no special considerations, just wanted a good experience, but because of catering to 25%, degraded experience for other 75%.

 

[sluggers]

They fight so hard because the stakes are so low.

 

[bmakj]

no, they fight so hard because they realize that they can rig the game, because other will simply walk away. this is precisely why boards need to stop catering and stick to rules and bylaws. yes, the few squeaky wheels are happy, but the silent majority simply moves on. very soon there is only the squeaky wheels.

we tell our girls one sport per season (they are 12 and 8), that is enough, because to try and do more would cause too many scheduling conflicts. but these squeaky wheels rig the system so one or more organizations caters to their schedule, so their kids get to do more, and to hell with everyone else (and teams normally end up rigged as well). if you overschedule your kid, don't try to make everyone else fit your needs, make a choice (or have the child make a choice).

 

[Coach JV]

Its all part of rec ball. About 9 years back we ran into some of the same league issues
that you have described. LL cities for SB are few and far between so travel complicated our rec
program. WE pulled away from the boys and chartered thru USSSA. There were some lumps
along the way but the program now is flourishing. Best of luck with the 'daddy ball coaching' it is one of
the evils of youth sports. Keep up with the DFP forum, it will either help you maintain sanity
or push you over the cliff

 

[jacman]

Welcome to league ball. It's not about what's right. It's not about you. It's about what's best for your kid. Instead of fighting the politics, figure out how to maximize the experience for your kid or find another place to play. Sometimes/often time spent on making a dozen kids better means you spend less time making your kid better. Be dad first. Being coach comes way second. Good for you if you can do both.

Dad first, coach second. I agree totally. We do that at my house, too, but it's fair to remember that we dads (and moms) have some importance, also. I love the game. I love coaching, teaching kids how to play and all the "other" stuff that's even more important. And I think there is some benefit to DD seeing that my interest in the game goes beyond just her. She comes first till she gets in (or maybe out) of college. Then I won't have to share!

 

[BobInMadison]

bmakj:

It appears the LL politics are driving you crazy.

I can't tell you what to do. I won't give you advice because I can't tell if your current mood is long-term or if you are blowing off some steam and all will be better in a few days.

If you still feel this way in a few days, or you feel worse, well, I won't tell you what to do. Do what is best for your mental health and your DD. If you are this upset by then, you will know what to do.