Exposing shy daughter to a more competitive level of play.

[knightsb]

Hi, my dd is a very good athlete (bias dad), softball is her favorite sport, and she is 11. I have coached her rec team since she was 6, and she is one of the more talented players in the league. Her PC has suggested last year that she start playing on a competitive team and again this year said she really needs to push herself more with a higher level of play. The problem is my dd is very shy and gets embarrassed easily. She is kind and has a good spirit and works hard… but she is soooo shy (to a fault).

I took her to watch a tournament this weekend to expose her to a more completive level of play. I asked her if she would be interested in guest playing on a team later this summer or fall just to see if she would like it. She said she would play in a tournament if she could play with her friends. I can see she is using her friends as a crutch because she is worried about playing with a group of girls she does not know.
Does anyone have any suggestions or experiences dealing with a shy dd or similar situation?

 

[mudbug]

Dont let her do that. The truth is she will make new friends, some very good ones. The girls on a competitive team spend A LOT of time together practicing and travelling and playing. They become very close because of that. To grow as a player, she needs to surround herself with other with the same abilities, goals, and desires. Her rec teammates will hold her back if she is talented.

 

[Bishop]

I agree with Mudbug. If she is capable athleticly and desire to improve in her sport, moving up to a travel team is the best thing you can do for her.

She will make new friends. Even if she is as shy as a panda cub. Due diligence on your part as a parent is important. Now is a real good time to find the team(s) that will be a good fit for your player. Take your DD to tournaments in the area, watch how the teams in her age group interact on and off the fields. Watch how the coachs interact with thier players on and off the field. Indentify the ones in your area that have an environment that looks compatable with your daughter, plays at a skill level she will be comfortable growing into with a coaching style that she can accept. Once you have some that look like a good fit go talk to the coachs. Find out when they are having tryouts for next year and get preping for try outs at the end of summer.

If teams in your area are at all like ours she'll be spending 4 or so hours a week minimum with the girls she is playing ball with at practices from tryouts until the start of the playing season. Then playing a double header or three a week and weekend tournaments most weekends all season with these girls. She can't help but make friends. A good coach, can help with that if they recognize or are aware of the situation. Good coaches teach more than just softball skills.

 

[fastpitch]

If you feel she really loves softball then just put her on a team. She will quickly make friends. At that age girls become best of friends quickly especially girls that play more competitive softball. They spends so much time with each other they can't help but become friends.

Travel softball is a good life lesson and expands your boundaries. It will help your DD open up to meeting and making new friends. Two years ago at the age of 8, my DD was painfully shy and was apprehensive about joining a team where she knew nobody... she was the youngest on a 10u team but after a few games/practices with her first travel team she became great friends with all of the girls. Her closest friends now are some of her teammates from different towns who we may have never met before. She plays for a few teams now at different levels, has confidence in herself and isn't afraid to enter a situation where she doesn't know anyone. She's guested on different teams and knows girls from all over our region that she has met through playing softball. I have also met a network of "crazy dads" who always are willing to help me find a scrimmage or field or player or scouting report or something and I help them as well.

What's crazy is we almost didn't do it. When I first asked her... she said only if her friends do it (meaning her town friends). None of her town friends play softball at a competitive level so they wouldn't do it. So I just brought her one day... and she loved it... its opened up her eyes to a whole new world and higher level of play.

Like what Hal's dad said... "I guess you'll never know till you try, huh"

 

[stemcellsrock]

Shyness - How to break the ice!!

My DD was one of the shy kids in school, sports really anything..

The school actually did some sort of confidence building course with her that worked wonders.

Oviously that is not everyone's option, but as a coach when I encounter a shy kid, I ask one of my outgoing kids, to pair up with the new shy one to help them feel comfortable.

Depending on the coach, maybe their DD plays on said team and if you mention your DD's shyness, maybe he or she can pair your DD up with one of the friendly outgoing kids during warm-ups to help break through their shell.

Just a suggestion!! On a side note... one of my best players on my 10U Tournament team is a very shy kid, but over the years she has started to open up and I think the sport itself has helped her feel comfortable around other players and coaches!

 

[SoftSocDad]

If a girl gets out there, does her job, and hustles, what's the problem with her having a more introverted personality?