Would love to throttle DD's Asst coach...

[SoCalASABlue]

It is a great thing for your DD to learn that not every coach is very good or has something worthwhile to teach her. Sometimes she can learn a lot about what not to do from people. What this coach said was careless and shows that he doesn't understand how to coach and motivate kids. He certainly does not understand the sometimes frustrating process of developing a slapper. She needs those moments of success to fuel her confidence when she has been struggling with slapping. Good luck to your DD!

I understand the comments - but these kind of comments also drive me nuts. How long is long enough to take this crap before stepping in as a parent? What would this a-hole have to do or say to get you to remove your DD from this toxic situation? Just curious.

 

[CoogansBluff]

I understand the comments - but these kind of comments also drive me nuts. How long is long enough to take this crap before stepping in as a parent? What would this a-hole have to do or say to get you to remove your DD from this toxic situation? Just curious.

Good questions. Hard to find coaches that sometimes don't say regretful things. I've done it. But when is enough enough? My DD's high school constantly is telling her what she's doing wrong, how to fix it, often bad advice, like hit down on the ball. Of course, she's now old enough to decide for herself whether it's time to remove herself, and she's leaning toward exactly that.

 

[Eric F]

I thought that there was a universal rule that a double digit IQ was required to be an Asst Coach and am left wondering how this one slipped through the cracks.

Hey! Some of us are in the upper end of those double digits!!

 

[let it be fun]

I understand the comments - but these kind of comments also drive me nuts. How long is long enough to take this crap before stepping in as a parent? What would this a-hole have to do or say to get you to remove your DD from this toxic situation? Just curious.

To answer your question, I have stepped in as a parent when a coach was demeaning, humiliating, and belittling players. This coach just sounds like a an incompetent jerk and not necessarily abusive. His comment was careless, probably plain wrong, and not helpful but I don't think saying it is stupid for her to work on hitting away is toxic or abusive. The OP followed up with some more details that make me think I wouldn't want my kid to play for this guy. I think it is important for kids to learn to deal with adversity. Sometimes we have to work with or for jerks and we don't necessarily get to just leave the situation. If I thought that the asst. coach was truly harming my 12U child I would talk to the HC about it. There are probably more parents wondering why the HC keeps this guy around.

 

[SoCalASABlue]

I think it is important for kids to learn to deal with adversity. Sometimes we have to work with or for jerks and we don't necessarily get to just leave the situation.

Agree. I also agree with Pat Murphy when he says you have let coaches be "hard" on your kids. I know it is a fine line but at some point "hard" turns into "abusive", "destructive", and "intolerable" - regardless of whether it's the local rec coach or Pat Murphy - and hopefully our kids will be able to stand up and say "enough".

 

[KPower]

Ok...a little more info...DD is a natural lefty. She hit well at 10s and struggled a bit at 12s after recovering from a broken ankle. We have discussed at length her best options with both HC and her hitting coach. She is fast and little and has great hand-eye coordination...so she makes a great candidate for slapping. We started now because we know it can take a while to become proficient and we want her "ready" by spring. Fall ball is very casual and laid back and around here is when most girls try out new positions, or switch sides, etc.

AC thinks he knows everything because he played baseball. It is hard to watch him with his own kids because he expects so much out of them and although his DD has potential she is scared of him so she under performs. His son is just not very coordinated. AC brings him to the girls softball practice and actually yells at the girls if they get in the way of his son catching a ball! Oh my gosh - we are paying a lot of money for our girls to play...his son gets in the way and could quite possible get hurt playing with these girls.

AC has also - in front of the entire team - told the girls who his "favorite" player is. (She is the mean girl of the team...go figure).

As far as being hard on my kid...I don't want a coach who sugar coats things and doesn't push her...I want someone who will challenge her and demand she gives her best and work hard, but I also expect that he will not belittle her or make her feel worthless. HC is a great coach - he believes in the girls on his team and pushes them all to push themselves. He will direct and guide when he sees things are being done incorrectly, but does it in such a way that the girls want to try harder to please him. He makes sure they know the why behind things...he doesn't scream at them or attack them. AC is very passive aggressive towards the girls.

 

[CMMom1740]

DD really likes her HC. He has always believed in her and encouraged her. I am kind of puzzled as to why he keeps this asst coach - except that HC gets a little star struck and asst coach played pro baseball and "knows everyone". Except that hasn't really been helpful. Everyone he knows and every girl he says he can get to come to the team runs away. Should be a sign right?!? I think this man thrives on making his own DD cry. She is a poor to average fielder but has the ability to knock the ball to the fence - only problem is - she rarely swings the bat. More often than not she goes down looking. I think she is scared. I don't think he likes DD because she plays the same 3 positions as his daughter and plays them all better. Plus he doesn't "believe" in lefty catchers. Thankfully HC is a "believer" and has made DD his primary catcher.

Are you in Atlanta??? B/c if not, this guy has a twin here. We tried out for him twice, and he gave us the same garbage about lefty catchers. Also a former Minor League baseball player with a VERY high opinion of himself. He also told DD she has a "baseball" swing and it would have to be totally restructured. If she can hit it to (or over!) the fence, who cares? But this guy is the HC, so DD obviously didn't make the team. If this was my AC, I believe I'd have a private word with HC. If you're not satisfied with his subsequent response, I'd be team shopping.

 

[KPower]

Are you in Atlanta??? B/c if not, this guy has a twin here. We tried out for him twice, and he gave us the same garbage about lefty catchers. Also a former Minor League baseball player with a VERY high opinion of himself. He also told DD she has a "baseball" swing and it would have to be totally restructured. If she can hit it to (or over!) the fence, who cares? But this guy is the HC, so DD obviously didn't make the team. If this was my AC, I believe I'd have a private word with HC. If you're not satisfied with his subsequent response, I'd be team shopping.

Ha - no - not in Atlanta! If fall ball doesn't improve we will be team shopping. DD shouldn't have a problem finding a new team - she had 4 offers before tryouts even began from good teams, and since fall ball started we have had 2 more teams ask if she is happy. She would hate to leave HC though (she's been with him for 4 years.)

 

[SoCalASABlue]

So have a chat with the AC and HC together. Tell them exactly what you think and why you are concerned. If HC doesn't drop the hammer on the AC (assuming everything in the OP is true), then the HC obviously values the AC over your DD. Wouldn't be a hard choice for me at all at that point given you're paying for this experience - but I understand the ties between your DD and the HC being tough to break.

 

[grounded]

Little background on my DD....at 11, she was small, light, and fast. She didn't have the size or power to stand out from the other girls on her travel team. After the fall season ended, she made the switch to lefty slap. I'll be honest, it was brutal at times. She could bunt and kinda soft slap..we worked a bit on the swing away. Her coaches hung in though. As a 12yr old, we refined the bunt and soft slap (placement) and introduced a power slap..we continued to work on the swing away. At 13 the bunt and soft slap were mostly reliable, the power slap started getting located, and she learned that she had just enough swing away to keep the defense honest. Now as a 15 playing 18u gold, she has become a triple threat. Her swing away has gotten good enough, that at 5'2" she bats out of the 3/4 hole for her varsity team...hit 2 dingers this year, and was at one point in the season, tied in the state for hits..all never slapping or really bunting. I say this not to brag, but make a point..it is a long process..it never stops. DD is still learning amd getting better. The results take time, and the coaches need to fully understand. It will not happen in a season or 2. Coach needs to open up his eyes and see what can come out the other side. There are many different slaps to learn over time..a tool for every situation. My guess is that he doesnt fully understand this. Oh, and regarding the swing away only coming up say every 15 ab's...sometimes yeah..but who wouldnt want to see a slapper come up with bases loaded and swing it to the fence or over? That only comes with swing away work. If all you have is a short game, what will she do when the defense takes it away from her? You will always need the swing away to keep your options open