Where do you draw the line on "owning" something?

[bucket pinata]

GD This has been my the mantra of my wife and I our whole life. To the point where on our grave stones will be engraved "It was what it was"

My dad always had a saying for these things..........."it is what it is".[/QUOTE]

 

[Abrasiveboy]

My DD made that decision by herself after about 4-5 games. It's difficult to sit back and watch the frustration level increase on the TB players because the HS coach isn't coaching. Making a mistake is one thing but not knowing the situation is just not acceptable. If there is 1 out you need to know that so your player doesn't walk off the field because you told her thats 3 outs. You don't throw home if you can't make the play, keep the runner at 1st or 2nd instead of trying to get the girl out and now the runner is at 3. Stop giving runs away because you don't have the talent. Utilize what talent you have. If our DD know what's the right thing to do why don't these HS coaches at least try it. If you have a slow pitcher and the team you're playing is cranking the ball to LF after 2 dropped balls please switch out the players. Don't wait till you're 2 runs from slaughter to do it. It's too late. I went on a rant "Dennis Miller style", DD doesn't want to play next year because of the coaching. Let me say I know all HS coaches are not like what I'm discussing here. My nieces coach won IHSA state championship 2 yrs ago. I do feel for all the parents who are watching what I am and all around the country. The HS takes a hard line on not to interfere witb them and I have not. It's there fault all the but stop blaming the girls. That's all I am asking, if you don't know why not ask. Good luck with that talk.

I did tell my daughter to work on her leadership skills and to hone her field skills. Not to take any play off and to always know where to go with the ball whether it is hit to you or any other position. This way if a decision has to be made and the coach is standing there with his arms folded on the fence then you can help out your teammates when they need guidance the most.

 

[Sliced Bread]

33% rule !!! Barf!!!

 

[guero_gordo]

It's a team game. Really, all she can do is be part of the solution, she can't be all of it. Pressing to try and carry the team isn't going to work.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

It's a team game. Really, all she can do is be part of the solution, she can't be all of it. Pressing to try and carry the team isn't going to work.

GG my sentiments exactly. But how do you make this sink in to a DD who feels in the senior mother hen role for all the underclassmen chickies? Has anyone used a magical approach that was able to remove this unrealistic self-born pressure?

More detail - Our coaches are actually pretty good at coaching a game. I could pick apart their selection of the varsity squad a bit and I could call them out for making enemies of umpires on a few occasions this year but in general their game savvy has been good.

 

[JAD]

When my DD started pitching at 10U, our defense was softballs version of the "Bad News Bears", so her HC had two sayings that my DD and I still use today....."control what you can control" and "the least important pitch of the game was the last one, the most important pitch is the next one".

 

[SCDad]

As adults, of which these players are still learning to be, you must "own" everything you do.

Most important is when things are not going your way. Be pleasant, and work harder. Exhibit these traights always, and believe you me, people notice. They will start to follow you, as you are becoming a leader.

 

[BaldNBeautiful]

Rubberbiscuit we can sympathize with you on a disappointing season.
DD2 has had to sit and watch her junior year while recovering from a torn ACL (inured at the Univ. of Tennessee Christmas Camp of all places) and all she could do was help with the books and cheerlead. It has been very difficult, and with no Seniors on the team, leadership responsibilities fell to her and a couple of other juniors. Her frustrations spilled over more than once and she said more than she probably should or said it at the wrong time.
It is tough to know what to say sometimes.

 

[Cannonball]

I've sent this text to my dd five or six times this year:

"Lord grant me the ability to control the things I can, accept the things I can't and the ability to know the difference."

 

[Indiana]

I've often wished for magic words to help my kids. I haven't found any yet, though I keep looking. RB, I like the advice you gave your daughter - to play through her senior season so that she can look back with no regrets.

My brother had a similar issue with his high school hockey team way back when. He always thought that if he was good enough, the team would win. That didn't happen - ever. Not once. Pretty statistically shocking, really. He made it through and continued on to play in college, so it all worked out in the end.

The hard thing for a pitcher, I think, is that she judges herself on outs. If a teammate commits an error on an easy ground ball, a part of the pitcher will always blame herself (and she should, really - she didn't strike the kid out, after all. I'd rather have a pitcher who blamed herself than a primadona who constantly blamed her team). The fact that your daughter is internalizing so much is a GOOD thing - it means that she is a good person and an even better teammate. She wants to take control. These traits will serve her well.

I still remember one day in college when I was stressing about everything under the sun - pretty much in a downward spiral. One of my teammates said to me "don't wish it away". To this day this is some of the best advice I've ever received.

A last thought about the youngsters on your daughter's team: my daughter's freshman season was rocky - she was a tiny little thing doing her best against girls four years older and five inches taller. There was one other pitcher on the team so DD saw a fair amount of circle time. It wasn't exactly a season to go down in the record books, unless you count home runs against - ha ha. There was a senior, a catcher, who took DD under her wing and brought her back from the abyss many a time. Not with her awe-inspiring catcher skills, though she was very good - it was the friendship and the big-sisterly attitude that DD remembers and holds onto today. This catcher is back in town for the summer - when DD found out that she was visiting some teachers at school DD hunted her down to give her a big hug. She was talking about this girl for the rest of the afternoon.