Telling Other People How to Parent

[WARRIORMIKE]

Not originally my post, but thought it would be interesting to share on this site. Found on T-Nation


What is your line in the sand before you step in and comment on someone's parenting?

I assume we'd all stop blatant abuse, whether it be physical or mental torture, but is there anything short of that you'd comment on?

Let's assume this is face to face, and not e-warrior keyboard commando for the time being. Or even some sort of family intervention (if people to those for such things.)

If no one asked you for advise, at what point would you say something on your own?

 

[onkyo]

This is going to be fun.
But would be much easier if given a specific event, and age.

After thinking about a generic response, If they put my family in harm's way would warrant my intervention.

 

[WARRIORMIKE]

Lets say average age 8-12

 

[Laura Hahn Fields]

I try to mind my own business unless there's danger to someone involved. If I saw a parent do something outrageous (well, that I felt was outrageous) I might make a passive aggressive comment. Ya know, like turn to my husband and say not very quietly, "Wow, did you hear how that woman talked to her child?" Just to give her something to think about. I'm fairly non-confrontational though.

 

[Momo'sDad]

I have the ability to ignore pretty much anyone. I'm hoping that my kid is learning that from me. BUT, there are times at the fields when the behavior is too egregious to overlook and some sort of message has to be sent. This can be in the form of giving the offender a disapproving look or removing one's own child/players from the scene, which may be accompanied by a comment about the inappropriateness of the behavior.

We all know those parents, the ones who say stuff like "Don't tell me how to talk to my own child!" after they've berated the kid from behind the backstop following a tough at-bat. They're so haughty and self-centered that they feel they have the right to do so with impunity, and they're so insecure that they feel they have to snap back at the parent who calls them on it, but I don't want adults deliberately impacting my kid's opportunity to enjoy herself at the fields.

 

[CPEM]

I'm at that point now with a fellow AC who has begun berating her daughter in front of the rest of the team. We are talking 10u rec all-stars level. She was originally thought of as a "project," but has developed into a consistent hitter, enough so that she's earned a spot in the lineup as DP. Her defensive abilities lag behind her hitting abilities. Mom was a monster TB player in her youth, and may have played juco ball, but I'm not sure. So her expectations for her daughter are quite high. Whenever she misses a grounder or fly ball, mom unleashes a tirade on her that causes her to cry, which brings another tirade. Yesterday, I think mom was at her tipping point and told me, "I'll be in my car," and just left for the parking lot in the middle of practice. Her brother is also an AC for the team, and I tried broaching the subject with him to see if maybe he could talk to her, but I don't think he sees it or wants to see it. Whenever I get the opportunity, I make sure to offer some positive encouragement to the girl. I make sure she knows that someone is noticing that she is making an effort to improve and that not every mistake is "do-or-die." I don't want this girl to give up because of her mom.

 

[guero_gordo]

If it's not abusive, I'll throw out a "Wow" or a raised eyebrow with full eye contact, and a slow head shake, and that's about it.

Interesting on the LAX team now with the AC playing his kid up. Kid is skilled, but on the wrong side of the size and maturity equations. Cries every practice and cannot keep the ball, but dad keeps putting him out there and calling "pass it to Billy" while scenes from "Rudy" play in dad's head.
I've started taking dramamine because of all the head shaking at those games.

 

[canyonjoe]

I've seen new parents to a TB team get told nicely that we don't do that her,etc. It's not OK to yell Miss on a popup,etc.

 

[Laura Hahn Fields]

Berating kids does not make them play better. I feel so bad for kids on the receiving end of this. All their parents are doing is giving them a complex.

 

[nanotech14]

I have the ability to ignore pretty much anyone. I'm hoping that my kid is learning that from me. BUT, there are times at the fields when the behavior is too egregious to overlook and some sort of message has to be sent. This can be in the form of giving the offender a disapproving look or removing one's own child/players from the scene, which may be accompanied by a comment about the inappropriateness of the behavior.

We all know those parents, the ones who say stuff like "Don't tell me how to talk to my own child!" after they've berated the kid from behind the backstop following a tough at-bat. They're so haughty and self-centered that they feel they have the right to do so with impunity, and they're so insecure that they feel they have to snap back at the parent who calls them on it, but I don't want adults deliberately impacting my kid's opportunity to enjoy herself at the fields.

MOMO,MOMO,MOMO, darn it I Know you can hear me. Man, he is good at ignoring me.