A little hard for me to read this. My father passed a few decades ago, and this is very close to the anniversary of his death. He was 62 at the time, and would be 91 had he lived.
Losing a parent is never easy. As they say, time heals all wounds, but never completely. I still miss my father sometimes. You will always miss your mother, but at some point you can be thankful for the good times you had.