Help me help my daughter

[lstorie1971]

Here's the story. My daughter (an 8th grader) didn't try out for the middle school team because they were going to be all beginning players and she just didn't feel that she would get much out of it. Some girls quit the varsity team and left the varsity/JV teams a little short, so they had to have a second try-out. The coach asked my daughter to try out, and she did. She was officially designated a "floater," which near as I can tell means that she would play some on varsity and some on JV. As it turns out, she is on the varsity bench for every game and courtesy runs, but she never gets to play JV. She has become frustrated and is kind of down. That's not the problem (suck it up, finish the season, get over it).

The problem is that some of the older girls on the varsity team have taken to sniping at her when she makes mistakes in practice and have called her names behind her back (brat seems to be the word of choice). Now, I am not above believing that she could be a brat, but this girl has been playing since she was little and never has had trouble getting along. On top of frustration with not playing (again, deal with it), she now comes home crying because she doesn't feel like she's wanted on the team by the other girls.

According to my oldest daughter (who plays varsity), there is a lot of sniping and back biting throughout the team. The fielders talk about the pitchers not trying hard enough, the pitchers talk about the fielders, etc. It's pretty dysfunctional sounding. I don't think the coaches know or appreciate the problem (and hell, who knows, maybe my kids are imagining the whole damn thing).

My plan is to talk to the coach about what I understand the environment to be. Do you think this is wise? Bottom line is that the season is almost done, but I can't stand to see my daughter coming home crying because she doesn't feel like she belongs. I think it was a mistake letting her play above the middle school level and I feel just terrible about the whole situation.

 

[GOINGDEEP]

Couple of things here..........

Big sister needs to take on the role of leading the team by example. She shouldn't tolerate snickering by her older teammates towards the younger players PERIOD.

Sure, go ahead and talk to the coach. You're paying taxes to support his salary or tuition if it's private. Bring it to his attention, he may not "honestly know", girls can be very sneaky with their drama. I can tell you, unwanted drama in a sports environment is not a good recipe for a successful season.

I can honestly say our HS coach was pretty firm on controlling drama. One of the best things I saw him do.............when my group were freshmen, the older girls showed resistance to them, mostly because of their success in middle school. Coach had each player write down why they didn't like/get along with so n so. He made them read their "post" in front of the whole team, had a metal trash can, after reading the team member burned the paper. It wasn't a instant cure, but I sure could tell a difference in team camaraderie.

Good luck.

 

[sluggers]

Now, I am not above believing that she could be a brat,

Please don't say something like this...it makes you sound like a rational human being.

My plan is to talk to the coach about what I understand the environment to be. Do you think this is wise?

I would ask the coach to let her play JV ball and get her off the team. At her age, she might get burned out on softball.

I think it was a mistake letting her play above the middle school level and I feel just terrible about the whole situation.

Maybe, maybe not. Hindsight is always 20-20.

 

[medicpelle]

Is playing on Varsity as an 8th grader not eating up her Varsity eligibility?

 

[Doug Romrell]

Varsity eligibility???

 

[JAD]

The coach needs to tell all of the upperclassmen, especially the seniors to "step up" and be leaders. Seniors need to take the underclassmen under their wings and provide support and mentoring, otherwise the team will remain dis-functional.

 

[sportinus]

In our school district only HS students can play HS ball. Have your daughter talk to the coach. If that does not produce anything usefull then you can give it a try. As a TB coach I am always impressed when a player comes to me with issues as opposed to a parent. A lot of times i find that the parent has the issue and the player is fine. Not saying that is your case. I just think a lot of girls need to become comfortable being their own advocate.

 

[InsidePitch]

Seniors need to take the underclassmen under their wings and provide support and mentoring,

DD is lucky in this respect. She is a Freshman catcher for a D1 pitcher. She not only helps DD on the field she has given her some pointers on some classes and assignments. That said, there are 2 Juniors on the pine that have been less than welcoming.

As for OP's DD, I'd look at getting her back to the JV team where she may be more accepted. That floater stuff only causes confusion and resentment based on DDs experiences with it in BB season.

 

[Country Boy]

These are the type of issues that HS coaches have to deal with everywhere on a daily basis. Granted, most of us are so incompetent that we can't even spell TB, let alone accept the fact that by having a DD on a TB team, a parent instantly knows 1,000,000,000 more about softball than I do. But when posters are loudly vocalizing their criticisms of HS programs, remember that we have 10x the drama of their 12 person TB team filled with girls whose proverbial poop doesn't stink.

OP- there is some good advice already. I would echo the sentiment of having your DD talk to the coach about playing JV.

 

[Indiana]

Is playing on Varsity as an 8th grader not eating up her Varsity eligibility?

Maybe not - in Colorado it doesn't matter what you do as a middle schooler - the clock starts once you are registered as a full-time 9th grader (which means taking 5 high school classes). There are a few tiny private schools around here; a colleague was telling me about his daughter's high school soccer team, which has a third grader on it (each grade in his daughter's school has 7-10 kids total). We had a fun discussion about soccer strategy and where to put the tiny kids - we figured midfield was the best bet. I have no idea where you'd put the 3d grader on a HS softball team -

Anyway to the OP - I'm sorry about your DD, that stinks. Both of my kids have been on teams where they didn't feel like they belonged. It was the worst of any situation. I still feel guilty about it years later, especially now that I realize how unhappy they were. I didn't do anything about it - just slogged through to the end of the season. The good news is that they survived and moved on successfully, as will your DD! (and in this situation, I would think that some sassiness is a good thing - she sounds like a strong kid - the tears could be coming once she's home and is able to vent)