Do I like FP more than DD

[LetsPlayTwo]

DD is an 01 4-yr TB vet - 3 years with 1 and 1 year with 2 average local B teams + 3 yrs rec before. Average+ player. Cannon arm, reliable glove, field smarts, streaky hitter, but has close to fence power when it clicks, Average- speed, but I'll take the genetic blame for that. No drama kid that gets along great with the other girls and coaches. Has fun at games win, lose or rain. The problem is there is virtually no interest outside the white lines. Doesn't want to get ready for games or practices (but seems to enjoy practice once there), asks how long practice will be today when indoor practices have been 1.5 hrs and outdoor practices have been 2 hrs every time for the LAST 4 YEARS, doesn't want extra swings at home or to play catch with me anymore, doesn't want to "talk FP" with dad, 3/4 of questions about how she's doing, what do you want, etc. are answered with the teenage mantra - "I don't know". She is interested in other sports, particularly BB, but FP is likely the priority going forward, due to physical skill set and experience, IMO. My background--8 years rec coach with older DD and 2 years AC with the 01 DD, 1 at 10U and 1 at 12U, but not this year. I enjoy the game, and know enough to be useful (or dangerous) but am not an obsessed practice till the stars come out and ignore the lighting kind of guy. I don't think I overdo the "coaching" but she does not take constructive criticism well. Note that DD has been asked to platoon at C a few times this year due to injury and lack of bench depth. She's willing to help, but uncomfortable with the responsibilities of the position just from lack of experience so that has caused some angst. Also, the long term goal here is to have fun and be a contributor on a very successful HS program to enhance her overall HS experience (My apologies to those that look down at HS FP-It may be an annoyance to some and in some places, but its a big deal around here). Am I dealing with a moody/hormonal teenager that has a bit of maturing to do, is she hitting the 12s to 14s wall, or what? I see potential but something is missing.

 

[CoogansBluff]

What you describe if pretty common. There's nothing wrong w/ your kid's approach to this. She likes playing, but not so much that she wants to work particularly hard at it. She's not looking at where the game is taking her but just taking it day to day. That's probably your typical 12U travel player. You have some girls this age who are highly motivated and make softball their lives, and you've got others that are on the brink of quitting. Yours is roughly in between.

My guess is that she'll hit a crossroads soon, however. Something may need to happen to change her outlook on it. A turning point for my daughter was school ball. She played on a middle school team and fell in love with the idea of playing with her classmates, being seen as a good player (she stands out way more in middle school than on the travel circuit, obviously.) The idea of playing for a good high school team some day became very appealing to her. Her future high school (she's a rising freshman) has a very good team, and there's lots of competition to make the team. That factor has motivated lots of kids in that school because they know they've really got to work hard to be a part of it. Some travel ball players don't get playing time, and some don't even make the team.

If the high school team you describe is really that attractive, that might be the motivation she needs. But she needs to see it up close. The knowledge that there are these very competitive tryouts looming in a year or two can change a player's outlook.

PS - I know a good number of kids the same age as my daughter who could've been as good or better than her who've decided to hang up the cleats, or maybe they just play for their easy-to-make high school team. Nothing wrong with that. They're still good kids who have more time now to figure out what else they can be good at. So I'd trust that your DD will figure this out. No need to fret.

 

[sluggers]

Coogan is right on the mark...

Because she has played softball, she has already had an extremely important life experience. From here on, softball for her would be more about refining and improving her skills. The only way she can become truly "good" is if she loves the sport...if she doesn't, then she is spinning her wheels anyway.

I've told the story before....my DD#3 had more talent for softball than DD#1 (all conference D1). However, she liked hoops more than softball. E.g., she broke her leg one and we had to replace the cast three times because she would break the cast playing basketball. At some point, I said, "Who am I to blow against the wind?" She quit softball, and seven years later she was wearing an NCAA championship ring for basketball.

You should let your child find her passion and pursue it--drama, music, choir, academics, whatever. I would not, however, let her pursue anything half way...she needs to go "all in" on something.

 

[Ken Krause]

Completely agree with Sluggers. It has to be your daughter's passion. Doesn't sound like she really has it. Just as there's an app for that, there's a level for everyone to play ball.

I've also told this story before. My older son played soccer and baseball growing up. He actually worked at baseball with me and got pretty good, but clearly it was never a passion for him. I think he'd practice hitting with me because he liked spending time with me more than he cared about his hitting. (Years later he told me he always hated baseball, found it boring. Wish he'd said that when we'd ask him about signing up so we didn't continue to torture him.)

When he got to high school he played soccer for a year but didn't like it. Had no interesting in trying out for baseball. But then he discovered lacrosse and he was a completely different person. He'd practice for hours on his own - stick handling, tossing the ball up in the air and catching it, throwing it into a pitchback net and catching it. Our garage wall still has marks from when he'd do it in there when the weather was bad. He'd wear lacrosse shirts all the time, and when he played he stood out in a way he never had when he played baseball or soccer. He played with fire!

That's what you want for your daughter - something that will fire her up, something that she will do no matter what obstacles come her way. And as Sluggers said it may not be sports. It could be theater, music, debate, forensics (speaking, not the CSI kind) or something else. Help her find whatever is if it's not softball. And then support it wholeheartedly.

 

[LetsPlayTwo]

Thanks to all so far. Keep em' coming...hoping to catch that one nugget that might help her/us. OILF: Agree that she might be the kid that doesn't respond well to dad...as in "load just a bit earlier sounds like make your bed" or worse, my voice sounds like the adult voices in "Peanuts" wha wha whon what wha wha...That is why I am OK not coaching at this point. Also, not expecting to be on Varsity as a Freshman. Program is/will be too strong. Older DD had great experience on JV before moving up to V so that is what I hope/envision, assuming she sticks with it and sees what it takes to progress.

 

[guero_gordo]

I totally read the thread title as "do you like FP more than you like your DD?" I'm thinking....sometimes yes, sometimes no. ;-)

 

[chinamigarden]

I don't think my dd likes FP as much as I do. She likes it, just different then I do. That's OK, as long as you let her enjoy it in her own way. I don't try to force her to want it more, she participates fully in every game. She doesn't have to want discuss the game, or study videos on line...

 

[CoogansBluff]

In some schools, varsity level kids only make JV, so I would not assume that HS softball is easy to make everywhere.

I agree. If it was my comment that prompted you to respond, I was making reference to the particular girls I was thinking about. They do have easy-to-make teams, and they've played enough travel ball from ages 9-14 that they don't need to play travel anymore to start for those programs. I've found it interesting in just the past year, as HS ball has come on my DD's radar, to discover how much the carrot of HS ball and their place on the HS totem pole affects their year-round motivation. DD is about to go to a school that has probably 25-30 travel-ball players in grades 9-12. That's in the back of her mind every time she goes out and practices on her own.

 

[CoogansBluff]

I don't think my dd likes FP as much as I do.

If you look at my post count, it's pretty clear who likes FP the most. That goes for many of us here. But it doesn't matter whether I like it more. What matters is how much she likes it. There was a time when I knew that my daughter played softball partly or even mostly because of me. And that's fine - for a while. Kids do all sorts of things for which part of the motivation is to please their parents. But there comes a time when they must own it. And when that time comes, we will know it. I know that I did. Now, I couldn't make her stop playing softball if I tried. And I'm a little surprised at that. A few years ago, I would've said it's 50-50 whether she'd still be playing. Now, she loves it.

 

[SoAZDad]

I think Sluggers, Coogans Bluff, and Ken are on.

I played lots of baseball as a kid and young man. Of course I was happy when my boy started LL. He had raw potential, threw the ball way farther and hit way harder that most of the kids 2 years older than him. But he didn't like it after playing at 6 through 9 years old. He loved and loves music and theater. We encouraged and funded that. Now this 10 YO son has already been in a music video, in a Ph. D. student's short film for dissertation as the supporting actor, is an advanced piano player, an intermediate violin player, and a beginning trumpet player. If he quits it all in a year, he still knows how to read music and play.

Expose the kids to lots of things and let them choose what they love. Let 'em run with it. It may keep 'em out of trouble.