Difficult and Touchy subject

[FrozenRope]

This is a disturbing thread.

 

[FiveFrameSwing]

http://www.discussfastpitch.com/softball-pitching/21489-transition-college.html

 

[jacman]

Not sure what you're saying. So let's say something comes up. How would a coach approach it through the mantle of care? What would that look like vs. a different approach? People have different opinions about what it means to care. Sometimes very caring people overstep their boundaries, with good intentions. I like coaches who care about their players. Too many don't. But some things they care about might be, as some have said, none of their business. So I'd say it depends on what kind of caring that you mean, IMO.

You're right to ask for clarity. We've all seen people play the "I care" card as a way to justify acting out of their personal motives. What I mean is don't judge the value of a person based on what he or she believes, chooses, or claims to be or not be. This has to be genuine, and it has to be evident in the team environment.

I'm a pastor by trade (and I promise this isn't going to get religious or moralistic, but it's the only context I have to answer you). Too many times I've walked with people who are struggling with this issue. It's the hardest thing I've dealt with in a church. No matter what people believe about this, if it ever becomes personal, people involved will experience and express fear, anger, sadness, isolation, accusation, failure, and more. That's everybody involved. It doesn't matter what one's belief is, or what "side" they claim. Everybody feels pain. These are circumstances that can tear churches and families apart. In my experience you have one chance to hold things together: care about everybody, and help everybody know they matter. Before anything else, you have to care and people have to know it. Otherwise they won't trust you to help them. Don't underestimate the power of simple caring. It has helped me hold a church together more than once.

Everybody matters, and everybody deserves to know it. I think that's as important for coaching a team as it is for leading a church. I try to cultivate this between the players - and their families too - as much as I try to live by it myself.

Lots of issues come up with teams. Truly caring about a team and its players doesn't mean I will handle a situation well, and it doesn't mean something won't blow up in my face. But if I don't care, I don't have a chance. Right now I can't think of anything that could be as potentially divisive to a team as what the OP raises. I hope I never have to face that one with a team. I'm certainly not going to go looking for it. Honestly, I just want to play ball.

 

[grcsftbll]

This is a disturbing thread.

How so? (that question is too short to post, adding meaningless text now...)

 

[FrozenRope]

How so? (that question is too short to post, adding meaningless text now...)

The fact that coaches now have to deal with the unavoidable drama that intimate relationships amongst their players will cause for the team. That's it. Not taking the bait here.

Sent from my XT1254 using Tapatalk

 

[grcsftbll]

Not baiting. I just don't see anything particularly disturbing here and was curious what you meant. Regardless of sexual orientation or the types of relationships involved I think drama is unavoidable in groups of teenage girls. If it's not relationships with each other, it's friendship blow ups or fights over boys or whatever. Minimizing the fallout is probably similar whatever the cause of the drama.

 

[CoogansBluff]

The fact that coaches now have to deal with the unavoidable drama that intimate relationships amongst their players will cause for the team. That's it. Not taking the bait here.

It can cause drama. There are many co-ed team activities where people have heterosexual relationships. Let's say you've got a drama troop that's doing Romeo & Juliette. Suddenly, you've got actors who are boyfriend/girlfriend. From my perspective, I wish that lesbian relationships on softball teams created no more disturbance than heterosexual relationships on co-ed teams. But homosexuality is a very divisive issue in our country. So it potentially can cause more drama.

That reminds me ... A few years ago, a coach in my former organization declined to take a girl back on his team because she had come out as gay. He felt she didn't fit it, that the team was made up of more conservative girls that wouldn't accept her. From a team chemistry standpoint, he might've been right. From an ethical standpoint, I think what he did was wrong. I support gay rights and would never discriminate on that basis. My point here isn't to argue that moral dilemma, but just to illustrate how it might exist.

Too many times I've walked with people who are struggling with this issue. It's the hardest thing I've dealt with in a church. No matter what people believe about this, if it ever becomes personal, people involved will experience and express fear, anger, sadness, isolation, accusation, failure, and more. That's everybody involved. It doesn't matter what one's belief is, or what "side" they claim. Everybody feels pain. These are circumstances that can tear churches and families apart..

I appreciate your answer. I assume that you're talking about families trying to reconcile their religious beliefs. I'm sure that's very challenging for those families and for pastors. I also believe there are families who deal with these issues comfortably, where there isn't much conflict. And as it relates to softball, I assume there are teams where these issues could be major, or minor, and all in between.

 

[JJsqueeze]

Like CG said, this issue is not divisive unless you make it so. But any viewpoint that somehow lesbians in softball is a recent thing is off base . If anything lesbians have a gripe that so many hetero girls have invaded their sport and made them a minority. every kid that steps on a diamond is doing so because brave women, many MANY of whom were lesbians, played the sport and kept it going when doing so was basically coming out. For those of us that are 40+. Tell me what the jokes were about your high school softball team?

 

[grcsftbll]

I can't wait until sexual orientation is a non-issue. I hope I get to see it in my lifetime.

 

[4KidsDad]

Good conversation and thank you for not degrading the topic in to a divisive political, social or religious issue, (not quite sure what's so "disturbing" about the topic.)

I agree with much that has been said. There will be drama with teenage ladies regardless the circumstances.

One of our coaching priorities has not only been to help the ladies become better softball players but also to become strong, mature young women that can deal with what life has in store and figure a way to always take the high road, regardless of personal beliefs.

It's very interesting what a 14u team has to deal with vs. a 12 or 10u team. Can't wait to see what 16 or 18u will be like!