I think I suck as a parent....

I wish more young ladies would speak up for themselves.

JJsqueeze said:

We have also by and large faced many situations where a coach has instructed our daughter to do something in warmups or practice that goes against what she has ben taught. The most effective way to deal with this to avoid drama is to have her simply say that she is being taught some specific things by her PC and ask if it is OK to follow her normal routine for team warmups. Few coaches are going to force a kid to do something if they ask nicely. If you do run into a megalomaniac who insists things are done his way then you can politely step in and request that since her PC is saying one thing, that you do not want to confuse her by doing it differently in practice. If they still are a jerk then draw a firmer line. Then there is always the smile and nod.

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As a parent who is in a similar situation, I can tell you that this is very sound advice. We also found that it's nice to wait until dd isn't around to discuss it with coaches - as dd's are, in fact, still children (in spite of the tremendous pressures we sometimes put on them) and therefore still inclined to see the world in black and white rather than gray ("My coach is being mean, or doesn't like me".) If you trust your coach and the team your dd is on, then it becomes a sticky situation to have to question him or her. Frankly, even though I as a parent disagreed with my dd's coach on how he was asking her to pitch, I didn't want HER to see that, because I want her to trust him and believe in him. It's part of the bond I want her to form with her team, so she feels free to take risks, push herself, and make mistakes in the interest of getting better.

I pulled our dd's coach aside in a quiet moment between games at a tournament, explained how hard dd was working on the problems he had earlier identified (and he was correct) and then explained what we were collectively (mom, dad, pc & dd) doing to achieve change. Once he understood that we all saw the same issues he saw, the process of "fixing" them didn't really concern him. He was more concerned with the effort she was giving to improve. I politely told him what release she was working on and why - and asked if he could just support us in her efforts, even though it wasn't the same movements that he had suggested. He was fine with it, and it did not affect her circle time at all.

And for the record, I am a firm believer that if a girl is doing her job and being effective from the circle, she could pitch standing on her head and her coach wouldn't care.

Best of luck to you & dd!

Classof2020 said:

...her team coach - right after he had opened with "I'm going to change your fast ball motion tonight" ...

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Interesting coaching style. Can't see that is being very effective.

First, the fact that you are making a huge personal effort to help you DD improve her game tell me you to NOT suck as a parent.

Second, as others have advised, work with your DD to find a gentler way to tell a coach that she is going to do it her way. This situation will come up again.

Thanks Me_And_My_Big_Mouth. Great story. It's appreciated.

As always....thanks Eric. Funny thing is that it comes up almost every Sunday (in regards to a coach telling her something she doesn't agree with). During her games, for example, if she throws 2 balls in a row. Her coach may yell something like "slow down and guide it to her glove." or "just snap the ball straight ahead and bring your arm straight up so the ball will go straight."

She has a great relationship with the HC. So, I've heard DD say something like this in between innings..."Coach, if they score two runs in the next inning I'll pitch however you like. If they don't, you buy me a hotdog and let me pitch one inning in peace." Her coach got a laugh from that and the bet was on.

Being nice and respectful goes a long way. I've learned, the hard way in some cases, that I can say the same thing different ways and get the response I want. When I was younger I'd say something to make someone angry and then have a physical confrontation, I'm too old for all that mess now, so I can say the same thing, in a different way, and make a friend.

BUT, I don't expect that kind of insight or tact from a pre-teenager. The coach was at fault here, if you ask me, it is our jobs as adults to explore a little when the child says "I don't do wrist snaps," a simple why or what do you do, why not? Would be the reasonable thing to do. I agree that she should have said it differently, but she isn't an adult and while we are working to get them there, we can do that best as coaches when we exhibit adult behavior, which means we don't get into pissing matches with players.

I don't care if its the best pitcher on the team or the worst, whether they have a pitching coach or not, we can take a minute and find out the issue, I would not contradict a pitching coach without talking to the parents, etc. I disagree plenty but its counter-productive to go in two different directions.

But despite the challenges, I enjoy working with young ladies that have an opinion or will speak up, I ask them to treat me and each other with respect, and they are allowed to challenge anything I say, if I can't explain why my way is better, I am not very good at my job. Too many are too afraid to speak up (none of my children... which is turning my hair gray, but I love a challenge).

Thanks Josh. I told my wife about it and she said she wasn't surprised at what DD did. I asked why and she said girls go through this...her body is changing (she's 11) and she's experiencing certain woman events for the 1st time. She's moody. He caught her on the wrong day. Doesn't mean it's ok, but I understand. With that event and a coach she doesn't know being a prick and pushing her buttons....it was a recipe for what happened.

Personally, I don't know why so many people feel the need to step forward and impose their view of what pitching mechanics should be on just any old Sally or Jane pitcher they run into. Who asked them in the first place. My favorite is for the pitcher to simply, but matter of factly say, "Thanks, but I have a pitching coach and I have warm-up drills that are specific to the pitching mechanics I'm being taught."

I have no idea either Doug. He told them to go and warm up....she did and he'd stop every time because she was doing something different than the other pitcher. Which was fine I guess. But, the fact that he wouldn't stop or, as Josh said, ask why do you do that drill, etc was the annoying thing.