Am I Out of Line?

Sparky Guy · Jun 15, 2015

It sounds like the team is following the Co-HC's lead with the laid back "Hey Dood" attitude. Your DD included. I have a question. What are practices like? Are there a lot of pressure type drills being done or is there a lot of standing around? It sounds like there is very little control over the team from the HC's. Are they dad coaches? If that's the case then you might as well run head-first into a brick wall. At least it will feel better when it stops hurting.

As other have suggested. You may need to have a get-your-act-together talk with your DD and outline the expectation of an "A" level ball player. If she balks then you'll have your answer as to her commitment. At that age they will pay you lip service telling you what they think you want to hear. Make sure she knows actions speak louder than words.

02Crush · Jun 15, 2015

You were fine. What I said to our players this weekend makes that sound tame.

grcsftbll · Jun 16, 2015

I think not. Sounds about right to me.

RetiredCoach · Jun 16, 2015

Sparky Guy said:
It sounds like the team is following the Co-HC's lead with the laid back "Hey Dood" attitude. Your DD included. I have a question. What are practices like? Are there a lot of pressure type drills being done or is there a lot of standing around? It sounds like there is very little control over the team from the HC's. Are they dad coaches? If that's the case then you might as well run head-first into a brick wall. At least it will feel better when it stops hurting.

As other have suggested. You may need to have a get-your-act-together talk with your DD and outline the expectation of an "A" level ball player. If she balks then you'll have your answer as to her commitment. At that age they will pay you lip service telling you what they think you want to hear. Make sure she knows actions speak louder than words.

Yes, you are right! They are picking up on the Co-HCs attitudes, for better or worse. And they are dad coaches. And running head first into a brick wall may be less painful than trying to get these girls act like a real softball team.

As for running practices, these guys are hit or miss. I've made a number of suggestions, some taken, to get all of the girls busy and involved in practices. Last weekend one of the HCs overruled my idea in favor of his that kept most of the girls standing around most of the time. This may have contributed to them not being ready for the game.

As for my DD and playing A level ball, the A team (we are a B team) has asked her to pitch and play for them today and in a tournament this weekend. If they want to make it permanent, before this weekend I would have felt more loyalty to the team. Now it's "catch as catch can"!

CoogansBluff · Jun 16, 2015

Kids are resilient enough to take a butt-chewing, so it's no big deal. But isn't it just a band aid?

What is the message the kids get when you get mad at them and tell them to shape up?

It's that if we lolligag and don't play well, coach will get mad at us. OK.

But is that the motivation you want? What is the real reason that kids should be focused and play hard all the time?

How do we foster their inner-drive? Or are kids like mules that need to be whipped every now and then?

RetiredCoach · Jun 16, 2015

CoogansBluff said:
Kids are resilient enough to take a butt-chewing, so it's no big deal. But isn't it just a band aid?

What is the message the kids get when you get mad at them and tell them to shape up?

It's that if we lolligag and don't play well, coach will get mad at us. OK.

But is that the motivation you want? What is the real reason that kids should be focused and play hard all the time?

How do we foster their inner-drive? Or are kids like mules that need to be whipped every now and then?

What would you suggest?

CoogansBluff · Jun 16, 2015

RetiredCoach said:
What would you suggest?

I don't know. I was being more philosophical than helpful.

What you described as having done, I've done. Probably all coaches have. I just wonder how effective it is for the long run.

I think my suggestion would this -- I'm not sure how I would word it, but the message I would send is that we're losing games and underachieving because we don't have the level of focus and intensity that we need. I'm not mad about that. That's just what I observe as your coach. It's my job to teach you to be better. So, those who show focus and intensity - in practice, warmups and game - will be rewarded with playing time. Those who are still struggling with it will be held back (ie, benched) while they continue to work on that critical skill.

If kids look at it like that, then they have internal motivation - If I have focus and intensity, I will be rewarded. As opposed to if I don't focus and have intensity, I will get fusseed at. I would think the first method would be more permanent than the second.

RetiredCoach · Jun 16, 2015

CoogansBluff said:
I don't know. I was being more philosophical than helpful.

What you described as having done, I've done. Probably all coaches have. I just wonder how effective it is for the long run.

I think my suggestion would this -- I'm not sure how I would word it, but the message I would send is that we're losing games and underachieving because we don't have the level of focus and intensity that we need. I'm not mad about that. That's just what I observe as your coach. It's my job to teach you to be better. So, those who show focus and intensity - in practice, warmups and game - will be rewarded with playing time. Those who are still struggling with it will be held back (ie, benched) while they continue to work on that critical skill.

If kids look at it like that, then they have internal motivation - If I have focus and intensity, I will be rewarded. As opposed to if I don't focus and have intensity, I will get fusseed at. I would think the first method would be more permanent than the second.

Now you've provided something that I can use!

klamath632 · Jun 16, 2015

RetiredCoach said:
What would you suggest?

Do they have direction? Do they have dedication?

Start rewarding the effort they give, rather than the talent they have. It could be something as simple as the girl who works the hardest at each practice gets to add a song to the music mix. Find something that resonates with them. You may see some motivation appear out of thin air.

Remind them of the goals they have, and let them know if the effort they are giving isn't enough to achieve that goal. Remind them how hard Suzie on your rival team is working. You may see a difference.

Or you may not. They may truly not care at all. Motivation comes from within. At some point they stop playing for Mom and Dad and start playing for themselves, or they quit the sport altogether.

gophert · Jun 16, 2015

I don't think what you said was over the line or rude. However, I'm thinking it's time to step away from coaching your DD in game situations. My daughter is also a pitcher and I finally gave it up this year (12U) and it has been the best thing I've experienced. I still coach her at home and reinforce what she works on with her pitching coach, but come game time, I say nothing. The key, is finding the right coaches to turn your daughter over to. I would start looking for that opportunity if you are not there already. If your daughter is a #1 A level pitcher, you will have no problem finding a spot where you both can advance as Pitcher and bucket dad. Good luck!

Am I Out of Line?

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