Your honest opinion...

[djcarter1966]

What does she do in school? Is she on varsity? Does she experience the same dynamic? Finishing out her school career could get her "well rounded" point in a college admission scenario. Honestly my kid was the same way except for the fact she just wasn't that good...she was the JV captain and MVP but come her Junior year when coach wanted her to go play Varsity she just said no....if you let me I'll play JV but otherwise no, her JV coach really lobbied for her cause he loved her a lot so she played JV her junior year then hasn't picked up a softball since.

In the end the decision can't be about a scholarship if she doesn't want to play she would just be miserable. It's already like a job while in school for those that love it can't imagine what it would be like if you didn't. If she does really crush the ball like you say my guess is any college coach would keep her around as long as she wasn't toxic which it doesn't sound like she is just more aloof.

The pick up idea isn't a bad one actually it lets her focus on getting better but not have to deal with all the team dynamics, not sure I'd spend the money for "national" type team but if one of those teams home base isn't too far it could work although that would probably mean you needed to be in Ca, TX or FL.

These are all things she just has to figure out does she really dislike softball or just all the drama around it? If she just is really not interested at all in softball go down to your local golf course and see if you can get the pro there to get her a package deal for 4 or 5 lessons to see if she likes it

 

[ChrisSB]

I see lots of good qualities about her that would be great, IMO. She's super, super dedicated to her workout. It's basically her #1 priority. Roughly 2 hours a day, 4-5 days per week. Heavy, hard, lifting. She LOVES working out.

Since she loves working out so much, maybe consider looking for a college with a powerlifting team? I doubt there's much scholarship money there either, but she might enjoy it.

 

[justanotherguy]

Two options ...

The second is to try and latch on with a "National" showcase team ....

She had an open offer from one of those showcase, show up and play teams. They're a pretty good team within the state. She considered it but turned it down. As for the first option, that's something that she's been thinking about. The team of the younger sister I mentioned is going to play a few 16u games here and there this season and maybe move up full time in the fall. My DD said she'd fill in with them when they do, and the kid is over the moon thinking she'll get to play with her. Things like that put a smile on my DD's face.

 

[justanotherguy]

The girls on a team don't have to be friends, but they do need to be supportive of one another and communicative with each other. Be honest; is she regarded as a "cold fish" by teammates who looks down her nose at them (not saying she does that, just what their perceptions might be) or as just sort of shy and not one to lead chants in the dugout? I think there's a big difference. If she's viewing softball as an individual sport where she just happens to wear the same uniform as other players, I think college ball would probably be a miserable experience.

Seems to me that you need to be reassuring her that she doesn't NEED softball in order to go to college. I assume from your post that that is the case. If she's great academically, she can earn money that way. She can work out as hard as she wants on her own and maybe try something like club sports or even tae kwon do outside of school to satisfy her competitive urges. She's putting a lot of pressure on herself, and if you can alleviate any of that by reassuring her about the finances, by all means do so!

No, not at all. She's not unfriendly. She's just not outgoing. She talks when talked to. I believe she has a bit of social anxiety disorder and she just locks up when she's not "super close" to other girls. On the last team she just left, she liked the girls. They were much more "country" and while not quite like my DD, they were the fun type of girls that'd rather go hunting or 4-wheeling than discuss their prom dress. They talked to her a lot but often she would just lock up and not know what to say. If it weren't for the coach completely ignoring the college aspect, we probably wouldn't have left.

I've already discussed with her college and paying for it. As mentioned, her older brother is doing it all for about 15k total. She's the one putting the pressure on herself. I've raised them to be very money conscious and debt is a "four letter word". I think she's having trouble and fear about any level of debt and being able to pay it off.

 

[justanotherguy]

What does she do in school? Is she on varsity? Does she experience the same dynamic? Finishing out her school career could get her "well rounded" point in a college admission scenario. Honestly my kid was the same way except for the fact she just wasn't that good...she was the JV captain and MVP but come her Junior year when coach wanted her to go play Varsity she just said no....if you let me I'll play JV but otherwise no, her JV coach really lobbied for her cause he loved her a lot so she played JV her junior year then hasn't picked up a softball since.

In the end the decision can't be about a scholarship if she doesn't want to play she would just be miserable. It's already like a job while in school for those that love it can't imagine what it would be like if you didn't. If she does really crush the ball like you say my guess is any college coach would keep her around as long as she wasn't toxic which it doesn't sound like she is just more aloof.

The pick up idea isn't a bad one actually it lets her focus on getting better but not have to deal with all the team dynamics, not sure I'd spend the money for "national" type team but if one of those teams home base isn't too far it could work although that would probably mean you needed to be in Ca, TX or FL.

These are all things she just has to figure out does she really dislike softball or just all the drama around it? If she just is really not interested at all in softball go down to your local golf course and see if you can get the pro there to get her a package deal for 4 or 5 lessons to see if she likes it

Right now she's not in regular public school. She's doing home virtual school. She's going back to regular public school though for her senior year as the gov't stepped in and changed a lot of things about her current school, making it near unbearable it's so bad. Very long story behind that all, I'd tell it in a PM if you're really interested. But, in middle school she played baseball (only girl in the history of the school) and volleyball. Baseball was very competitive and she was a starter her 8th grade year, 7th grade played the most of any non-starter. 7th grade it wasn't bad, but once she became a started her teammates became the nastiest people. I can't believe some of the lies they spread about her. Anyhow, sports in school is a no go for her now. Back to the type of girls that play... She knows them all and wants nothing to do with them.

It's not really the game. She loves batting. As mentioned, we go to the field almost every weekend with her friend's little sis. This past weekend, IDK what got into her, but she was crushing the ball. I mean, just destroying it. She always hits well, but this was probably the best I've ever seen. Out of 30'ish balls, I think 3 or 4 were left inside the fence. She had a big smile. She still says things like "If I play" so it's obvious she hasn't decided to drop it all yet. So basically, yeah it's mostly the drama. I've said it to her many times, if she had a true friend she'd enjoy it a lot more and she doesn't refute that at all. She plays beach volleyball during the summer and that basketball playing friend is always her teammate. (Her mother is the coach.) She loves it.

 

[justanotherguy]

Since she loves working out so much, maybe consider looking for a college with a powerlifting team? I doubt there's much scholarship money there either, but she might enjoy it.

She's thought about it. One thing she hates though is how most power lifters get quite "hefty". She takes pride in maintaining a fit physique. I think she'd be more of the crossfit type, but I don't know if that's become a college sport yet. LOL

She was in BJJ last year. She enjoyed it but didn't have time for it and her workout once softball started in full swing. She wants to get into MMA training, but she has to decide softball is fully out before that level of training is an option again. They opened up a kickboxing studio about 20 miles away. If she does drop softball for good, I'll definitely be looking into that.

 

[softball dad 6]

I wanted to post something to give you some food for thought. I started to post this on another thread. In thinking about dd from age 11 to 18. She will have spent over 1/3 of her total weekends playing travel softball tournaments. This doesn't count the years she played travel volleyball and AAU basketball. This is an incredible amount of her childhood. One of the worst outcomes I can imagine is if she looks back in 10 years and regrets it. Not saying this is true for your dd but it is something to consider.

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

 

[MadBandit22]

The girls on a team don't have to be friends, but they do need to be supportive of one another and communicative with each other. Be honest; is she regarded as a "cold fish" by teammates who looks down her nose at them (not saying she does that, just what their perceptions might be) or as just sort of shy and not one to lead chants in the dugout? I think there's a big difference. If she's viewing softball as an individual sport where she just happens to wear the same uniform as other players, I think college ball would probably be a miserable experience.

Seems to me that you need to be reassuring her that she doesn't NEED softball in order to go to college. I assume from your post that that is the case. If she's great academically, she can earn money that way. She can work out as hard as she wants on her own and maybe try something like club sports or even tae kwon do outside of school to satisfy her competitive urges. She's putting a lot of pressure on herself, and if you can alleviate any of that by reassuring her about the finances, by all means do so!

Wow!!! It sounds like your DD has to open-up a little bit and get invested in her future and her teams performance.
I understand wanting to be your own person and not caving to what everybody else thinks is normal. But you gotta have passion! You gotta support your teammates! You gotta love winning & hate losing!!!
Even if she has to fake a little enthusiasm towards teammates she’s not crazy about that’s what you gotta do.
You have to earn your teammates & coaches respect by your performance on the field and the way you carry yourself off the field.
The coach probably isn’t promoting/helping your daughter because your daughter isn’t giving her anything to go on. Sounds like your DD needs an emotional boost.
I’m sure if your DD showed more passion for the game and encouragement towards her teammates it would go a long way with opening the coaches eyes that your DD wants to take her game to a higher level.

 

[Lemond]

Seems to me that you need to be reassuring her that she doesn't NEED softball in order to go to college.

THIS ^^^^^^^^^

I've already discussed with her college and paying for it. As mentioned, her older brother is doing it all for about 15k total. She's the one putting the pressure on herself. I've raised them to be very money conscious and debt is a "four letter word". I think she's having trouble and fear about any level of debt and being able to pay it off.

Obviously, I don't know the extent of this conversation, but with the level of monetary concern you have hinted at, it sure sounds like your DD is feeling like if she doesn't pay for her college with softball money, that she will be letting you/family/herself down. I have lost track of how many times people have posted here how little money is available to SB scholarships.

Pick two of her top schools as potential scenarios, and make a point to put ALL softball discussions out of the picture for the moment. Go over the details with her about how much each school costs, including tuition, room & board, etc. (i.e., Develop a total budget for college, doesn't have to be perfect.) Then start going over with her how that will be paid for. $XXXX will be paid by you, $YYYY might be an estimate for financial aid, $zzzz might be academic scholarships, and have some specific scholarships in mind with their potential values (again, all estimates as you can't predict the future.). Add it all up, and talk with her about how you and she can make up the difference with student loans, part time jobs, etc. Help her understand what her career choice might pay as a salary when she finishes school, and if there is $10-20K of student loan debt, how long that can be carried, etc. It will sound overwhelming to many kids these days, but sounds like your DD may need/want this data.

If she can see the path through school without softball, then maybe she will figure out if it still needs to be in her life or not. What parts of SB might she miss? Would she be happy just hitting off a machine in a cage for the rest of her sports career?

If she decides that SB has to be a part of her life through college, then find out what typical money is available to SB players at your schools of choice, and add it to the above budget sheet instead of a part time job.

BTW: It really sounds like she could get into coaching. Sounds like she is pretty good with kids that want to learn, and can be graciously indifferent with problem kids as needed (great coaching skill), and maybe that coupled with the right college curriculum could lead her into a career in education and coaching?

Bottom line though, as has been brought up a few times, she needs to make and own this decision.

 

[CoachJD]

It sounds as though she's considering treating college softball almost as a job as a means of helping pay for school, right?

So if the money is there at the school she wants to attend, why not? Would she rather play college softball or wait tables?

The reason people talk about how someone needs to love the game to play at the college level is usually because people, especially young people, are not often going to work hard enough if they don't love what they're doing. Your DD seems to be different. She seems like she would put in the work because that would be part of the job.

Of course, if playing would make her miserable, then it's probably not worth it. If it's just about paying for school, maybe she would prefer waiting tables or getting a retail job to help make ends meet.

Jeff Kent had a borderline HOF baseball career, and he has said he doesn't even like baseball. I've heard other stories of athletes whose first love is Sport A, but they were all-world at Sport B so that's the path they traveled. It can work. It just can't work for everybody.