- Aug 21, 2008
- 2,379
- 113
My first "diary entry". Every night that I do lessons, several topics come to mind about things I could write about. Last night, as almost every night I see a particular kid, this thought process comes to mind: the parent might be the problem.
I have a young pitcher about 12 years old that has a Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. She is 2 completely different pitchers based on who brings her to pitching lessons. When it's mom, she is laid back, smiles, laughs, enjoys the lesson. She doesn't stress over bad pitches and it's easier to communicate the old saying that this is a marathon not a sprint. But, when Dad brings her, she gets extremely uptight and seems to pitch in almost fear. When I'm going to see her on a particular evening, dad will text that afternoon and proceed to tell me things she has to work on, things she needs to develop, and almost seems to dictate what he wants her to do that night. I used to respond to his messages, now I don't even bother. Things young lady is not big, she has small hands, is only 1.5 years into using the 12" ball and dad seems to think she needs her riseball yesterday. Yes, I'm aware that someone reading this is chomping at the bit to tell me their DD is 12 and has a riseball that would make Osterman jealous. But I don't want to discuss pitches thrown at 12, 14 or 16U.
There is a balance that parents need to make between being supportive and one of the nutcases that Oprah interviews. You know the kind, where dad makes his 3 year old be able to catch a football pass on the run or he doesn't get a hot meal that night. Honestly, you see and hear some of these stories about parents, their behavior at games, and you have to think that some kids would rather have Casey Anthony as a mother!
This young lady I mentioned is a completely different pitcher when dad brings her vs. Mom. When dad is there, I can just see her terrified of making a mistake and I wonder what the conversations are like after the lesson (or before). There have been several times I've had to put him in his place with perspective about his daughter, her abilities, and what we're trying to accomplish. He can't fall into the trap of believing the other pitcher on the team has 8 pitches, she doesn't. And it's all well and good to think the other pitcher is successful with 8 pitches, without understanding that the difference here is BAD hitting, not GOOD pitching. More on that subject another time.
There are many ques young people do that tell us how interested they are in some things. Using pitching as our example, when you have a pitcher constantly asking how much time is left... there's an issue. When she purposely misses the ball being thrown back to her to help waste time during her session... there's an issue. When she asks 5-10 minutes into her lesson each week to use the bathroom... there's an issue. These are just some.
I'm not spilling any secrets here when I say we all know families where the parent(s) want it more than the kids. We've all seen people that go through this. We've all witnessed it. And NOBODY thinks it's their kid who has these feelings. Nobody wants to believe their kid isn't into this as much as they are. And I hope you are right, I truly do. As the old saying in Poker circles goes: look around the table and if you can't see who the sucker is, that means it's you.
It's never a wrong time to do a self check up on this. Take a true measure of who is wanting this lifetime of pitching more, yourself or your daughter (or son). I can tell you that I have more than 1 kid who I question whether it's her desire or the parents. And as I mentioned on an earlier post, I have ZERO problem with the part time pitcher who has other things in life going on. But, their expectations need to be seriously adjusted.
I have a young pitcher about 12 years old that has a Jekyll and Hyde syndrome. She is 2 completely different pitchers based on who brings her to pitching lessons. When it's mom, she is laid back, smiles, laughs, enjoys the lesson. She doesn't stress over bad pitches and it's easier to communicate the old saying that this is a marathon not a sprint. But, when Dad brings her, she gets extremely uptight and seems to pitch in almost fear. When I'm going to see her on a particular evening, dad will text that afternoon and proceed to tell me things she has to work on, things she needs to develop, and almost seems to dictate what he wants her to do that night. I used to respond to his messages, now I don't even bother. Things young lady is not big, she has small hands, is only 1.5 years into using the 12" ball and dad seems to think she needs her riseball yesterday. Yes, I'm aware that someone reading this is chomping at the bit to tell me their DD is 12 and has a riseball that would make Osterman jealous. But I don't want to discuss pitches thrown at 12, 14 or 16U.
There is a balance that parents need to make between being supportive and one of the nutcases that Oprah interviews. You know the kind, where dad makes his 3 year old be able to catch a football pass on the run or he doesn't get a hot meal that night. Honestly, you see and hear some of these stories about parents, their behavior at games, and you have to think that some kids would rather have Casey Anthony as a mother!
This young lady I mentioned is a completely different pitcher when dad brings her vs. Mom. When dad is there, I can just see her terrified of making a mistake and I wonder what the conversations are like after the lesson (or before). There have been several times I've had to put him in his place with perspective about his daughter, her abilities, and what we're trying to accomplish. He can't fall into the trap of believing the other pitcher on the team has 8 pitches, she doesn't. And it's all well and good to think the other pitcher is successful with 8 pitches, without understanding that the difference here is BAD hitting, not GOOD pitching. More on that subject another time.
There are many ques young people do that tell us how interested they are in some things. Using pitching as our example, when you have a pitcher constantly asking how much time is left... there's an issue. When she purposely misses the ball being thrown back to her to help waste time during her session... there's an issue. When she asks 5-10 minutes into her lesson each week to use the bathroom... there's an issue. These are just some.
I'm not spilling any secrets here when I say we all know families where the parent(s) want it more than the kids. We've all seen people that go through this. We've all witnessed it. And NOBODY thinks it's their kid who has these feelings. Nobody wants to believe their kid isn't into this as much as they are. And I hope you are right, I truly do. As the old saying in Poker circles goes: look around the table and if you can't see who the sucker is, that means it's you.
It's never a wrong time to do a self check up on this. Take a true measure of who is wanting this lifetime of pitching more, yourself or your daughter (or son). I can tell you that I have more than 1 kid who I question whether it's her desire or the parents. And as I mentioned on an earlier post, I have ZERO problem with the part time pitcher who has other things in life going on. But, their expectations need to be seriously adjusted.
Then, when we don’t say anything, she wants to know why we are not helping her. Go figure...now I just repeat back the question she asks in an affirmative statement. Now dad wants me to 
. He thinks I sound like a parrot 
repeating everything back.
