Would you want your daughter playing for this coach?

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Dec 19, 2021
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In the case the OP mentioned, I would pull DD from the team, maybe before the game was over. We have had a whole series of coaches from stern to very laid-back, and they have all been able to do the job without filth and tirades.
 
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PDM

Jun 18, 2019
165
43
NJ
Probably wouldn’t like it. However the best coach my dd ever had. A guy who still years later will post on the Org Facebook page the accomplishments of girls who aged out of his program years ago. College graduations, new jobs, accomplishments in other sports, birthdays, engagements… he once had a terrible day and if you only saw him the one day you would think bad things.

The next week one day I brought a 12 pack of beer and a lawn chair, showed up at coaches house and we sat in his yard for however long it took to discuss that bad day and decide if his team was still a good fit. My dd played for him another 5 years and he proved that was a one time thing.

So I would need to see more then one snapshot in time to decide.
I don't really care if it was just "one terrible day". The coach's job is to set an example for the players no matter what the circumstances. Someone should have taken him aside on that day and told him that. If the coach is really a good example for kids, he will be receptive to the constructive criticism and do what's right. If not, then I would take my daughter home. There is no excuse for setting a bad example for the kids. I swear about as much or more than anyone I know, so I am not speaking as a "holier than thou" prude, but I've coached kids for many years and haven't once been disrespectful and/or used bad language in front of the athletes. You have to always be aware of your audience and the effect that you have on them.
 

PDM

Jun 18, 2019
165
43
NJ
Cussing while it may offend some ears is not the worst thing.


My take away on this is...
Do the most research possible on the team going to decide to play on because some coaches may exhibit certain behaviors may or may not like. That is to say that coach still fielded a team.
No, it isn't the worst thing, but it's still unacceptable for a coach of a 12U team.
 

PDM

Jun 18, 2019
165
43
NJ
We were at a tournament this weekend and our field was back to back with another one. While we were waiting for our game I started watching the game on the field next to us. Very competitive game, but what stood out was one of the coaches was literally cursing every other word in front of and at 12U girls. F bombs, BS, son of a bitch, you name it. He was losing his mind. I'm no prude, but I would never dream of talking like that in front of young girls.

Luckily, our girls were warming up about 50 yards away, but if they were standing there next to the field I would have asked the tournament director to issue a warning to the coach. It's one thing if the parents on his team don't care how he carries himself in front of their daughters, but that's not something that I want around my 12U daughter or our team.
My daughter would not be playing for that coach, and if my daughter was on an opposing team I would be pointing out that she is lucky not to be playing for him.
 
Nov 26, 2010
4,784
113
Michigan
I don't really care if it was just "one terrible day". The coach's job is to set an example for the players no matter what the circumstances. Someone should have taken him aside on that day and told him that. If the coach is really a good example for kids, he will be receptive to the constructive criticism and do what's right. If not, then I would take my daughter home. There is no excuse for setting a bad example for the kids. I swear about as much or more than anyone I know, so I am not speaking as a "holier than thou" prude, but I've coached kids for many years and haven't once been disrespectful and/or used bad language in front of the athletes. You have to always be aware of your audience and the effect that you have on them.
My dd has had a litany of coaches between softball and other sports. I have coached many teams in multiple sports and no I don’t condone this behavior in myself or others. However, I was willing to give a second chance. And I didn’t think confronting him when he was obviously in a bad place was the right move, unless I was sure I was walking away. I needed to get my dds thoughts and my wife’s opinion before any decision was made. The season was over and we had a week to discuss at home and make a decision. My dd was 14 at the time and her opinion was important.

Of all the coaches she has had, over a collective 32 years of various sports seasons very few coaches keep in touch and celebrate her accomplishments. This coach is The only one, other then myself, to go out of his way to reach out and congratulate her. If she needed someone and I’m not around he would help her I have no doubt. So yeah 1 game with some cursing in front of the team is worth that sort of a lifetime support and connection.
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
No, it isn't the worst thing, but it's still unacceptable for a coach of a 12U team.
If all parents of 12u players held themselves to a standard this might be a different discussion.
But since they don't..........

It is hard to place all of the standard on only a coach.


I don't judge people because a word might be a curse word, there are plenty of other damaging ways to use words that are not cursing.

Who people play for in travel ball is their own decision. That in itself is its own answer because that coach the OP was talking about field a team.
There are others and there will be more.
 
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softgabby

Gear Empress
Mar 10, 2016
1,073
83
Just behind home plate
I'll speak about my own experience with this.

I can't really say I've been cussed out by a softball coach. That's not to say that I've heard coaches cussing. I've been yelled at by softball coaches...and I've probably deserved it by making a really boneheaded play or something. And that was within my first year or two of playing as a catcher. The only times I ever had trouble with a head coach was with that field hockey coach that killed my love for playing field hockey. She would get all up in my face. Cutting me down. Cussing me out. The list goes on and on. I heard a couple of years ago, she got herself fired when one of the players she was singling out by doing the same thing singled out and did the same thing to the wrong player. I heard she now is an assistant coach at a high school in I think New Jersey.

I don't think its right for coaches to cuss around their team...especially at the younger levels like about 12u and under. And I don't think it's right for coaches to cuss out players at ANY level. I don't care if you as a coach cusses...I'm just as guilty of having a sailor mouth. But don't do it around your team or at your team.
 
Oct 10, 2018
305
63
I've been in middle school hallways working the school store - from what I've overheard, 12 year olds could probably out-cuss that coach any day of the week. Cussing doesn't bother me so long as it's not directed at the players, umps, other coaches, or their team members and isn't terribly foul-- the C word and the like. DD did have a coach who cussed a bit but didn't bother me, however I thought was over the line when she told them, "You need to win this one because that coach is a b*tch".
 

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