Who is in the wrong here?

[Tad Higgins]

DD's team was newly formed in the fall of 2018. Since my husband has never been the HC of a TB team, the president of the organization wanted him to be the AC under an experienced HC for one season. My DD is an '08, moving up to 12u in fall, and the HC daughter is an '09, staying in 10u for another year.

When the team was formed, it was with the understanding that we were splitting up into a 12u team and a 10u team after the summer 2019 season was over.
Knowing that, we carried a few '09s so that the HC would have a good base when we split.

We are a B level team with a lot of talent, so we were looking to pick up a few more strong '08s and continue to grow as a team.

Imagine our surprise when we were told by the HC that they are moving up to 12u because their daughter likes the girls on the team and doesn't want to leave.
And that along with her, they may be keeping another '09 because they are friends??! Is that a normal thing for coaches to do? Both of the '09s are amazing kids, but neither is a stud on our current 10u team. Would moving up benefit either of them?

A lot of the parents on the team are mad at us for not thinking that them moving up is not in the best interest of the team as a whole.
But we are expected to just be okay with the HC going completely against what was originally planned at the beginning? Are we being selfish?

I thought the point of TB was to grow as a strong team, not to carry kids around because they are friends. Maybe we should be the ones looking for a team to fit our daughter's goals?

Additional information:
- Our HC also coaches another one of his daughters TB and HS teams, so he missed most of our practices through the fall and spring, and misses many tournaments. My husband takes care of the finances for the team, and runs the practices and tournaments that HC misses.
- DD says wants to play competitively and isn't there to make friends - if she makes friends, that is a bonus

I know it is only 10u and 12u, but I just want to know what others would do in this situation!

My answer comes from being involved as a manager, coach, administrator for nearly 15 years.

The most important thing to remember first is that this is a game and we are here for the kids. In the natural course of softball or other sports, there are so many varieties of players, administrators, volunteers and parents. All of these factors impact every team.

Let's have a look at the Manager first. "HC" is the manager. He/she may have too many tasks and may not be able to focus sufficiently on each arm of their volunteer life. This is only one reason that we have assistants. All assistants should be well versed in the needs of each player which trickles down to improved team benefits. Furthermore, in cases where the manager is not able to attend each practice, he or she should consider stepping down for the health and continuity of the team. The game isn't about a man or woman. It is about the kids, their successes/failures, how they learn to overcome obstacles and grow into positive members of a collection of people for a greater purpose than self.

As for players moving around with or without warning, it is what it is. My daughter's story: Started with little league. I saw the lack of instruction from volunteers. I got involved. I watched her with others coaches. I watched how they worked with the kids. I learned from their habits and mine as well. The greatest lesson I took from coaching kids, girls particularly, is negativity is toxic. Whenever possible, and it's nearly never impossible, find the silver lining and describe it to a player/team. "Jill decided to play up an age group." This can be for many reasons. It could be that there is a coach that a player has taken a liking to, some role model players already on the team, the type of tournaments and exposure another team gets and many other reasons. My point, find the silver lining. Don't lie to a child ever, but to give a reasonable alternative to 'she left us' is far better for their emotional health.

The best option as a parent sometimes is to take notice in teams that take notice in your player. If you truly believe that there are problems with your player's current team, a move could be the best choice. Watch, listen and network with other parents while you are at tournaments. Some sanctioning bodies are stricter than others, so if you are able to have your player play as a pick-up for a weekend tournament, go for it! My question to you, parent to parent, would be what do you have to lose? After all, even you have stated it, we are talking about 10 and 12u teams.

One more thing that I would like to add. This game should not resemble 'work'. It will get old. There are so many great things that come from relationship building, memories and the sheer enjoyment of this awesome game. Even as adults, we often times find ourselves unhappy doing work that we aren't happy with. I have watched more good talent quit because the 'work' consumed them and there was no time to have 'fun'.

Best of luck to you and your player!

 

[Rocketech1]

Sounds like the issue is that your husband thought he would be the 12u coach in the fall after an "apprenticeship" under the 10U HC but now the HC wants to move his DD up and will manage the 12U team, instead of your husband? If this correct?

Here's my 2 cents having coached from 6U until 1st year 12U. This fall, go to lots of tryouts with many different teams. As a pitcher, your DD should be in demand (i.e. teams are always looking for good pitching). Second, try to find a team where there is no mommies and daddies coaching, if at all possible. Very few, if any, parent coaches can be truly objective and fair coaches to ALL team members. Third, travel ball might involve "travel" even if its not convenient for your family, so you might have to make that sacrifice if you want more (and better) softball team options for your DD.

Lastly, let me give you some pitching advice if I may . 12U is a big transition for pitchers. You go from 35 feet to 40 feet; the ball is now 12 inches, and the hitters have grown (bigger/stronger). It's critical that in order for pitchers to stay competitive they need two things: 1) a very good pitching coach; and 2) they need to practice regularly. Depending on where you live, that might mean year-round practice. I have seen so many very good, if not great, 8U/10U pitchers become just average or give up the position because they are not as effective as before when trying to pitch at 12U and beyond. It's a ton of work and only a few have the desire and time to really be succesfull at it. Just a few things to think about. Good luck!