Who is in the wrong here?

[08 Pitcher Mom]

DD's team was newly formed in the fall of 2018. Since my husband has never been the HC of a TB team, the president of the organization wanted him to be the AC under an experienced HC for one season. My DD is an '08, moving up to 12u in fall, and the HC daughter is an '09, staying in 10u for another year.

When the team was formed, it was with the understanding that we were splitting up into a 12u team and a 10u team after the summer 2019 season was over.
Knowing that, we carried a few '09s so that the HC would have a good base when we split.

We are a B level team with a lot of talent, so we were looking to pick up a few more strong '08s and continue to grow as a team.

Imagine our surprise when we were told by the HC that they are moving up to 12u because their daughter likes the girls on the team and doesn't want to leave.
And that along with her, they may be keeping another '09 because they are friends??! Is that a normal thing for coaches to do? Both of the '09s are amazing kids, but neither is a stud on our current 10u team. Would moving up benefit either of them?

A lot of the parents on the team are mad at us for not thinking that them moving up is not in the best interest of the team as a whole.
But we are expected to just be okay with the HC going completely against what was originally planned at the beginning? Are we being selfish?

I thought the point of TB was to grow as a strong team, not to carry kids around because they are friends. Maybe we should be the ones looking for a team to fit our daughter's goals?

Additional information:
- Our HC also coaches another one of his daughters TB and HS teams, so he missed most of our practices through the fall and spring, and misses many tournaments. My husband takes care of the finances for the team, and runs the practices and tournaments that HC misses.
- DD says wants to play competitively and isn't there to make friends - if she makes friends, that is a bonus

I know it is only 10u and 12u, but I just want to know what others would do in this situation!

 

[texasheat]

So what's the problem with them moving up? I don't get it.

 

[djcarter1966]

Will this 12U team continue to just be a local B team because the girls aren't ready? Where does your DD fit on the team is she a top contributor. I think the biggest issue you have a separating what you and your husband want as far as who runs the team versus what is best for your DD in terms of growth and playing time and enjoyment etc.

 

[08 Pitcher Mom]

They are not strong players. Almost always strike out at the plate, lots of missed plays in the field. They both have made some good plays, but definitely not top 5 on the team. We were hoping to fill those spots with strong '08s.

My DD is starting pitcher and #4 in the batting order. We were planning to stay local in the fall, and depending who shows up to tryouts, and how the team does as a first year 12u, start traveling to some higher level tournaments.

I guess the issue is separating DDs needs from the team's needs!

 

[Strike2]

When parents are involved, there will always be decisions potentially based more on self-interest than team interest. It's one of the many compromises that often must be made. On the flip side, non-parent coaches can be very capricious and show their own favoritism.

I'm not a fan of playing up, particularly from 10U to 12U, unless the player is capable enough to rank in the top half of the 12U roster. There's just too many differences in the game and the kids involved. You get to decide whether you can change the course your organization is on, live with it, or move on. Seeing as your kid is a pitcher AND a strong hitter, you likely have better-than-average leverage. Your husband could likely build his own team on that kind of foundation.

BTW...this game is as much about relationships as it is about learning how to play. A team of talented and motivated friends will be more successful than a similarly talented team of kids just there to play ball. Friends are less selfish, more supportive, and have parents who aren't so mercenary and meddling.

 

[let it be fun]

They are not strong players. Almost always strike out at the plate, lots of missed plays in the field. They both have made some good plays, but definitely not top 5 on the team.

My DD is starting pitcher and #4 in the batting order. We were planning to stay local in the fall, and depending who shows up to tryouts, and how the team does as a first year 12u, start traveling to some higher level tournaments.

I guess the issue is separating DDs needs from the team's needs!

Nobody is in the wrong here. It doesn't sound like this team is a good fit for your DD.

Get your DD on an "A" team if you don't want the team to be managed like a "B" team. I am sure the HC likes the team and the girls and wants to keep them together. You would rather have your DD play on a team with better players. Go find that team. IMO your DD will get a lot better playing with better players and having to earn her time in the circle and her spot in the batting order. Hanging around on a B team where she is the #1 pitcher and #4 hitter is OK for some but it does not sound like what you and your kid want.

 

[marriard]

.......
I know it is only 10u and 12u, but I just want to know what others would do in this situation!

Ok.... there is no right or wrong in this situation. Things change from season to season and year to year. What you hoped would happen, didn't happen.

I will say that there is a LOT of your thoughts and your issues and not a lot of your DD's views (at this age they tend to just support their parents versus expressing themselves). Travel is not all competetion no matter what (well not on every team) - for some the social aspects are a major part of travel.

You feel your goals don't match up with the team goals (not so sure about your DD's thoughts). So move on. It happens. And it will probably happen again in the future. Don't burn bridges. Don't force a bad situation.

 

[FP26]

One of the many challenges of being a parent/coach is balancing the needs of the team with the needs of your own children. Ideally these needs are similar. Otherwise you find yourself in a position of either organizing the team based on your children's needs (could be viewed as "daddy ball") or putting your own children's needs aside for the betterment of the team. Neither of these choices provide a great deal of success.

I was an assistant coach throughout 12u, 14u, and 1st year 16u. It was during that final season that I realized that DD's goals were different than the goals of many of the other players on the team. DD wanted to play in college (and is). The rest of the team was focused on playing high school ball (which is fine). So at the end of that season, I officially retired from coaching and DD joined another team with a more aggressive schedule. Some of the parents from our old team were upset with me because the choice I made was not viewed as being in the best interest of "their children". But continuing would not have been in the best interest of "my child". Within a few months, most of those parents understood my reasoning, and now many of us are once again good friends.

 

[djcarter1966]

Biggest thing is going to be to get the organization to see things from your perspective...you mentioned this guy coaches a higher level team and also the high school team...he is the alpha dog here! If he wants to move his kid who always strikes out at 10U up to 12U so be it. They might not want to upset him because of what is going on with the 14U/16U team so they will do whatever he wants with lower level team. If your DD is the #1 pitcher and cleanup hitter and there are other opportunities out there I wouldn't at least go try out and see what happens, she should be able to get a spot on her own on another team assuming there are plenty of local teams around.

 

[08 Pitcher Mom]

Biggest thing is going to be to get the organization to see things from your perspective...you mentioned this guy coaches a higher level team and also the high school team...he is the alpha dog here! If he wants to move his kid who always strikes out at 10U up to 12U so be it. They might not want to upset him because of what is going on with the 14U/16U team so they will do whatever he wants with lower level team. If your DD is the #1 pitcher and cleanup hitter and there are other opportunities out there I wouldn't at least go try out and see what happens, she should be able to get a spot on her own on another team assuming there are plenty of local teams around.

He coaches the higher level team outside of our organization, and it is not a local high school team, but he is a wonderful coach! Just not available to our team most of the time, due to his other coaching responsibilities!

And I agree that moving to another team may be the best move, but it hard to leave a team that practices in your back yard to having to travel to practice! I guess we will see what happens when the season is over!