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When is enough???

Here is a question I'm posting to all of y'all who are parents who happen to have good friends who have dd's who play softball, too. It is lengthy, but I need some sound advice. If I asked around here with my "friends", someone would rat me out and it would be a stink, which is really what I am trying to avoid.

I have a really good friend who has a dd in my dd's grade (20 children) at school. Her dd played softball in rec league with us 2 seasons ago (the first my dd played). After that season, she was "going to take her daughter to do better things than this crappy rec league". They were in 3rd grade. Okay, whatever. I knew then that my dd was far from being committed to playing, much less ready to play competitive ball. I never really knew this parent until our children played ball together. She is a bit older than I. Nonetheless, we shared a common bond and became fast friends.

The dd tried out for several teams. When I would ask how the try-outs were going, I'd get the answer, "Well, my dd is too good for that team, it was a 'mercy' try-out" or "They practice too far away" and so forth. Finally, she got her on a team that is coached by a friend of her's.

The team played "beautifully" last season and dd was "the star" on the team. Certainly one of "the best players ever", or so the mother told me time and time again. This season, the dd moved up an age level. They now are the "young" team on the block and are not doing so hot. However, the dd isn't "getting enough playing time" and her coach is "just an idiot" for not playing her. They were scheduled for a tournament over a weekend. She told the coach her dd had a prior engagement that Friday night, so he'd better make sure that they started playing on Saturday and he was "fine with it because my dd is the best thing on the team".

Now, the dd is being "begged and begged" by the team she played with last year to play with them again next year (they'll be moving up to the age level). After all, "she is the best thing going" as far as softball goes and "she'll get pitching time and that is what she wants to do anyway".

I mentioned to her that my dd's coach is thinking of putting our girls into a tournament or two this season. "Bring it on! Let's see how rec league will make out with 'real' softball teams. I hope our girls play y'all - you'll see some 'real' ball playin' then!" WHAT??

This mentality has obviously oozed down to her dd, as she is constantly rubbing it in my dd's face at school. Last week when they had varsity practice, they had to run the outer perimeter of the school 4 times. My dd was running along with one of the starters. They got a little over-heated and ran through the school to get some water. It was only like 90 outside that day with no shade. My friend's dd was running down the hill and saw the girls come out of the building and immediately said, "Y'all are cheating and I'm telling!" OMG - my dd defended the two of them to the coach and explained they needed water. HELLO?? It was a big ordeal the next day at school when my friend's dd announced to everyone that my dd "cheats her way through softball and that's the only way she is getting anywhere with it".

I am SO sorry to rant, but I am so very frustrated at my friend AND her dd!! I realize my child is not the best on the block and would NEVER say she was, either. However, I do think that she is just as good a player as my friend's dd, it just happens that we play rec and they play travel - we pay $20/hr for batting and pitching once a week and they pay $45/hr twice a week for the same thing. I am tired of having this thrown in my face with every phone call I get from my friend! I will admit I stooped to her level and told her that my dd has been knocking the cover off of the ball since she got her new bat. I'll admit it - I did it just to shut her up, but she went on about some tale with her dd slapping, or whatever! UGH - I could just pull out my hair. Whatever my dd does, her's does 10x better and on one foot!! Please, please someone give me some advice on how to get my friend to bug off with the "my dd this, my dd that"!!! HELP!!! I've come here b/c I figure it's going to be cheaper than a therapist and I am sure, at one point or another, someone here has been through a similar situation....
May 13, 2008
This sounds more like a question for Ann Landers. If she is a real friend you should talk to her about it. If she is a casual friend, listen to her and smile when she brags about her DD and realize that she is probably only half as good as she thinks she is. At any rate, I don't think I would talk much softball with this friend.


Ex "Expert"
Feb 25, 2009
This person is not your "friend." You are simply a sounding board so that this person can get their quota of bragging in for that hour. When/if you speak at all about your child, all this person is hearing is "blah blah blah wait for break to begin again about my child." Zebras don't change their stripes and so, don't expect anything differently from this parent or child. Really, is this parent or child modeling anything you'd want your daughter associated with? The best course is to simply nod and grin and think to yourself that they are absolutely miserable because they are. The other day, I was courteous and went over to say hey to a Dad that I've known for some time and of whom I once coached his daughter. After the general greetings and without taking a breath, he proceeded to give me an update on every stat of his child. It was awe inspiring to observe how insecure he is. I feel so sorry for him because I know where they are headed down the road. He's going to wake up someday and realize that he never enjoyed watching his child. Instead, he was so wrapped up in her stats, comparing her to every player in the area and trying to tell everyone how great she is. In doing so this past meeting, this person told me the stats and how his dd would have beaten (insert so many schools) but the coach pitcher "the other pitchers" who certainly are not as good as his daughter. In doing that, he actually insulted my daughter though I'm sure he didn't notice it. I simply excused myself to go be around others. You need to follow suit. When the topic turns to her dd, excuse yourself.

Your dd is in a tougher spot. However, I'm sure that the egomaniac child has flaws. Believe it or not, the teacher and all coaches already know that and find dealing with this child troublesome already. This family will gain a reputations quickly. JMHO!
Jun 2, 2008
She's is not your friend. Be courteous when you talk, but move on. Enjoy watching your child develope and learn the game. It will all come around in time. What you will find is that family will be totally consumed by their kids softball involvement, and when things don't go as they think they should, or their child gets "slighted", everything goes to pot. They are not a happy family, I assure you. They only thing holding their family together is softball. When softball falls apart, and it will, so will the family. Watch - it will occur about 12u/14u level.
Feb 16, 2009
As you get more involved in the softball world you will find this parent commonly referred to as a "cancer on the team." Yes, it's that bad. Why would you want to spend your free time with a person who demeans others, and her daughter is following her example by doing same. I'd stay far away from this person. It will be easier on you and your daughter in the future.

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