this is a great list!!

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Jul 26, 2010
3,567
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I agree with a lot of what Ray said. I'm very against entitlement and I agree that sports are not fair and equal and that some kids are just better at sports then others. I do have recent experience with this though:

I'm not sure where this is going...Is this that a coach should acknowledge that she is human? Or that the coach should take responsibility for a loss?

This was in response to: "I know I make mistakes and I appreciate it when you acknowledge that you do too."

Last weekend one of my daughters was in a 14u tournament. Player on 2nd and 3rd, hitter bunts. Play is close at 1B but blue calls out. The first base coach tells the runner to "keep going". Runner at 3rd had scored, ball was thrown to the catcher who now sees a runner trying to get to 2nd and makes the throw, runner who was at 2nd now scores.

Problem is that the play was illegal, blue caught it, called interference (from sending the out player at 1 to 2), double play resulted, second runner that "scored" returned to 3rd base and both runs removed from the book. Next play was a pop fly to center to end the inning.

The team was downtrodden, but instead of the coach pulling them together and saying "that was my fault, I messed up, get it back for me" (taking 10 seconds of his day), he instead chose to have a conversation with the other coaches about it while the girls left the dugout on their own accord to warm up on defense.

It's not the big stuff that makes a difference, it's the little stuff.

-W
 
Feb 13, 2011
9
0
All over
What an awesome list... The hardest adjustment for me from coaching to playing... Was realizing that you can learn from a loss!!! Lol When you are playing in the PAC 10 it's always about the W so when I came back to coach it took me awhile to see the bigger picture. My first team wasn't the best of athletes but we worked really hard and the team I was coaching was no longer considered a "bad" team (we started hanging around a little better and even sneaking some wins against the better teams in the state). It took me awhile to deal with not winning as much as I liked too but now I am 5 years remove from playing the biggest thing my players say to me is Dena you find a positive out of a negative.... My thought process as a newbie to the coaching scene: you can break them down but explain why and have a plan (to present them) to build them up :)
 
May 5, 2008
358
16
Wow - some very, very interesting comments and feedback. It's funny how you don't realize the way some people will take what you've written because you mean it so clearly one way and they see it a completely different way. So it's pretty cool to see some of the responses here.

First of all, I can't stand entitlement mentality any more than those of you here who've said you don't like it. However, this applies not only to players but to coaches as well.

I get SoftSocDad's point about this one...Is it up to the player to decide what should or should not happen at the practice? Players want to do drills that they like (i.e., bat) but not the ones that are helpful (e.g., running up sand dunes in the rain).
No, it is NOT the player's job to decide what's done in practice. I firmly believe that each player should be striving for their best and for excellence all the time. Not just when they feel like it. HOWEVER, this doesn't make it less frustrating when you're standing on the field for two hours shagging balls while just one person hits and when you spend half your time waiting around for the coach to get organized and figure out what's happening next in practice. Nor does it make much sense in that situation to have a coach tell you you should be putting in extra time by coming early and staying late when the time the coaches have DURING practice is horribly mismanaged.

Not all adults I’ve seen deserve my respect so my trust and respect are not something you get “just because” you’re supposed to.
I gotta go with SoftSoc on this. Players should start off respecting the coaches. The coaches might lose the respect, but the default starting point is that the players should respect the coaches.
Hmmm...read me the part I wrote again that says anything about not starting with respect? I don't see anywhere in that statement were it said, "You have to earn my respect, you don't get it from the start." That's not said anywhere at all. Some coaches feel like players should respect them no matter what simply because they are THE COACH. The point in that statement was to make the point to coaches that you do not just get respect from all players all the time "just because" of your title. Leadership is ACTION not POSITION!

While I DO agree that kids should give elders the benefit of the doubt from the start and give them respect to begin with, I can also understand why some don't. Have you ever really stopped to see some of the situations some of these players are surrounded by their entire lives growing up? We've had girls come through our teams as teenagers and when you get to know what they've been living through for years, it's not at all hard to see why they are a tad defiant to begin with vs simply trusting and respecting every adult that comes into their lives. The ones closest to them honest to goodness are NOT respectable people! Just looking at kids from those types of situations and having this idea in your head as a coach that, "This kid is awful. She should just respect me from the get go." is NOT an approach that's going to get you very far with that girl at all. One things I've learned about these tougher kids/cases that come from these backgrounds, if you leave your mind open to understand that there may be a reason for the immediate defiance, you can usually work through that pretty quickly and gain a very loyal player. That's not always the case. Sometimes these kids are more troubled that we are equipped to handle as softball coaches, but I think having a close minded "everyone should respect me" attitude, while I agree they "should" isn't going to make you as effective as you could be as a coach.

I know I make mistakes and I appreciate it when you acknowledge that you do too.
I'm not sure where this is going...Is this that a coach should acknowledge that she is human? Or that the coach should take responsibility for a loss?
I think someone addressed this issue pretty well. Players will respect you more when you too can accept responsibility for the mistakes you make on the field. There are times when a coach obviously goofs and instead of saying that, they start blaming other things or give "reasons" why it wasn't their fault things didn't work out even though outcome was a direct result of a decision they made. Some coaches will point fingers at players each and every day, yet can't ever admit that maybe they should have made a different choice. These coaches don't realize they are HURTING their own credibility with their team by doing this. Again, they will have so much more of a response and impact on their players if they can also take ownership of some of the choices they made that didn't work out. Not only that, it gives the girls a first hand example of how they can better handle, move on from, and grow from their mistakes and shortcomings.

My main problem is that "excuse" and "reason" are almost synonymous.
Really? I honestly don't know what to say to that. In my book excuses and reasons are VERY different from each other. In the statement You’re my coach. If I’m not allowed to have “excuses” neither are you. I don’t want to hear your excuses any more than you want to hear mine. Coach is obviously quick to point out "excuses" players give and don't have a problem calling them on it, so why then, do we think it would be difficult for players to make the same distinction? Another thing I've learned and seen over the years, many players are smarter and more perceptive than their coaches give them credit for. Again, when you don't realize that and think you can get away with giving players BS excuses that don't actually jive with your actions in the same situations at other times, you are hurting your own credibility and trust your players have in you.

What you think you’re good at is not what you’re good at. Ask me, and I’ll tell you what you do better than anyone else.
Perhaps a 20 YOA player might be able to tell a coach what the coach does well. I'm not sure the same can be said for an 8U rec player.
I'll agree with you on the 8U rec player. She probably can't quite make as complete an assessment. HOWEVER, if you listen carefully, 8U players say some interesting things that give you good feedback as a coach. Don't dismiss their observations or thoughts just because their 8, especially if that's an age you're going to be working with. You have to understand how to bring out their best too. Sometimes they give you hints to that if you pay attention.

As far as needing to be 20, that's a bit on the older side. I distinctly remember being able to identify, that, "Hey, this coach is great at this, but could be better at _______ ." Even in talking with my girls as they grow up in this game, my 12yo makes some very perceptive observations and if coaches were willing to listen to what their players had to say, they'd be able to make very simple adjustments that could make them significantly better coaches. Another thing I've learned as an adult is that, typically what you think your strength is, is not really your strength. Most times, other people are able to hit the nail on the head for you as far as what strengths you really do possess, but half the time you don't even recognize it because you really truly think it's something completely different from what they say. I never realized this until a few years ago, but explaining it is a whole different topic. lol

But, of course, that is what separates the "good" players from the so-so players...and this applies to everything in life. A person who does something because she needs praise won't go far. Being "good" at sports (or anything) requires internal motivation.
This is TRUE. But again, where in my statement does it say anything about "I won't work my butt off if..." It says it's HARDER. Is that not true? Isn't it EASIER for you to keep busting your butt when you can actually see results from it? When players outwork and outperform others and still sit on the bench anyway - I don't think it's much of stretch to see why it would be HARDER for them to keep that up. Not that they shouldn't or not that a good player wouldn't, but the fact is, a coach can make it more difficult for a player to push themselves to the limit when it doesn't look like it will pay off short OR long term.
 
May 5, 2008
358
16
Wow - some very, very interesting comments and feedback. It's funny how you don't realize the way some people will take what you've written because you mean it so clearly one way and they see it a completely different way. So it's pretty cool to see some of the responses here.

First of all, I can't stand entitlement mentality any more than those of you here who've said you don't like it. However, this applies not only to players but to coaches as well.

I get SoftSocDad's point about this one...Is it up to the player to decide what should or should not happen at the practice? Players want to do drills that they like (i.e., bat) but not the ones that are helpful (e.g., running up sand dunes in the rain).
No, it is NOT the player's job to decide what's done in practice. I firmly believe that each player should be striving for their best and for excellence all the time. Not just when they feel like it. HOWEVER, this doesn't make it less frustrating when you're standing on the field for two hours shagging balls while just one person hits and when you spend half your time waiting around for the coach to get organized and figure out what's happening next in practice. Nor does it make much sense in that situation to have a coach tell you you should be putting in extra time by coming early and staying late when the time the coaches have DURING practice is horribly mismanaged.

Not all adults I’ve seen deserve my respect so my trust and respect are not something you get “just because” you’re supposed to.
I gotta go with SoftSoc on this. Players should start off respecting the coaches. The coaches might lose the respect, but the default starting point is that the players should respect the coaches.
Hmmm...read me the part I wrote again that says anything about not starting with respect? I don't see anywhere in that statement were it said, "You have to earn my respect, you don't get it from the start." That's not said anywhere at all. Some coaches feel like players should respect them no matter what simply because they are THE COACH. The point in that statement was to make the point to coaches that you do not just get respect from all players all the time "just because" of your title. Leadership is ACTION not POSITION!

While I DO agree that kids should give elders the benefit of the doubt from the start and give them respect to begin with, I can also understand why some don't. Have you ever really stopped to see some of the situations some of these players are surrounded by their entire lives growing up? We've had girls come through our teams as teenagers and when you get to know what they've been living through for years, it's not at all hard to see why they are a tad defiant to begin with vs simply trusting and respecting every adult that comes into their lives. The ones closest to them honest to goodness are NOT respectable people! Just looking at kids from those types of situations and having this idea in your head as a coach that, "This kid is awful. She should just respect me from the get go." is NOT an approach that's going to get you very far with that girl at all. One things I've learned about these tougher kids/cases that come from these backgrounds, if you leave your mind open to understand that there may be a reason for the immediate defiance, you can usually work through that pretty quickly and gain a very loyal player. That's not always the case. Sometimes these kids are more troubled that we are equipped to handle as softball coaches, but I think having a close minded "everyone should respect me" attitude, while I agree they "should" isn't going to make you as effective as you could be as a coach.

I know I make mistakes and I appreciate it when you acknowledge that you do too.
I'm not sure where this is going...Is this that a coach should acknowledge that she is human? Or that the coach should take responsibility for a loss?
I think someone addressed this issue pretty well. Players will respect you more when you too can accept responsibility for the mistakes you make on the field. There are times when a coach obviously goofs and instead of saying that, they start blaming other things or give "reasons" why it wasn't their fault things didn't work out even though outcome was a direct result of a decision they made. Some coaches will point fingers at players each and every day, yet can't ever admit that maybe they should have made a different choice. These coaches don't realize they are HURTING their own credibility with their team by doing this. Again, they will have so much more of a response and impact on their players if they can also take ownership of some of the choices they made that didn't work out. Not only that, it gives the girls a first hand example of how they can better handle, move on from, and grow from their mistakes and shortcomings.

My main problem is that "excuse" and "reason" are almost synonymous.
Really? I honestly don't know what to say to that. In my book excuses and reasons are VERY different from each other. In the statement You’re my coach. If I’m not allowed to have “excuses” neither are you. I don’t want to hear your excuses any more than you want to hear mine. Coach is obviously quick to point out "excuses" players give and don't have a problem calling them on it, so why then, do we think it would be difficult for players to make the same distinction? Another thing I've learned and seen over the years, many players are smarter and more perceptive than their coaches give them credit for. Again, when you don't realize that and think you can get away with giving players BS excuses that don't actually jive with your actions in the same situations at other times, you are hurting your own credibility and trust your players have in you.

What you think you’re good at is not what you’re good at. Ask me, and I’ll tell you what you do better than anyone else.
Perhaps a 20 YOA player might be able to tell a coach what the coach does well. I'm not sure the same can be said for an 8U rec player.
I'll agree with you on the 8U rec player. She probably can't quite make as complete an assessment. HOWEVER, if you listen carefully, 8U players say some interesting things that give you good feedback as a coach. Don't dismiss their observations or thoughts just because their 8, especially if that's an age you're going to be working with. You have to understand how to bring out their best too. Sometimes they give you hints to that if you pay attention.

As far as needing to be 20, that's a bit on the older side. I distinctly remember being able to identify, that, "Hey, this coach is great at this, but could be better at _______ ." Even in talking with my girls as they grow up in this game, my 12yo makes some very perceptive observations and if coaches were willing to listen to what their players had to say, they'd be able to make very simple adjustments that could make them significantly better coaches. Another thing I've learned as an adult is that, typically what you think your strength is, is not really your strength. Most times, other people are able to hit the nail on the head for you as far as what strengths you really do possess, but half the time you don't even recognize it because you really truly think it's something completely different from what they say. I never realized this until a few years ago, but explaining it is a whole different topic. lol

But, of course, that is what separates the "good" players from the so-so players...and this applies to everything in life. A person who does something because she needs praise won't go far. Being "good" at sports (or anything) requires internal motivation.
This is TRUE. But again, where in my statement does it say anything about "I won't work my butt off if..." It says it's HARDER. Is that not true? Isn't it EASIER for you to keep busting your butt when you can actually see results from it? When players outwork and outperform others and still sit on the bench anyway - I don't think it's much of stretch to see why it would be HARDER for them to keep that up. Not that they shouldn't or not that a good player wouldn't, but the fact is, a coach can make it more difficult for a player to push themselves to the limit when it doesn't look like it will pay off short OR long term.
 
May 5, 2008
358
16
continued...

I understand that you like players who work hard. Heck I appreciate those types of players as a teammate, but it’s annoying when you favor players who don’t deserve it.
The people who get the rewards are those who perform during the game, not those who work the hardest off the field. There is usually a correlation between the amount of work and the performance during the game, but not always. Sorry, but that is the way it is.

And, if you think a competitive coach is going to bench her best player because she takes it easy in practice, you're crazy.
Now you're assuming that the coach is favoring players that are performing well. No where in my statement does it say that. It says "it's annoying when you favor players who don't deserve it." This means, not only do they not deserve it for effort reasons, but usually for other reasons too. Also - if you're a coach who allows your best player to slack in practice on a regular basis......what was it that was said about "entitlement complex" earlier? I also think some coaches have a very strange definition of "best" player. Just because a player can outhit anyone else on the team, doesn't mean she HAS to be in the lineup. There ARE some players who's OVERALL effect is NOT positive, even if she CAN hit farther than everyone else.

IMHO, I do NOT believe that skills ALWAYS override or outweigh any and all negative impact a particular player has on a team. One single person doing something way better than the rest of the team is NOT always better than an entire team performing at a higher level.

Help me believe that my best IS good enough and this will be an amazing experience for both of us.
In other words, lie to some of the players. The unfortunate reality of sports is that some players are *not* good enough and never will be.
I didn't specify what I meant by "good enough" here so I can see how it can be understood differently from what I intended. You're right. Not all players are good enough to be a great softball player, or play on a certain team or at a particular level, no matter how much of themselves they give. But I was thinking more along the lines of self worth.

I do not believe that a person's worth is tied to scoreboards, stats, making a particular team, or playing at a particular level. I believe that a player, who gives everything they have has so much more to be proud of and so much more going for them, than one who might perform better but isn't living/playing/giving even a fraction of what they could.

If, as a coach, I choose a person to be on my team, their best, whatever it may be on that particular day, is all I can ask for. That is "good enough." Maybe not good enough for the win that day. Maybe not even good enough to start on that day, but to demand that a player give more than what she is capable of is silly and futile for us both.

So whatever you got, you give it all, and that IS "enough" and is reason to be proud of WHO YOU ARE as a person despite what you may or may not actually accomplish in this game or in any other particular area of life. Learning that giving your best all the time makes you an awesome person (maybe not softball player) gives you the foundation you need to find your place and truly be excellent, accomplishment-wise, in the area YOU were meant to be great at.

I'm not at all saying lie to players and tell them they are good when they are not. I was trying to make the point that, as coaches, we can give them the gift of knowing their self worth is not tied to the scoreboard or their stats, but to how they live and how they carry themselves. As coaches we have the possibility of giving the players we work with the boost to keeping moving forward (maybe not always in softball) and find that spot meant just for them where they can continue giving their best and truly excel.

As a coach of teenagers, I often see players continue playing because someone else wants them to and it always touches my heart so deeply, when those 15/16yo are able to come by and say, "Coach, I'm not playing this season. Softball is not for me. I'm pursuing _______ instead" and you can just tell that this new thing lights up their world as much as softball does for us.

As a parent, THAT is what I want for my kids more than I want them to play softball. I want them to find that piece of this world that is theirs, that energizes them, that has them bursting at the seams to do. When I see former players take some of the "life skills" they learned on the field with us and apply it to what they were really meant to be doing...it's SO awesome. There are full grown adults who can't even figure out what it is they really want to be doing with their time! They stay in situations they don't really want to be in because other people think they should be there and they remain miserable and grumpy and unhappy for years in a place they don't even want to be.

Any time I see a teenager able to breakthrough and figure out something full grown adults have trouble grasping, I'm always so happy for them and impressed with their courage to take that step and make a positive change in their lives even when other people close to them don't fully agree or understand.

But what if we, as coaches, never acknowledged their attitude, effort, and push toward being their best on the field because they weren't "good enough?" What if all we did was flat out tell them, you stink, you'll never be a good softball player I don't care how hard you practice...you just don't cut it? What if we helped destroy any last piece of confidence they had as a person because we didn't stop to acknowledge that they way they trained was "awesome" even if their actual softball skill performance was below par? Would they even have enough left to try something new?

We have a chance to impact, not only the great players that come our way, but the average or even not so great ones as well. I had a player who came to me with concerns and thoughts of quitting one season. We talked about her very valid concerns and I honestly shared with her where and how I saw her helping our team most (not a starting role having to deal directly with her skills, but definitely had to do with her attitude and her effort and the positivity she shared with her teammates).

She didn't quit. She stayed with us the whole season (thank goodness). She knew I understood where she was coming from. She understood why I probably wouldn't play her much. Then our starter got hurt and her backup didn't pan out as well as most people thought she should. That opened the door for this player who had thought about quitting...this player who many on the team started off not really wanting to do much in game situations...this player ended up filling a starting role and being a player her teammates counted on during POST season.

Then the next year, she had to play for someone else who more or less ignored her because skill wise she was probably toward the bottom of the team. Not far into the season she decided to stop playing softball and go another direction, but it was a direction she had great passion for and is still completely committed to. She actually told our staff that the reason she didn't quit with us was because she knew if she worked hard, she had a chance. With this other coaches, even though he never verbalized it, she pretty much got the message that no matter how hard she tried or how hard she worked, she just wasn't good enough and it really didn't matter. She would probably never see playing time.

With one staff she got the message that her best was "good enough" that she DID have something to contribute to the team even if it's not first team softball skills and that we needed something she was able to give.

With the other staff, though it was never directly said, the message she got loud and clear from them was, "The unfortunate reality of sports is that some players are *not* good enough and never will be" and that she was one of those players. VERY DIFFERENT SOFTBALL RESULTS for her between the two!

Now I know our staff wasn't the only, or even biggest, reason she had the courage to look for and find a better direction, purpose, and use of her time. She obviously did most of that on her own because she was a bright kid with a great heart and a positive mind, but I like to think that we did help contribute in some small way to the foundation laid for the success and fulfillment she's currently enjoying in life even though she found it off the field.

Anyway, thanks again for all the feedback and responses. Gives me a chance to learn too! This ended up way longer than I meant, so thanks if you're still reading. :)
 
May 5, 2008
358
16
continued...

I understand that you like players who work hard. Heck I appreciate those types of players as a teammate, but it’s annoying when you favor players who don’t deserve it.
The people who get the rewards are those who perform during the game, not those who work the hardest off the field. There is usually a correlation between the amount of work and the performance during the game, but not always. Sorry, but that is the way it is.

And, if you think a competitive coach is going to bench her best player because she takes it easy in practice, you're crazy.
Now you're assuming that the coach is favoring players that are performing well. No where in my statement does it say that. It says "it's annoying when you favor players who don't deserve it." This means, not only do they not deserve it for effort reasons, but usually for other reasons too. Also - if you're a coach who allows your best player to slack in practice on a regular basis......what was it that was said about "entitlement complex" earlier? I also think some coaches have a very strange definition of "best" player. Just because a player can outhit anyone else on the team, doesn't mean she HAS to be in the lineup. There ARE some players who's OVERALL effect is NOT positive, even if she CAN hit farther than everyone else.

IMHO, I do NOT believe that skills ALWAYS override or outweigh any and all negative impact a particular player has on a team. One single person doing something way better than the rest of the team is NOT always better than an entire team performing at a higher level.

Help me believe that my best IS good enough and this will be an amazing experience for both of us.
In other words, lie to some of the players. The unfortunate reality of sports is that some players are *not* good enough and never will be.
I didn't specify what I meant by "good enough" here so I can see how it can be understood differently from what I intended. You're right. Not all players are good enough to be a great softball player, or play on a certain team or at a particular level, no matter how much of themselves they give. But I was thinking more along the lines of self worth.

I do not believe that a person's worth is tied to scoreboards, stats, making a particular team, or playing at a particular level. I believe that a player, who gives everything they have has so much more to be proud of and so much more going for them, than one who might perform better but isn't living/playing/giving even a fraction of what they could.

If, as a coach, I choose a person to be on my team, their best, whatever it may be on that particular day, is all I can ask for. That is "good enough." Maybe not good enough for the win that day. Maybe not even good enough to start on that day, but to demand that a player give more than what she is capable of is silly and futile for us both.

So whatever you got, you give it all, and that IS "enough" and is reason to be proud of WHO YOU ARE as a person despite what you may or may not actually accomplish in this game or in any other particular area of life. Learning that giving your best all the time makes you an awesome person (maybe not softball player) gives you the foundation you need to find your place and truly be excellent, accomplishment-wise, in the area YOU were meant to be great at.

I'm not at all saying lie to players and tell them they are good when they are not. I was trying to make the point that, as coaches, we can give them the gift of knowing their self worth is not tied to the scoreboard or their stats, but to how they live and how they carry themselves. As coaches we have the possibility of giving the players we work with the boost to keeping moving forward (maybe not always in softball) and find that spot meant just for them where they can continue giving their best and truly excel.

As a coach of teenagers, I often see players continue playing because someone else wants them to and it always touches my heart so deeply, when those 15/16yo are able to come by and say, "Coach, I'm not playing this season. Softball is not for me. I'm pursuing _______ instead" and you can just tell that this new thing lights up their world as much as softball does for us.

As a parent, THAT is what I want for my kids more than I want them to play softball. I want them to find that piece of this world that is theirs, that energizes them, that has them bursting at the seams to do. When I see former players take some of the "life skills" they learned on the field with us and apply it to what they were really meant to be doing...it's SO awesome. There are full grown adults who can't even figure out what it is they really want to be doing with their time! They stay in situations they don't really want to be in because other people think they should be there and they remain miserable and grumpy and unhappy for years in a place they don't even want to be.

Any time I see a teenager able to breakthrough and figure out something full grown adults have trouble grasping, I'm always so happy for them and impressed with their courage to take that step and make a positive change in their lives even when other people close to them don't fully agree or understand.

But what if we, as coaches, never acknowledged their attitude, effort, and push toward being their best on the field because they weren't "good enough?" What if all we did was flat out tell them, you stink, you'll never be a good softball player I don't care how hard you practice...you just don't cut it? What if we helped destroy any last piece of confidence they had as a person because we didn't stop to acknowledge that they way they trained was "awesome" even if their actual softball skill performance was below par? Would they even have enough left to try something new?

We have a chance to impact, not only the great players that come our way, but the average or even not so great ones as well. I had a player who came to me with concerns and thoughts of quitting one season. We talked about her very valid concerns and I honestly shared with her where and how I saw her helping our team most (not a starting role having to deal directly with her skills, but definitely had to do with her attitude and her effort and the positivity she shared with her teammates).

She didn't quit. She stayed with us the whole season (thank goodness). She knew I understood where she was coming from. She understood why I probably wouldn't play her much. Then our starter got hurt and her backup didn't pan out as well as most people thought she should. That opened the door for this player who had thought about quitting...this player who many on the team started off not really wanting to do much in game situations...this player ended up filling a starting role and being a player her teammates counted on during POST season.

Then the next year, she had to play for someone else who more or less ignored her because skill wise she was probably toward the bottom of the team. Not far into the season she decided to stop playing softball and go another direction, but it was a direction she had great passion for and is still completely committed to. She actually told our staff that the reason she didn't quit with us was because she knew if she worked hard, she had a chance. With this other coaches, even though he never verbalized it, she pretty much got the message that no matter how hard she tried or how hard she worked, she just wasn't good enough and it really didn't matter. She would probably never see playing time.

With one staff she got the message that her best was "good enough" that she DID have something to contribute to the team even if it's not first team softball skills and that we needed something she was able to give.

With the other staff, though it was never directly said, the message she got loud and clear from them was, "The unfortunate reality of sports is that some players are *not* good enough and never will be" and that she was one of those players. VERY DIFFERENT SOFTBALL RESULTS for her between the two!

Now I know our staff wasn't the only, or even biggest, reason she had the courage to look for and find a better direction, purpose, and use of her time. She obviously did most of that on her own because she was a bright kid with a great heart and a positive mind, but I like to think that we did help contribute in some small way to the foundation laid for the success and fulfillment she's currently enjoying in life even though she found it off the field.

Anyway, thanks again for all the feedback and responses. Gives me a chance to learn too! This ended up way longer than I meant, so thanks if you're still reading. :)
 

sluggers

Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
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Dallas, Texas
In my book excuses and reasons are VERY different from each other

In that case, perhaps you should add a dictionary to your book collection. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary says that "reason" is a synonym for "excuse".
 
Last edited:

Greenmonsters

Wannabe Duck Boat Owner
Feb 21, 2009
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New England
In that case, perhaps you should add a dictionary to your book collection. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary says that "reason" is a synonym for "excuse".

Reason me, but I believe the excuse that most good players are good is because they practice.

IMO, it doesn't work so good
 
Nov 29, 2009
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My thought process as a newbie to the coaching scene: you can break them down but explain why and have a plan (to present them) to build them up

Dena,

As a player I'm sure you've made your share of mistakes. That's how we all learn. What I've found over the years with young girls is they don't mind being told what they did wrong so long as it's followed with how to fix it or a better way to do it so they understand what they don't want to do. You can't berate them. You'll lose them instantly.

If one of the girls makes a mistake I'll stop and point it out to the team so they can learn from their teammate's mistake. Conversely, I'll do the same thing when one of them does something right. It has to be done the right way so the girl doesn't feel like she is being singled out but her mistake is. It saves a lot of time rather than trying to teach the same thing 10 or 12 times.
 

sluggers

Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
7,132
113
Dallas, Texas
greenm: Don't get me going about definitions and words...it is what I do for a living. I am a cunning...oh well, no need to bring up that old joke.
 

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