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The "Hissy-Quit"

Dec 2, 2013
982
43
Texas
She took the ACT last year as a freshman with NO prep whatsoever and scored a 24. In GA, they do Geometry as freshmen and Algebra II as sophomores, so she had not had any trig or Algebra II. She scored a 27 in English, but only a 20 in Math. I think I'll have her take it again in February.
Yeah. Once that Algebra II knowledge kicks in betta watch out! If you can, spend the money on a test prep tutor. One on one that holds her accountable. That investment alone can be worth $100,000. DD's former teammate got a 34, had a tutor and is now playing at UPenn...but Ivies don't give ya money unless your FAFSA says so! That is also true with the Little Ivies (NESCAC). Just so ya know.
 
May 6, 2015
1,024
63
Hmmm, I think I understand your position in all of this... I'm also pretty sure that you're going to have to grow out of it if you want to continue in higher and higher level softball. You've got to understand your role as parent diminishes to *nothing* as this progresses. The better the team (aka nationally ranked, aiming for pgf (or other national championship), the faster your progression to nothingness..

My DD went from a podunk (?) regionally ok 12u team to one of the bigs. These organizations run with NO transparancy. No communications with parents.. In fact, many indicate from the beginning if you (the parent) come to discuss playing time, please use this same opportunity to find a new team. Players are encouraged to handle all communications with the coaches,

I spent some really dark times agonizing over what to do when DD's role had diminished... Since we're both SoCal, I've even reached out to @Eric F who I don't know, to discuss. I only really became happy after truly buying into the process and acknowledging that coaches will play the best players, they want and need to win. DD started the season sharing catching time 1/3 between the 3 catchers. Worst point was a January tournament, no catching, no field time, no batting. I said to myself screw it... Really embraced the "don't be bitter, just get better" attitude. Started an intense focus on hitting, getting 3+ lessons a week in addition to working with me. She slowly started climbing back up the order.

From April or so onwards, she was batting 5th, never missed an AB on a roster of 17, starting RF and had an amazing experience overall. Wouldn't trade it for anything!

These ups and more important downs are real life learning lessons. Climbing up and out of a hole is much more important that having success all of the time. Just my .02cents
this was a C level team, good C level only because they had 2 legitimate B level pitchers. there was no "need to win" other than for coaches ego. yes, winning is fun and everyone likes to win, but 12 u coach that feels they "need to win" needs to get out of youth sports, period. they should be concerned with putting the girls in position to succeed, all the girls (this is not HS or college). if you feel you cannot do that with a player, don't select them, but once you do, unless there are extenuating circumstances, you damn well better develop them.

and it was not about playing the best players, because if you looked at everything they bring to the table, DD clearly outplayed the other C. other C had slightly stronger arm, but DD has much faster release, better hitter, far better baserunner, and better overall head for the game (example other C behind late, PB gets ump in the jewels, she retrieves ball, all the coaches are yelling at her to walk it to circle and talk to P, she just gives dumb look, wings it back, gets in stance).

and any org that runs with no communication to 12u parents I would not touch if they guaranteed DD a full ride to Harvard for DD,, her sister, and all her friends. these are 12 yo girls. but of course that is the type of organization that only takes the girls that are more developed (physically, emotionally, and skill wise) anyway. wise up, orgs like that dont develop players, they seek them out and obtain them, yes they field great teams, but they did not develop them. otherwise they would be filling their 12u team with their 10u players moving up.



really dont care what "level" of softball DD acheives, want her to have fun primarily. being mistreated does not equate to fun.
 
May 7, 2015
106
28
SoCal
Ok, you are the customer (paying parent).. If you don't like the product (team) move along and do so without the dreaded hissy quit.

You are free to have whatever expectations you have. I think a few here have politely tried to point you in the right direction, myself included. I can't vouch for your team, area, DD's ability, etc so we are just keyboard warriors trying to help.

Regarding your 3rd paragraph, this is where you are completely wrong. These orgs throw EVERYTHING they have to develop players on the field and OFF! They don't want mommy and daddy fighting their battles, don't want them carrying their bags, bringing them snacks during games, or giving them tips every at bat/defensive situation/etc... My DD was taken by a team purely because of her potential and was developed into the player that she is. She was one of only 2 girls out of 17 to come from outside the organization, in our experience our ORG did not go shopping for the best. Shortly after joining this year, her catching coach linked her up with an OU commit senior to be her weekly bullpen catcher just to get her better and comfortable with high level pitching, DD is 12. When the catching coach is not available to coach because of sparkler, pgf, etc, she got the starting Washington catcher to fill in. Same with batting lessons.. if her batting coach is not available, current team USA member and UofA All Pac-12 player fills in. Head coach-HOF at UofA. Assistant coach, frmr Team USA, Utrip Pride, UofA, all pac-12, etc.... Everyone is working impossibly hard to develop their teams and as parents we have to enjoy the ride, good times and bad.

anyway, sorry for the tanget, good luck with finding a good fit for you and your DD
 
Apr 16, 2010
819
28
Alabama
I would disagree with getting mad at this one ... if you are a “pick-up” or fill-in, you should have no expectations on playing time. You certainly shouldn’t expect time over the paying team members.

On the other hand, as the coach you should be respectful of the players’ and parents’ time that they have just given you.
I would agree at a local tourney but when you are asked to spend at least $2000 to travel to Cali to help after being asked I would definitely be mad.
 
May 29, 2015
762
63
I would agree at a local tourney but when you are asked to spend at least $2000 to travel to Cali to help after being asked I would definitely be mad.
I completely understand your point Rambler. I don’t necessarily disagree, but keep in mind the other kids’ families shelled out the same amount of time and money to travel PLUS paid their team fees. Now imagine you are that parent and some other kid who was brought in is playing while your daughter is sitting.

I suppose the key lesson learned is COMMUNICATION. If you are going to use a pick-up or be a pick-up, make sure the terms are completely understood by everybody ahead of time.
 
Jul 16, 2008
1,488
48
Oregon
Ok, you are the customer (paying parent).. If you don't like the product (team) move along and do so without the dreaded hissy quit.

You are free to have whatever expectations you have. I think a few here have politely tried to point you in the right direction, myself included. I can't vouch for your team, area, DD's ability, etc so we are just keyboard warriors trying to help.

Regarding your 3rd paragraph, this is where you are completely wrong. These orgs throw EVERYTHING they have to develop players on the field and OFF! They don't want mommy and daddy fighting their battles, don't want them carrying their bags, bringing them snacks during games, or giving them tips every at bat/defensive situation/etc... My DD was taken by a team purely because of her potential and was developed into the player that she is. She was one of only 2 girls out of 17 to come from outside the organization, in our experience our ORG did not go shopping for the best. Shortly after joining this year, her catching coach linked her up with an OU commit senior to be her weekly bullpen catcher just to get her better and comfortable with high level pitching, DD is 12. When the catching coach is not available to coach because of sparkler, pgf, etc, she got the starting Washington catcher to fill in. Same with batting lessons.. if her batting coach is not available, current team USA member and UofA All Pac-12 player fills in. Head coach-HOF at UofA. Assistant coach, frmr Team USA, Utrip Pride, UofA, all pac-12, etc.... Everyone is working impossibly hard to develop their teams and as parents we have to enjoy the ride, good times and bad.

anyway, sorry for the tanget, good luck with finding a good fit for you and your DD
Wee let's be honest here, 99.9% of the teams are not afforded that luxury to have these types people helping develop players.
 
Jul 16, 2008
1,488
48
Oregon
I completely understand your point Rambler. I don’t necessarily disagree, but keep in mind the other kids’ families shelled out the same amount of time and money to travel PLUS paid their team fees. Now imagine you are that parent and some other kid who was brought in is playing while your daughter is sitting.

I suppose the key lesson learned is COMMUNICATION. If you are going to use a pick-up or be a pick-up, make sure the terms are completely understood by everybody ahead of time.
Yes ^^^^ above. IMO there are two times to have pick up players, if a team needs a certain position player because the team member is hurt/gone/ whatever... or using some going to (insert name) Nationals just to get some experience and knowingly that playing time will be limited, in fact maybe only CR. In no way would I use a pick up player if there wasn't a need and sit team members (plays the same position as the pick up)
 
Dec 11, 2010
2,169
83
Last time I checked in on this post was page 7. I just read the whole thing.

I can’t tell you how many of these posts I can identify with. I have witnessed so many of these things happen. I have watched these situations play out. It took all I had to not quote so many of those posts.

Here’s my two cents

1) It’s a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll. Some rock musicians and softball players make their ascent to the “top of the heap” look easy. It wasn’t.

2) Parents must, and do, learn how to conduct themselves in 10 and 12u. It’s not easy. They will get it. It just takes time.

I’m not going to label this with a number because it is the most important. Don’t ever let your main goal become to “get recruited”. That’s where things can really go south. That’s all I’m going to say about that. You gotta fill in the blanks for your own situation on this one.

On a lighter note..... When dd was a 10u pitcher I demonstrated my only true athletic talent during a game. I can throw a fitted ball cap a surprising distance overhand with tight 9-3 spin and smoked a metal scoreboard with my favorite piece of spirit wear. CLANK!!!!!!!!!! People still kid me about it 8 years later, lol. Yeah it was embarrassing. I lived through it and somehow dd did too, lol
 
Last edited:
Jul 29, 2013
2,199
83
I’m not going to label this with a number because it is the most important. Don’t ever let your main goal become to “get recruited”. That’s where things can really go south. That’s all I’m going to say about that. You gotta fill in the blanks for your own situation on this one.
YES!!
I've been watching this one train wreck of a family throw mad money at this goal for a longggg time, and it ain't been pretty!
 
Dec 11, 2010
2,169
83
There is some saying about how humans have the ability to find the situation that is the absolute worst thing they can do.

I’m serious when I say that I think this stuff could lead to bankruptcy, family problems and divorce.

A really good thing can turn into a sickness.
 

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