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The "Hissy-Quit"

Oct 4, 2018
810
63
Its pretty nuts to hear how often these things happen. Parents seem to need a manual when joining a travel team or a coach to be up front on expectations- of course they have that option to make changes without notification. Seen this happen when we first joined a 14B team. After a few tournaments the coach would play my daughter and her friend in pool play and once bracket day came they would sit our girls in favor of guest players. Yes it annoyed me and I would watch the guest player miss plays/balls in the outfield while my daughter didnt. The problem was my daughter was going thru a batting slump and the guest was hitting. So for me it made since, we need hits so we can score.

My DD's friend who was on the team did ok in right field - missed a few and would get a hit once in a while. Bracket day comes and the girls are on the bench again. Mom talking and getting all fired up, tries to get my wife to join in. Well after the 1st bracket game that weekend the Mom had enough. After the game went to the post game Coach's talk, told her daughter to pack up and then told off the coach. They were done with this team. Of course we were annoyed but we were going to stick thru this.

The sad part of this thing is even today they still blame that coach for their daughters struggles while playing the game. They never mention the time he spent 1/1 with the girl to hit. Time spent that he could of been spending with his own daughter. Its very disappointing to see parents show their kids this way of thinking is ok- its always the coaches fault or teachers fault. Instead of lets practice at home or take lessons to get better so there is no chance they will sit you. Fight for your spot!
Our case exactly. We gave one girl extra time and attention. Found her an amazing hitting coach. Played her at many positions.

She just didn't improve.

They'll never talk to us coaches again. They blame us for their daughter's short-comings. And of course, they'll repeat this at every team she's ever on.
 
May 7, 2015
106
28
SoCal
coaching staff had no issues from myself or DW until Nationals, and even then we never yelled, made a scene, etc. we did call HC about 1/3 of the way into season, had a reasonable discussion, DD had not caught in a few games, but he explained that he could not trust other C in OF (believable), and injuries had us with no other subs for a few games. we accepted his explanation (but did ask that he explain this to DD, which he did). we knew we were leaving, we had our issues with the team, but we discussed them only with each other.

we just want honesty and transparency. we were after previous spring season and summer tryouts, HC calls us, tells us it is difficult, but that DD is welcome to come back, but might see less PT than she had the just ended season, and they would understand if we moved her to get more PT (which we did, but we still have a great relationship with that coach, whom DD loves to this day, even helped us find other teams). It is about honest and transparent communication, or lack thereof.
Hmmm, I think I understand your position in all of this... I'm also pretty sure that you're going to have to grow out of it if you want to continue in higher and higher level softball. You've got to understand your role as parent diminishes to *nothing* as this progresses. The better the team (aka nationally ranked, aiming for pgf (or other national championship), the faster your progression to nothingness..

My DD went from a podunk (?) regionally ok 12u team to one of the bigs. These organizations run with NO transparancy. No communications with parents.. In fact, many indicate from the beginning if you (the parent) come to discuss playing time, please use this same opportunity to find a new team. Players are encouraged to handle all communications with the coaches,

I spent some really dark times agonizing over what to do when DD's role had diminished... Since we're both SoCal, I've even reached out to @Eric F who I don't know, to discuss. I only really became happy after truly buying into the process and acknowledging that coaches will play the best players, they want and need to win. DD started the season sharing catching time 1/3 between the 3 catchers. Worst point was a January tournament, no catching, no field time, no batting. I said to myself screw it... Really embraced the "don't be bitter, just get better" attitude. Started an intense focus on hitting, getting 3+ lessons a week in addition to working with me. She slowly started climbing back up the order.

From April or so onwards, she was batting 5th, never missed an AB on a roster of 17, starting RF and had an amazing experience overall. Wouldn't trade it for anything!

These ups and more important downs are real life learning lessons. Climbing up and out of a hole is much more important that having success all of the time. Just my .02cents
 

pattar

Clueless..
Jun 8, 2016
3,586
113
Was this part of the relatively drama free season? :p

I kid. I once embarrassed myself greatly at an 8U rec game. Over a call. I quickly apologized sincerely to everyone and walked away. I think for me it had to happen once so I could learn never to do it again. Man, I'm still embarrassed over that one.
Well that wasn't drama induced by playing time but rather an idiot Dad who sits in LF expecting his 9 YO to make every play whose issues with authority caused him to berate a nice enough 20 something female umpire for no good reason.
 
Oct 4, 2018
810
63
The pick up issue is too complicated to have one rule across the board. Let's say you need a catcher for a tournament. You pick up a catcher who's also a big hitter. You hit her 9th or sub her even though she could help the team, which is what she's there to do? That makes no sense to me. I don't think pick ups should be used unless they are NEEDED. But if they are needed, use them! If DD was on a team that got a pick up with a huge bat, and my kid got bumped down the lineup, I'm cool with that.
You're a good parent. :)

My daughter wants to pick up some this season, and she and I are both comfortable with her hitting last and playing RF if that's what the coach says. We'll see how it goes, it's new to us both.
 
May 30, 2013
1,249
48
Binghamton, NY
in a flip-side scenario,
our team this summer found ourselves short-handed for a few showcases and/or tournaments.

We brought on guest players, and welcomed them warmly.
Coach even placed them at top of batting orders...

In this case, all rostered parents understood: if not for these guest players, we wouldn't be playing at all.
No one ever grumbled once.
 
Dec 2, 2013
982
43
Texas
We are 16U and that's where all the drama happened. Our HC picked up a COMMITTED catcher for CO when my DD (uncommitted) is the primary catcher for the team and there are backups. We had a pickup pitcher from NY come with us, but she was needed and uncommitted. She fit in great with the team. As a matter of fact, my DD is with her right now at the Headfirst Honor Roll Camp; we got to know the family so well that we trusted them to house our DD up there in NY.
Headfirst Honor Roll was the best overall run camp DD has EVER attended!! Didn't you say at one time that you wouldn't pay that much to send her to that camp? or was that another catcher mom? I hope she does great and Long Island was a pretty fun adventure for us.

I'll just share this. It's all about communication and sharing expectations. Our coach always had a team/parent meeting the day before we started play in Colorado. He stated that this tournament is for exposure and those uncommitted kids will get lots of playing time. As for the committed kids, they need to embrace that and help support the Uncommitted ones. The coach even sent out a spread sheet letting the players know which games they would be starting so they can share with the college coaches. Winning was secondary behind getting seen. As for bringing on committed players, that is a good thing. Guess what? Their college coach will come watch if they are in the area and other girls will be seen by said college coach. half full/half empty. Look for the silver lining in everything.
 
Aug 19, 2015
781
43
Atlanta, GA
Headfirst Honor Roll was the best overall run camp DD has EVER attended!! Didn't you say at one time that you wouldn't pay that much to send her to that camp? or was that another catcher mom? I hope she does great and Long Island was a pretty fun adventure for us.

I'll just share this. It's all about communication and sharing expectations. Our coach always had a team/parent meeting the day before we started play in Colorado. He stated that this tournament is for exposure and those uncommitted kids will get lots of playing time. As for the committed kids, they need to embrace that and help support the Uncommitted ones. The coach even sent out a spread sheet letting the players know which games they would be starting so they can share with the college coaches. Winning was secondary behind getting seen. As for bringing on committed players, that is a good thing. Guess what? Their college coach will come watch if they are in the area and other girls will be seen by said college coach. half full/half empty. Look for the silver lining in everything.
That's a good coach you have there. If I said that, I guess I changed my mind. Mainly because she had a family to host her and we didn't have to pay for one of us to fly and stay. Doesn't matter now because we are on another team next year. Significantly different (and much more professional/savvy) coaching style. We were naive last year, but we know better now.
 
Dec 2, 2013
982
43
Texas
That's a good coach you have there. If I said that, I guess I changed my mind. Mainly because she had a family to host her and we didn't have to pay for one of us to fly and stay. Doesn't matter now because we are on another team next year. Significantly different (and much more professional/savvy) coaching style. We were naive last year, but we know better now.
Hopefully the kind folks here on DFP have helped in the learning process. I first come on board here when my DD was in 7th grade and still played on an All Star team that I coached. We got 3rd Place out 10 teams(pretty hokey) at ASA Southern Nationals that summer and I thought that was a big deal...at least for an All Star Team. LOL. FF to this summer I was thrilled that we got 17th place out of 75 18U teams at TC Nationals to finish her TB career. Tell your DD to keep choppin' wood. I predict she will make some good contacts at the camp. Take the ACT/SAT early if she has not....and often. It makes a difference.
 
Aug 29, 2011
2,381
48
NorCal
Hopefully the kind folks here on DFP have helped in the learning process. I first come on board here when my DD was in 7th grade and still played on an All Star team that I coached. We got 3rd Place out 10 teams(pretty hokey) at ASA Southern Nationals that summer and I thought that was a big deal...at least for an All Star Team. LOL. FF to this summer I was thrilled that we got 17th place out of 75 18U teams at TC Nationals to finish her TB career. Tell your DD to keep choppin' wood. I predict she will make some good contacts at the camp. Take the ACT/SAT early if she has not....and often. It makes a difference.
I can't believe I've been on this site for 7 years or more when I saw a 2012 thread bumped that I'd posted in. Time flies. I think my avatar is still my 2nd daughter's 8U picture.
 
Aug 19, 2015
781
43
Atlanta, GA
Hopefully the kind folks here on DFP have helped in the learning process. I first come on board here when my DD was in 7th grade and still played on an All Star team that I coached. We got 3rd Place out 10 teams(pretty hokey) at ASA Southern Nationals that summer and I thought that was a big deal...at least for an All Star Team. LOL. FF to this summer I was thrilled that we got 17th place out of 75 18U teams at TC Nationals to finish her TB career. Tell your DD to keep choppin' wood. I predict she will make some good contacts at the camp. Take the ACT/SAT early if she has not....and often. It makes a difference.
She took the ACT last year as a freshman with NO prep whatsoever and scored a 24. In GA, they do Geometry as freshmen and Algebra II as sophomores, so she had not had any trig or Algebra II. She scored a 27 in English, but only a 20 in Math. I think I'll have her take it again in February.
 

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