The flute player

[heman1202]

Ahhh...
Can see the many views.....
Of how to raise children!

I find it interesting how many are on the side of the youngster who hasnt attended.
And yet not reflect on the others kids that have!

Another interesting point.
Seems there are league standards in place for equal playing time.
Yet no league standards on attendance.
Hmmmmm? Wonder what that might promote?

Locally there are many rec leagues families can choose.
Many families become aware of 'who's running which one'.
Some bring in clinics.
Some dont.
People become aware of where and why otjer families are picking which league.
Gossip/knowledge spreads.
These leagues compete against eachother.
Yes 8u is 8u.
When it is terrible in 8u.
And/or people see how coaches handle things...
They know going into 10u wether they want to stick around or not.

The growth of 10u travel ball is astonishing!!

Is there a more viable reason for it 10u travel to grow at that level ?

The teams in travel standards are set by the coach...

*please note i am note on either side of what the right decision is for the op kid scenario!

Bringing up discussion points that can be addressed and the fact remains...
There is a cause and affect no matter the decision to this situation.

*Everyone making this a great post!!

As far as addressing the kids that do show up.

I would simply explain to my daughter (like I do in other situations) that unfortunately we do not get to pick our parents and some kids are in worse situations than her so sometimes exceptions need to be made in order for those kids to be given a fair shot. She's a smart girl and can empathize with those kids.

Now if it were just plain favoritism that is a completely different conversation.

 

[_MIA_]

I would simply explain to my daughter (like I do in other situations) that unfortunately we do not get to pick our parents and some kids are in worse situations than her so sometimes exceptions need to be made in order for those kids to be given a fair shot. She's a smart girl and can empathize with those kids.

As you stated, this is called teaching a kid empathy...something many adults had as kids (often naturally I might add) but then lose as adults..... I will leave it at that...

 

[Lightning]

In all seriousness I agree with the idea of accountability but unless the OP specifically states that the kid didn't want to go to practice we have to assume the parent(s) were the ones who were lacking in the accountability department and the kid shouldn't be punished for that...

I agree. When my daughter was younger, I was the team mom for every team and spent a lot of time with the kids in the dugout. The 8U kids who were frequent no-shows were generally a heartbreaking lot. There was the kid whose mom had breast cancer, or kids whose parents had substance abuse problems. Most of them, though, were children whose divorced parents were using them as pawns in their custody battles. The thought of punishing any of these kids for their situations or their parents - I can't imagine.

 

[Lemond]

As far as addressing the kids that do show up.

I would simply explain to my daughter (like I do in other situations) that unfortunately we do not get to pick our parents and some kids are in worse situations than her so sometimes exceptions need to be made in order for those kids to be given a fair shot. She's a smart girl and can empathize with those kids.

Now if it were just plain favoritism that is a completely different conversation.

Be careful! Always remember that we do not know what we do not know!

A family can be in a situation that you have no idea about, and a comment to another kid about their parents (even a seemingly innocuous one) may illicit an attempted, purely well-intentioned, empathetic response between players that either a) should have been a family private matter, or b) is 100% incorrect. In either case, it can make a bad situation worse, especially for the kids on both sides.

Imagine that a kid tries to be honest and empathetic, and tells a teammate, who is a good kid, "Sorry, I wish you could have picked better parents." only to find that they have been late to or missing practices because a close family member has been very ill. This can force a private matter unwillingly out into the open. I saw it happen and it was VERY uncomfortable!

I try to explain to any kid that inquires (usually players other than my DD) that every family situation is different, and we are there to encourage our teammates in every way we can. So, for now, I need you to focus on whatever drill we're supposed to be working on, try hard, and have some fun. Most of the time, the focus of the initial inquiry is gone within minutes anyway.

 

[Westwind]

I draw on the wisdom of Coach Casey Smith, one of the TOP USSSA baseball coaches in Texas when I say this......

You don’t need a license to drive. 8 year olds have to show some initiative.

#beelite

 

[Westwind]

The 8U kids who were frequent no-shows were generally a heartbreaking lot. There was the kid whose mom had breast cancer, or kids whose parents had substance abuse problems. Most of them, though, were children whose divorced parents were using them as pawns in their custody battles. The thought of punishing any of these kids for their situations or their parents - I can't imagine.

Eons ago I was a rec coach and saw way too much of this.

It was heartbreaking. Some of these kids broke the cycle due to friends with good parents and community. Most didn’t.

This is the true and deeper value of sports most don’t recognize.

 

[The Man In Blue]

Feels as if we are making progress here ...

Yes, rec is recreational, but, like any activity for our children, it should teach the life lessons we all need as well.

However, in my experiences, the coaches wanting to bench these players were not doing it for the right reasons. They were looking for excuses to not play lesser players. Oddly enough, it was always the same coaches every year. Not sure how they always seemed to end up with two or three of these kids every season. When Missing MiMi turned out to be Massive Bat MiMi, the conversation never came up.

Looking back now, I think I could have done better had the right arguments been made. I didn’t disagree with the point. However the underlying motives totally pulled the rug out for me. Those coaches never came to me and said “How can I get this kid to show up?” They only said “I don’t want to have to play this kid.”

So what is the answer? I struggled with it for almost 10 years as a rec director. My great failing as said director was I felt I was always battling and always putting fires out. I couldn’t find the people I needed around me to help reach solutions. I couldn’t find the space needed for clarity.

 

[Westwind]

Funny you mention Missing Mimi turning into Massive Bat Mimi.

Saw that exact thing play out. Kid never put a bat on the ball until the last game of the rec season. This was 8-10 year olds. She turned into a very dangerous hitter by high school.

Rec at young ages has to be equal playing time. I don’t care what sport. You have to develop players. Lots of them. We keep trying to develop 8 year old superstars but what happens when those superstars quit getting better? What happens when the bigger boned kid turns into a speedster in a few years? What happens when that “three sport athlete” destroys her body to the point where she plays ALL her varsity sports as a freshman and sophomore and can’t finish her last two years of any sport?

Our high school is mired in mediocrity for more reasons than I can list but a big part of it is an overemphasis on creating superstars at a young age at the expense of creating teams. It all starts in rec.

So... even bigger picture: You have to develop COACHES. If you develop coaches, you develop players.

 

[_MIA_]

Rec at young ages has to be equal playing time.

I coached my DD in rec basketball and would go into every game with a chart telling me when every kid would play so they would get equal playing time. I had to do that otherwise I would get caught up in the game and forget who had played and who hadn't. Now I won't say that I didn't make sure that my best players were playing in the 4th quarter but everybody got equal time

 

[heman1202]

Be careful! Always remember that we do not know what we do not know!

A family can be in a situation that you have no idea about, and a comment to another kid about their parents (even a seemingly innocuous one) may illicit an attempted, purely well-intentioned, empathetic response between players that either a) should have been a family private matter, or b) is 100% incorrect. In either case, it can make a bad situation worse, especially for the kids on both sides.

Imagine that a kid tries to be honest and empathetic, and tells a teammate, who is a good kid, "Sorry, I wish you could have picked better parents." only to find that they have been late to or missing practices because a close family member has been very ill. This can force a private matter unwillingly out into the open. I saw it happen and it was VERY uncomfortable!

I try to explain to any kid that inquires (usually players other than my DD) that every family situation is different, and we are there to encourage our teammates in every way we can. So, for now, I need you to focus on whatever drill we're supposed to be working on, try hard, and have some fun. Most of the time, the focus of the initial inquiry is gone within minutes anyway.

Yeah I hear you and feel like I should clarify. I wouldn't actually say that part to my child. Kids are pretty smart and can come to those conclusions on their own. The good kids have empathy (quietly or actively supporting), the few not so good kids use it as a means to make fun. As a coach I have seen both. I digress.

I agree with everything you stated.