The appeal of a "non-parent" coach

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Cannonball

Ex "Expert"
Feb 25, 2009
4,854
113
RH, thanks for the laugh this morning.

I think that it is hard to generalize whether a parent/coach or a non parent/coach are better. It depends upon the skill set of the parent and non parent coach. My dd had some great coaches growing up. One was a HC of a team where I was the AC and he was just what my dd needed. He had a dd on the team and yet didn't show any favoritism. He didn't have a set lineup nor did players have positions. When it became time to make the change in 12U, he did and did so fairly. The next year, my dd made the move to a non parent coach. (She was 2nd year 12U) and that went well. I know we all have seen the opposite as well where either parent coaches or non parent coaches ruin the game for players.
 
Nov 29, 2009
2,975
83
I coached teams from 10U to 16U with no kid on the team. When I was coaching a team I would not socialize with any of the parents on the team. No hanging out with them. No seeing any of the parents outside of softball activities. If any interaction was done with the parents it was in a group situation. Even with taking all those precautions I would still get the occasional "Favorites" complaint. It's human nature for patents to see things as being unfair if their child is not being featured.
 
Jan 5, 2018
385
63
PNW
Parents do what they think is right for their kids - right or wrong. They think non-parent means 'no-daddy ball' and less favoritism - but really actual daddy ball is just a symptom of poor coaching capabilities and the fact they have a kid on the team normally doesn't mean a whole lot overall. And age division doesn't mean a whole lot either - some of the best 18U teams in the country are coached by parent coaches - and some are not.

In the end, a good coach is a good coach - but coaching is like everything else a learned skill combined with experience and a certain level of natural talent or affinity for it.

Our org has a lot of ex-players coaching many of our teams - however when they start coaching for the first time out of college in our org we always pair either them up with a strong experienced assistant coach or have them start as an assistant coach (normally a parent). We do it because they need the experience and buffer so they have room to learn - and because it makes it easier to deal with parent issues by having someone expereinced or of the same peer age to the parents (i.e. the 23yr old fresh out of college is likely to have parents on the team who quite rightly consider her a kid still and will manipulate and bully her). After a season or two, they start to see if it is for them and we let them lead - however a lot of them continue to have a parent AC or manager to help with logistics or parent BS.

The worst situation is 'non-parent coaches' but the team is actually shadow run by bully parents in the background.

I think these two statements are so spot on
 
May 24, 2013
12,461
113
So Cal
I would add one or two more questions. Is the coach actively working on becoming a better coach/ teacher? Does/ has he or she read books, attend clinics or use the internet to improve themselves and stay current?

I am not particularly fond of extremely overweigh, know it alls that yell a lot. I dont care what school their DD went to.

At the age and level the OP is talking about, whether or not the coach is actively educating themselves is not a primary concern to me.

I prefer to judge coaches by the skills they teach and the environment they create, rather than by their body size.
 
May 16, 2016
1,024
113
Illinois
At the age and level the OP is talking about, whether or not the coach is actively educating themselves is not a primary concern to me.

I prefer to judge coaches by the skills they teach and the environment they create, rather than by their body size.

IMO, the environment that a coach creates is the biggest difference between a good coach and an average coach.
 
Nov 21, 2018
4
3
Influence and politics are everywhere... Does the non-parent coach get reimbursed? If so, who pays them? If it's the organization, who on the team is involved with the organization or team? If not paid... Who names the coaches? Politics are everywhere... Parent coach, and non-parent coach teams... Everywhere.
 
Feb 20, 2019
109
28
Thanks for all the responses and confirmation of my beliefs. I've had all these same thoughts and had similar experiences with my older daughter, who played for a parent-coach through 14U. He was as fair as any coach, but the best players on the team always get a little favoritism, relative or not. I coach my team the same way and had zero complaints from the parents (but I had a really great group of parents). If anything, my daughter has suffered the most because I've spent less time with her this season, as I focused my attention on those who needed the most instruction. The goal is to make every player better and the team will benefit.

I attended a few practices of one of the coaches I referenced in my OP. He was a little too hard on the girls, IMO, yelling at them and making them do pushups when they made a mistake. But, he was especially hard on his daughter, so much so that I actually felt sorry for her.

While I think these parents believe the non-parent coach will be more fair, I really think they are just looking for a change and that's the one unique aspect this coach/team brings that they haven't tried. The parents are too inexperienced to realize the cons.
 
May 11, 2018
91
18
i have had to deal with a group of dads controlling the whole town org and it was a mess for girls with talent who just quit. their daughters were pitchers, and the whole infield. if you were lucky your kid might get 1 inning pitching and a little outfield. lots of talented girls quit softball. i took my DD to a non parent coached division A team very young college players coaching 12U they sucked at coaching but things appeared merit based and my DD developed into a much better player. I then moved her after 2 years to another non parent coached org with very experienced coaches and she is having a blast but it does cost more. As i told another softball parent asking my advice, i said show me a parent coached team that the coaches kids play the outfield and i might consider the team for my DD.
 
Aug 2, 2019
343
63
Like others have said, it's the implication of fairness. DD was held back a little by this in the summer. Lots of parent/coaches in the dugout. DD either lead or was second in every hitting category, but was stuck way down the lineup. DD was the obvious choice for a position that became occupied by a coach's DD. Worst part was, the coach's kid was better at the position they moved my DD to, so they weakened the infield at two spots. I suppose the idea was they were trying to develop their core group, while DD would be aging out. They had already decided what players were going to play what positions prior to the start of the season.
In the fall she moved up to a team that still has several parent coaches in the dugout, but everything is completely merit based. If you earn it, it's yours. DD figured that out when she earned her spot in the bottom of the order. As soon as she turned a corner, she was back in the middle of the order, hitting above two coach's DDs.

The point is, a perfect meritocracy doesn't exist, but a reasonable facsimile can be achieved either with, or without a non-parent coach. That said, I couldn't tell you how to evaluate the situation before you're in it.
 

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