Team is a vehicle for coach's daughter, not much more.

[Agbracing]

I'm sure this has been covered ad nauseum. Nevertheless, first year 12U team. Coach basically thinks her daughter is Cal Ripken in an 11 year old girl's body. She is not. And that is fine.

The issue is the team appears to be nothing more than a vessel to promote Coach's DD and to feed the coach herself's ego. There is so much to this i don't have the time or bandwidth to probably do it justice.

I know, there are those here who contend, Coach's daughters are usually the best. She isn't. Her mom (what she is called during practice, not coach) wouldn't know it.

I know this is subjective, but when do you decide to walk? This team has issues, most do. But, it is much more than a vehicle to promote one player.

Am I frustrated? Yeah. Anyone been here before and advice appreciated.

Having been through this like most parents I don’t have much to add. In 12u I would decide if your DD is getting better and being treated like the other players. If outside of this issue everything else is good then there could still be good come out of the situation short term. Now I did hear something a few months ago that really struck home with me as a parent of a 14u player. And in the future this may be something to keep in mind while looking at new teams. If your coach was asked by a college coach who is your best pitcher, infielder and outfielder would the coach name the best players at those positions or their favorites? This question to me will tell you a lot about a travel coach for multiple reasons even if your kid is not one of those. If the travel coach would answer their kid or her friends over the true best players then run don’t walk away from that situation.

 

[bmakj]

Our first travel team was a first year 12C team. We joined mid-winter, they had just started travel in the fall after playing together for several years with the local LL. Coached by two of the dads.

We know now that we could have passed and kept looking for a team, but at that age every team locally was coached by dads. It would have been impossible to avoid.

We watched the next year and a half unfold before us, and we learned a lot. We saw the behavior and drama of all of the parents. We saw (or heard about) what the coaches had to deal with every time they had any sort of contact with parents. Games, practices, fundraisers, meetings, even just running into someone at the store. As you say, every team has issues, but the coaches and their DDs were not the problem with this team. It was every parent trying to micromanage their own DD and , as a result, micromanage the coaches.

It all made whatever coaching decisions we didn't agree with seem quite trivial.

Leave the team now or relax and enjoy the ride. Actually, you can do both. Focus on the enjoy the ride part, though.

P.S. What would you honestly expect an 11 year old to call her mom, except for Mom ?

when I coached them, both my DDs called me coach pretty much from the get go if we were on the field. maybe not in tball, but beyond that it was coach, not dad. they learned rapidly when I simply would ignore them if they started with "Dad"

 

[Traps71]

I recognize that I am not in California, Texas, or Florida, but where are all these travel ball teams with non-parent coaches??? There sure aren't many around here and there must be two dozen orgs (mostly B or C) within a 30 mile radius of my home. I've seen some "professional" coaches here and there with larger local orgs or those affiliated with a national org (also very few of those around here). Such coaches, in my observation, are usually coaching at the 16U or 18U level and aspire to be playing at the top national level tournaments and to get girls recruited into college ball, which is a level of commitment and ability that isn't for everyone.

Other than that, it is "daddy ball" everywhere, all the time. How can it not be? Who else would put up with all the crap and the time required for no pay? You almost have to be crazy to head coach a travel ball team. As others have said, daddy ball doesn't have to be a nightmare. We've been pretty fortunate so far. One team we played on the dad head coach knew his daughter was an average player on the team and played her in the field and in the batting order accordingly. He was also hard on her, too hard at times. On our current "higher level" 14U team, all three coaches have daughters on the team. Two of them are among the best players on the team no question. One of them...let's just say I am not sure why she is batting sixth while two girls hitting behind her have an OPS at least 400 points higher.

With my younger DD, we had an experience with another daddy coach who was like what the OP described. Only had eyes for his daughter, batted her second despite about .100 OBP and she never came off the field. She was not as good a player as he thought or wished her to be. That team eventually imploded as everyone grew tired of his favoritism and antics. As far as I know, he no longer coaches...probably the best outcome. He was terrible.

 

[Ksphenom]

Some examples on the coaches to avoid in the future.
A few prying questions to current players or parents will give you insight.

Coaches kid is the second Catcher (#2) but now she doesn't want to work that hard and makes another kid on the team carry the entire load every game for the entire weekend/season.

Other teams are recruiting girls on your roster and when telling the coaches about the recruiting they say something like. I don't care let them go I have kids lining up to play. I don't give a crap about them. That kid their willing to replace in a heartbeat has literally given everything she has to the team for year's.

Blaming kids for obvious in-game coaching errors.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

 

[ang2bmd]

I recognize that I am not in California, Texas, or Florida, but where are all these travel ball teams with non-parent coaches??? There sure aren't many around here and there must be two dozen orgs (mostly B or C) within a 30 mile radius of my home. I've seen some "professional" coaches here and there with larger local orgs or those affiliated with a national org (also very few of those around here). Such coaches, in my observation, are usually coaching at the 16U or 18U level and aspire to be playing at the top national level tournaments and to get girls recruited into college ball, which is a level of commitment and ability that isn't cut out for everyone.

Other than that, it is "daddy ball" everywhere, all the time. How can it not be? Who else would put up with all the crap and the time required for no pay? You almost have to be crazy to head coach a travel ball team. As others have said, daddy ball doesn't have to be a nightmare. We've been pretty fortunate so far. One team we played on the dad head coach knew his daughter was an average player on the team and played her in the field and in the batting order accordingly. He was also hard on her, too hard at times. On our current "higher level" 14U team, all three coaches have daughters on the team. Two of them are among the best players on the team no question. One of them...let's just say I am not sure why she is batting sixth while two girls hitting behind her have an OPS at least 400 points higher.

With my younger DD, we had an experience with another daddy coach who was like what the OP described. Only had eyes for his daughter, batted her second despite about .100 OBP and she never came off the field. She was not as good a player as he thought or wished her to be. That team eventually imploded as everyone grew tired of his favoritism and antics. As far as I know, he no longer coaches...probably the best outcome. He was terrible.

They're not at b and c level. They're at higher A and national level teams where they are paid.

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk

 

[wheresmycar]

I know this is subjective, but when do you decide to walk?

The time to walk was right before you decided to make this post...

 

[mmeece]

I'm sure this has been covered ad nauseum. Nevertheless, first year 12U team. Coach basically thinks her daughter is Cal Ripken in an 11 year old girl's body. She is not. And that is fine.

The issue is the team appears to be nothing more than a vessel to promote Coach's DD and to feed the coach herself's ego. There is so much to this i don't have the time or bandwidth to probably do it justice.

I know, there are those here who contend, Coach's daughters are usually the best. She isn't. Her mom (what she is called during practice, not coach) wouldn't know it.

I know this is subjective, but when do you decide to walk? This team has issues, most do. But, it is much more than a vehicle to promote one player.

Am I frustrated? Yeah. Anyone been here before and advice appreciated.

The real question I'd ask is whether or not the coach is effective at developing players (primarily your player). If the answer is no, the rest really doesn't matter. People discuss parent vs. non-parent coaches as if there is a well-defined description of the abilities/benefits of each. There isn't. Non-parent coaches have favorites just as often as parent coaches favor their own kids. I'd argue that coaches who have kids on the team are more invested than non-parent coaches.

 

[livingontheroad]

Many teams get started solely to give a daughter a place to play.
They often struggle, the daddy (or mommy) coach learns thru
Hard knocks.....maybe. After a few years they may be a decent coach, but probably ho hum. If their presence is giving YOUR daughter a team, a place to play she wouldn't otherwise have.....it's hard to fault them too much. There are a lot of very average players, and teams today.

True story....we had a girl played for a team 2 hrs away. The coach of that team pitched his own daughter, had this girl on 3B. Our coach .....talked her into coming to play for us.....2 hr each way commute. Worked with her pitching. She took our teams to top few finishes in country in 14u and 18G, wcws, and ncaa freshman of year. The daddy coach could not see the potential talent in front of him......or knew how to develop it. Priority was his daughter.

 

[efastball]

Why not create another team that is only for their daughter?

 

[docnsx01]

from my observations which is just as a parent it obviously starts in little league and most parents that coach have usually their own kids best intentions (rare exceptions ) when I went to a certification to be allowed to coach the supervisor made a statement that made me ponder..this was right before the so-called draft. he says "when you guys were younger and met up to play a game how did you pick teams " remember there was no adults there in the park? he says instinctively the two better players were assigned as captains and took turns picking usually from strongest player to weakest player ! so he says THE KIDS knew on their own that a balanced more competitive team was both more fun and they got more out of it... that being said the draft went on and of course the teams were stacked like they didn't even listen.. but when it came to travel ball I was insistent after 12u to be on a team without a parent head coach , I wanted the coach to not have a horse in the race, assistants were fine.. if that is not possible at earlier age I would hope said coach has a resume to back up his or her coaching ability not just like it has been stated to promote his or her daughter.. I have seen teams within my daughter organization that after the season ends the coaches daughter who actually excelled was asked to move to the higher level team he didn't coach and the father said no! he wanted to continue having her on his team , now thats not helping his child as the upper level team competes at higher level and gets more important eyeballs on the players.. basically at Younger age it is about teaching fundamentals and creating good base for future growth, but when the child has a natural desire to pursue their dream of maybe playing at the next level you as parent have to decide financially, emotionally and physically if you want to pursue and try and find your child the best situation that suits them.. just go in with open eyes seeing the training, ask your daughter the experiences she is having and when you are out at competition look around at the other teams talks to parents of other organizations ( we parents like to talk a lot and complain a lot) no situation is perfect but int he end we have to advocate for our kids ..best of luck and stay positive and healthy