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Sucking the Fun out of the Game

Apr 16, 2013
785
43
Every girl is different. My DD really responds to knowing she has a fault and making it a goal to fix it. I think my DD has reached a fairly good place in her swing, so for the past year all we do is BP. She's super serious about her workout, so she's maintained a very high fitness level and put a lot of time to it. She's on a new team now and her coach keeps insisting she fix her arm throwing issue. I keep telling her it will stand out to college coaches. She played in a showcase this weekend and actually didn't want any college coaches to see her playing catcher. NOW she's back to focusing on something, with a goal, and has a fire lit under her. All those years we were working on her swing, molding her, kept her really into the game. She likes having a goal and something to focus on. However, every child is different! Gotta find what works for them and what turns them off!
 
May 29, 2015
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To be fair julray, she did just turn 3 ... ;)

Honestly though, I think my daughters grew more in their games after I stepped back (typically when they hit around 12). I let them go play for other coaches with other kids and get new experiences. After a while, I learned to “coach” through support and they came to me more often than before.

Not only do I feel much wiser for doing that, but they think so too!

If you still want to be hands on though, I would suggest finding new and fresh ways to do that. Work on the things she wants to work on, not the things you have identified. Give her other ways to work on things (such as finding a YouTube video and then trying it out in the back yard) rather than telling her what you know.
 
Jul 14, 2017
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The fact that you are aware and concerned about this is already a step in the right direction.

After 1 season of rec, my DD played travel for 4 years- (12U to 14u).

There are quite a few variables that ultimately led to her quitting softball, but an honest assessment would be that we (her parents) were a major contributor to sucking the fun out of the game for her.

*I saw natural athletic ability/potential and kept trying to find a higher level for her. This caused a lot of pressure and unnecessary expectations (even if they were unspoken).

*Both of us dissected/discussed/argued over every game the minute we were in the car. My husband and I spent countless hours arguing over softball.

*DD is naturally hard on herself and despite her athletic ability, her mindset/mental game always needed improvement. Didn’t help that her parents had very different views on hitting. Dad felt that she was and should be a hitter- was not happy with walks or hit by pitches. OBP meant nothing. Mom felt that her OBP represented good pitch selection and that every batter goes through rough spots—- a slump doesn’t mean you quit. For my husband, it was unbearable to see her when she struggled at the plate.

At the end of the day, it is a game. Softball should be an enjoyable part of your relationship with your DD and family. This competitive game can bring out the worst in people, see the good, be the good


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Last edited:
Jun 10, 2018
11
3
NY
May I gently and without judgement suggest that you consider not going to every game! It is GOOD for your girl to play without you there. I managed for many years and hovering parents present at every game (and practice) definitely take the fun out of the game. Let her fly on her own without you there! Instead of dissecting the entire game, tell your daughter what YOU did that day--take the focus off HER !! It is healthy for her to see you with your own interests; It is definitely a drain on the fun to have you there watching every single game.

Its just a game. games are supposed to be fun.
 
May 12, 2016
1,887
63
May I gently and without judgement suggest that you consider not going to every game! It is GOOD for your girl to play without you there. I managed for many years and hovering parents present at every game (and practice) definitely take the fun out of the game. Let her fly on her own without you there! Instead of dissecting the entire game, tell your daughter what YOU did that day--take the focus off HER !! It is healthy for her to see you with your own interests; It is definitely a drain on the fun to have you there watching every single game.

Its just a game. games are supposed to be fun.
That's good advice, and in some situations great advice! My presence at a game is not an issue for her or me, :). I am supportive and not a negative presence. She wants me at the games. Like I previously mentioned it's our 1x1 time where frustration seeps in for both of us. I'm taking a step back from the instruction and we will get back to what made it fun from the start. When she was 5 we would take a old cheap aluminum bat in the backyard and I would just pitch to her without instruction.. we had a blast. Now we just need a bigger backyard, lol
 
Jun 12, 2015
3,735
63
May I gently and without judgement suggest that you consider not going to every game! It is GOOD for your girl to play without you there. I managed for many years and hovering parents present at every game (and practice) definitely take the fun out of the game. Let her fly on her own without you there! Instead of dissecting the entire game, tell your daughter what YOU did that day--take the focus off HER !! It is healthy for her to see you with your own interests; It is definitely a drain on the fun to have you there watching every single game.

Its just a game. games are supposed to be fun.
Sitting in the outfield is a great compromise. I started doing that this season some, and it takes away a good bit of the intensity of the situation. You don't hear all the parents yelling, complaining, etc. You can't tell if the pitch was a ball or a strike, or if a call was good or bad, so you don't get mad at the umpires. Especially since you can't hear the other parents talking about all the bad calls. I had gotten to where I didn't even enjoy going to her games, which was depressing, because I love to watch her play. The OF seating worked out perfectly, plus it's way cooler when you get off the concrete.
 
May 12, 2016
1,887
63
Sitting in the outfield or not attending games at all is the best thing you can do if you can't control your emotions.
 
May 12, 2016
1,887
63
Fortunately I don't have that problem... :). But for those on here who do... good sound advice, :)
 

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