Sucking the Fun out of the Game

[John 800]

I went through that a bit last year with my DD. She started at 10u last year and she had a rough go playing the game but had fun with her friends anyway. My concern was that she would get frustrated and quit die to not performing well. I was never the hardcore parent shoving her into lesson after lesson, I just wanted to have her go out and practice some skills outside of practice time with either her friends or my wife and I. When I suggested it she refused or melted down playing catch in the back yard. I had a conversation with her reminding her that she doesn't need to practice every day, but I do expect her to put some effort in to try, I told her I want to encourage her but not push her enough to take the fun out of it and she needed to let me know if that point came. I also would regularly ask her theouout the season what her goals were for the next week or two. After doing that, her and I can go down to the park and hit some balls or play catch in the back yard and communicate through that process without it being negative. She grew alot as a player this year as far as skills AND a work ethic that is greatly improved. And she had enough fun that what I can see with her is that she is hooked on the game and I don't have to push, she wants to improve. That is the piece that some parents may miss and it's more important than I thought it would be lol.
I also stopped talking about her mistakes on the way home in the car. Be positive after the game and give it a day before trying to digest what they can learn from it.
Your mileage may vary

 

[sluggers]

If your DD wants to play at a high level, "fun" isn't the correct word to describe how she feels about a/the game. It is more about "enjoyment".

You can kill a kids enjoyment of the game if you criticize her too much, but she is not going to achieve at a high level if you don't offer constructive criticism.

Giving constructive criticism is very difficult for parents because we are too outcome oriented.

The key to doing it is to offer concrete, specific ways for her to improve her game--which means you have to learn all the small details that go into playing the game at a high level.

 

[Ksphenom]

Any of you ever feel like you are sucking the fun out of the game for both you and your DD?" =QUOTE]

The last 4 tournaments this year I was guilty of this. Kind of...Never worried about the DD performance. Normal ups and downs don't get to me. Several other factors were sucking the fun of softball from me.
Had to decline the offer to return. Hardest decision ever. My DD took it better than I did. Hard to leave a great team of girls and parents. We left on good terms so who knows.


Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk

 

[_MIA_]

You have to know your kid as well. My DD is a perfectionist, much like I was/is (but she handles it much better than I ever did), so criticism at the moment they screw up sometimes is counterproductive as they are already tough on themselves at the moment. Waiting a bit till go over something is sometimes the prudent call. If your kid is a bit more laid back it might be different.

 

[grcsftbll]

I've been trying to gently encourage parents to not sit and watch every single practice. I can see it hindering their daughters. They don't seem to get it.

Part of the problem with this is distance. It's not like the kids play ball in the neighborhood and you can drop them off or let them ride their bikes. Half our team this year drove an hour or more for practice. Unless they want to find something to do in the area every week, they're going to be at practice. If I could drop mine off I definitely would. Practice can be pretty boring to watch.

 

[grcsftbll]

I'm pretty sure that will be me this year. I quickly volunteered to be AC last year in part because I'd much rather be on the field helping the girls than sitting on the bench dealing with gossip and parents who don't know softball. Hearing them razz the umps and not know rules/strategy is painful to me. Hearing them second guess coaches or advise girls incorrectly makes me angry.

So this year I'm just a parent. We'll see how quickly I move my deluxe rocking chair with drink holder to the outfield.

After our experience the past couple of years with DH head coaching, we'll be the coach's biggest fan this year. For some people, it seems like the coaches can't do anything right. Send her, get cursed when she gets tagged out. Don't send her, get cursed for not aggressively going after the run. Everyone wants that kid who's in a slump moved down the lineup...until it's THEIR kid. Then it's, "Why won't he give her a chance to work through it?" Pull the pitcher: why did he pull her so soon? Don't pull the pitcher: why is he leaving her in to struggle? There is no way to win.

 

[_MIA_]

Part of the problem with this is distance. It's not like the kids play ball in the neighborhood and you can drop them off or let them ride their bikes. Half our team this year drove an hour or more for practice. Unless they want to find something to do in the area every week, they're going to be at practice. If I could drop mine off I definitely would. Practice can be pretty boring to watch.

I drive my DD to practice and it is about an hour away. I just sit a coffee shop and post on DFP..

 

[The Man In Blue]

I drive my DD to practice and it is about an hour away. I just sit a coffee shop and post on DFP..

As my daughters got older, this is what we would typically do. No reason for us to watch or be at practice. We would drop them off and then run a couple of errands or go relax somewhere for a bit.

Another little thing I thought of/remembered ... when it reached the point that we weren’t going to all of the games, I made a conscious effort to never ask “Did you win?” It was always “How did you/the team do?” followed by specific performance (not results) questions.

 

[uncdrew]

Part of the problem with this is distance. It's not like the kids play ball in the neighborhood and you can drop them off or let them ride their bikes. Half our team this year drove an hour or more for practice. Unless they want to find something to do in the area every week, they're going to be at practice. If I could drop mine off I definitely would. Practice can be pretty boring to watch.

Yes, every team dynamic and geography is different. Our park is at a complex that has many walking trails. Also 3 minutes from Home Depot, Target, Starbucks, grocery stores.

I'm actually looking forward to walking the dog and getting errands done during practice. In our case, some of the parents watch because they're helicopter parents. Or snowplow parents. Whatever the current term is for "need to protect my daughter at all times and remove all obstacles for her."