Struggling player - what to do as a parent?

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May 29, 2015
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Great questions! To be honest, she struggles with confidence in many areas of life. Seems especially more apparent after the year of COVID isolation. :( Her coach encourages her and is constantly trying to teach and help her improve. But, perhaps an outside instructor would be a great idea. Someone who is completely objective and can be as clear and straight forward as possible.

Unless money means nothing to you, this is a terrible idea.

You said it yourself, this isn’t a coaching issue and this isn’t an investment in a future softball career. If you need to spend money on a “coach” here, you’d be better served by making a life coach/therapist.

Edit: my personal bias is that it drives me nuts to see the amount of money people waste on “coaches” (who are just happy to have the income) for players who really need to work on their personal motivation and purpose. All the money in the world will not make a better hitter/pitcher out of somebody who does not want to do it at that level.
 
Jul 5, 2016
652
63
Unless money means nothing to you, this is a terrible idea.

You said it yourself, this isn’t a coaching issue and this isn’t an investment in a future softball career. If you need to spend money on a “coach” here, you’d be better served by making a life coach/therapist.

If a hitting coach makes her a better hitter, then it is money well-spent. The young lady will have more fun. Who cares if she only plays through high school. Obviously, this is discretionary spending, but when you consider the things on which we spend our discretionary money, a bit on hitting lessons seems reasonable.

My daughter never had plans for a post HS softball career, but I was happy to fund her pitching lessons. She was able to contribute more and she enjoyed it. And my feeling was and is that there are useful life-lessons to be learned from team sports.
 
Jun 23, 2018
222
63
Texas
My DD is 13 and the hard reminder is that it is her sport and her thing. I tell her like you do, that it is her thing.

As a parent, it is so hard to transition from being a teacher and instructor (in life and kinda softball) when she was a little one to becoming a mentor and supporter as she gets older. I tell my DD that I am glad she loves SB and that I will support her as long as she wants me too, but that for me SB has become more than a sport for her, in my perspective. It is a vehicle for her to learn life lessons that most kids her age will not get until they are adults. Learning to fail, succeed, learn work ethic, learn to be passionate about something, .....and the list goes on and on. That is my goal for her, to learn these things so that she can be a fairly well adjusted and competent adult one day. I tell her that is my goal in everything as a parent not just SB.

With all of the above said, I suck at it. I'm getting better (I think) and have learned that sometimes a hug is what she NEEDS rather than a solution. At times my job it to help pickup the pieces and support her in putting them back together, not to prevent the fall. Overall my goal as a parent has become to make sure she is loved, safe, and healthy and that she has to be the one to take on the rest and ask for help when she needs it.

Again, DW and I both suck at this so far, but we are learning like she is and we will all fail from time to time, but we keep going with the goal in mind.
 
Jun 11, 2019
14
3
[QUOTE="texasck1, post: 627414, member: 16594"
and have learned that sometimes a hug is what she NEEDS rather than a solution. At times my job it to help pickup the pieces and support her in putting them back together, not to prevent the fall.
[/QUOTE]


Auuughh! This! Such good insight. I need to work on this sooooo much!
 
Last edited:

Strike2

Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
2,044
113
Softball is a tough sport to play well and keep playing well. The number of players this game sheds from 10U through 14U is huge. By 16U, few remain who aren't competent at everything, and pretty good at some things. Unless you are exceptionally gifted athletically, it takes work to remain effective even at 16B.

Sometimes, people equate individual practice with being more serious and having longer term goals. When I played baseball as a kid and at various SP levels as an adult, I practiced because... 1) I like it and, 2) I wanted to give myself the best possible chance to not suck on game day.

DD and I still work individually on every aspect of her game. We're not out there every day, but we work on what needs attention. She's an average athlete, and would not be anywhere as good a player on the field if we just relied on team practice. I can hit more grounders to DD in 15 minutes than she'd ever get in a single practice. I can hit more fly balls to her in the same time period than she might see in a season of practices. She can hit far more balls in an hour (batting-T, soft & front toss, machine), with better feedback, than she'd ever see during team BP where things are more "assembly line".

I don't know if you work with your kid, but nothing instills confidence and consistency than repeatedly fielding hard grounders and chasing down deep fly balls. Nothing helps confidence at the plate more than working on not just the swing, but also the mental approach to hitting. It takes some skills that not all parents have, but behind the most productive kids you see, there's someone working with them on the side.
 
Last edited:
May 29, 2015
3,731
113
If a hitting coach makes her a better hitter, then it is money well-spent. The young lady will have more fun. Who cares if she only plays through high school. Obviously, this is discretionary spending, but when you consider the things on which we spend our discretionary money, a bit on hitting lessons seems reasonable.

My daughter never had plans for a post HS softball career, but I was happy to fund her pitching lessons. She was able to contribute more and she enjoyed it. And my feeling was and is that there are useful life-lessons to be learned from team sports.

I can appreciate your take, and it is true in some cases.

I have been around the game far too long, that I have seen too many kids who "had to go to lessons" when they had no desire to be doing it. That is my point. In your case, if the player wants to do it, great! If they do not, then why are we continuing to beat the dead horse?

I don't know the OP's daughter, so I can only chime in like the anonymous internet toadie that I am. In my experience, a player who is 16 years old, a low-level B-player, and has had the same struggles with confidence and motivation for years is NOT who needs to go spend more money on hitting lessons. True, a new coach, a new aspect, or a new perspective absolutely could open up a newfound interest in the game ... but I think that needs to be the player's decision even if it is the parents' wallets. Trying to coach a kid into wanting to play (at the level the parent wants) is a lost cause.

If she enjoys being there and enjoys being with her friends, let the coach worry about the rest. She may be happy providing a needed support role on the bench as opposed to the stress of being expected to be a starter. Those players can often become great coaches.
 

Strike2

Allergic to BS
Nov 14, 2014
2,044
113
If a hitting coach makes her a better hitter, then it is money well-spent. The young lady will have more fun. Who cares if she only plays through high school. Obviously, this is discretionary spending, but when you consider the things on which we spend our discretionary money, a bit on hitting lessons seems reasonable.

My daughter never had plans for a post HS softball career, but I was happy to fund her pitching lessons. She was able to contribute more and she enjoyed it. And my feeling was and is that there are useful life-lessons to be learned from team sports.

Regardless of level or goals, there is NO MONEY BETTER SPENT in this game than on a good hitting instructor.

Playing well is fun.
 
May 29, 2015
3,731
113
If the only time the kid spends with a bat in her hands is plate appearances on the weekend and an hour with a hitting coach, I respectfully disagree.
 
Jul 5, 2016
652
63
I can appreciate your take, and it is true in some cases.

I have been around the game far too long, that I have seen too many kids who "had to go to lessons" when they had no desire to be doing it. That is my point. In your case, if the player wants to do it, great! If they do not, then why are we continuing to beat the dead horse?

I don't know the OP's daughter, so I can only chime in like the anonymous internet toadie that I am. In my experience, a player who is 16 years old, a low-level B-player, and has had the same struggles with confidence and motivation for years is NOT who needs to go spend more money on hitting lessons. True, a new coach, a new aspect, or a new perspective absolutely could open up a newfound interest in the game ... but I think that needs to be the player's decision even if it is the parents' wallets. Trying to coach a kid into wanting to play (at the level the parent wants) is a lost cause.

If she enjoys being there and enjoys being with her friends, let the coach worry about the rest. She may be happy providing a needed support role on the bench as opposed to the stress of being expected to be a starter. Those players can often become great coaches.

Agreed. Lot's of variables. Additional instruction only makes sense if that is what the player wants.
Otherwise, getting a kid - or anybody for that matter - to do something they don't want to do is like pushing a string.
 
Jun 11, 2019
14
3
I can appreciate your take, and it is true in some cases.

I have been around the game far too long, that I have seen too many kids who "had to go to lessons" when they had no desire to be doing it. That is my point. In your case, if the player wants to do it, great! If they do not, then why are we continuing to beat the dead horse?

I don't know the OP's daughter, so I can only chime in like the anonymous internet toadie that I am. In my experience, a player who is 16 years old, a low-level B-player, and has had the same struggles with confidence and motivation for years is NOT who needs to go spend more money on hitting lessons. True, a new coach, a new aspect, or a new perspective absolutely could open up a newfound interest in the game ... but I think that needs to be the player's decision even if it is the parents' wallets. Trying to coach a kid into wanting to play (at the level the parent wants) is a lost cause.

If she enjoys being there and enjoys being with her friends, let the coach worry about the rest. She may be happy providing a needed support role on the bench as opposed to the stress of being expected to be a starter. Those players can often become great coaches.

More great insight and perspective. Thank you!
 

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