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Serious issue

Oct 3, 2019
88
18
A situation has come up with my granddaughter's team that her parents and I are very concerned about.
This is how it began. Another girl, a year older, has indicated to other teammates that she wants to date my granddaughter. She has gone so far as to write several (love) letters to my granddaughter, that were conveyed via another teammate. Of course some of the girls have found this amusing. Subsequently, my granddaughter politely indicated to the girl that she is not interested in dating. She's 13. This is not the problem however; it's just where the story begins. This other girl has a complicated home life and also has some emotional issues well known to the team and other parents, which further complicates the situation. She has been disruptive to the team at times. Everyone would like to be supportive of her because of her situation at home. Recently she wrote a letter, threatening to kill herself. Follwing that, she indicated in another letter that stated, if she was going to kill someone, it would be my granddaughter. The coaches and I assume, the league president are aware of this. There is compassion for this troubled girl which is fine however, at what point does everyone get serious about this and go on RED alert? I am only assuming that the girl's family has been spoken to about these events.
My granddaughter in the meantime, is losing her enthusiasm for playing and now that practices have resumed over the past 3 weeks, is making excuses to not play.
I find it unfair that she should have to leave the team over this, but her parents have accepted that this might have to be the case and have notified the coaches. My granddaughter stated that she has told coaches about things said to her in practice by this girl and the coach just shrugs it off as nothing although attempts to keep them apart in practice have been made.
Question, what is the team and the leagues responsibility to deal with this and treat it seriously? They seem reluctant to remove the girl from the team. If another threat were to come up, should the parents go to the police? We don't want to hurt this other girl; softball is literally all that she has. Should my granddaughter quit this team and try to find another? She has physical skills and is really improving now after only playing 1 year so breaking into a new team could put her at a disadvantage. There are no other travel teams in the immediate area.
 
Aug 20, 2017
790
63
If it’s as big of an issue as you indicate, I wouldn’t worry about “putting her at a disadvantage”. Me and my DD would be done with that team. Coach hasn’t addressed it, just shrugs it off. Can’t go forward with him. Seems like an unstable situation. Hate that your DD is going through that. Tough for all involved!

Have you spoken with the coach personally and corresponded all this info? If not, start there. Coach doesn’t seem like he wants to deal with it. This is one of those situations that doesn’t work itself out. We would be out!
 
Oct 3, 2019
88
18
Yes, thank you. Her parents have been in communication with the coaches. I'm grandma so, basically, an observor. I guess we are being unreasonably optimistic that the situation could be resolved with everyone happy in the end. But, I think this girl has problems that a coach cannot fix and I understand being reluctant to remove her from the team. Rock and a hard place and unfortunately, my granddaughter might be the one to pay the price for doing absolutely nothing to bring this on. Sad...
 

RADcatcher

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
1,443
113
California
Oh my...what a situation!
Unfortunet Jeannie to hear of this occuring on your Gdd team.
Any decision may be hard,
Think would pick the healthy one!

Concur with cornbreads post.

[QUOTE="Cornbread, post:
If it’s as big of an issue as you indicate, I wouldn’t worry about “putting her at a disadvantage”. Me and my DD would be done with that team. Coach hasn’t addressed it, just shrugs it off. Can’t go forward with him. Seems like an unstable situation. Hate that your DD is going through that. Tough for all involved!

Have you spoken with the coach personally and corresponded all this info? If not, start there. Coach doesn’t seem like he wants to deal with it. This is one of those situations that doesn’t work itself out. We would be out!
 
Aug 20, 2017
790
63
Yes, thank you. Her parents have been in communication with the coaches. I'm grandma so, basically, an observor. I guess we are being unreasonably optimistic that the situation could be resolved with everyone happy in the end. But, I think this girl has problems that a coach cannot fix and I understand being reluctant to remove her from the team. Rock and a hard place and unfortunately, my granddaughter might be the one to pay the price for doing absolutely nothing to bring this on. Sad...
Best first to verify all info, speak with other players and other players parents. Find out what they KNOW. Have you seen the letters or is it just hearsay? Any texts or social meadow posts? On my team, if something is going on like this (that somehow I’m unaware of) I need to see some verification. Once I get verification, I would move on from the problem player. As a coach, we have to protect the TEAM! Not just a player or two. That requires tough decisions. We all want to help players. This is way beyond that boundary.
 
Jan 13, 2020
984
63
Sounds like the other girl and her family need professional help immediately. It surely is sad but must agree with cornbread also.
 
Aug 19, 2015
980
63
Atlanta, GA
I think that your son/daughter (the player's parents) should immediately request a face-to-face sit down meeting about this. Produce all written evidence of the threats that you have. If the child has threatened suicide in writing, the coaches have a moral (if not a legal) obligation to make sure that her parents take action to get her professional help. If they punt, then I'm afraid that changing teams would be the right course. Disruptive to your granddaughter, but better than the tension she would have to live with in dealing with the girl at practice and games (and probably on text/social media in between). I appreciate the fact that you are concerned about the other girl, but if your coaches won't take action, first priority is protect your granddaughter. Best of luck and please let us know what happens.
 
Nov 29, 2009
2,899
63
If everything you've related is accurate it sounds like your GDD is going to need to move on from the team. The people in charge seem to be afraid of any blow-back from the parents if they release the girl who has been aggressive with your GDD. If your GDD stays and the aggressor gets reprimanded she may try and start a smear campaign towards your GDD. And we all know just how nasty a young female teen can be if they put their mind to it.

Unfortunately, what I think will happen if your GDD leaves. The aggressor will turn her unwanted attention to another girl on the team. If the coaches still refuse to do anything there's a chance the team could implode. Your GDD's parents need to make it crystal clear in writing to the HC and the organization president EXACTLY why your GDD was basically "Forced" to leave the team. Have them list dates they contacted the HC and what was done, if anything, to alleviate the uncomfortable situation your GDD is feeling.

When my DD was playing 18U she changed teams. She knew some of the girls on the team from HS ball. They had a girl who was very aggressive towards some of the other players on the team in the same manner your GDD is encountering. The girls, as a group, went to the HC and told him point blank. If she's on the team we won't be. The coach released the girl. She was a great player. But she was a clubhouse terror.
 
Sep 17, 2009
1,541
83
Your original post went in a direction I certainly didn't expect. I think once death threats are made, it's a red-light parent situation. Don't believe that bad things don't happen in this age group. They do. It sounds like you are in a small town, that certainly complicates things. Your granddaughter needs your help and her parent's help, this situation is way beyond her ability to deal with it...I don't want to be an alarmist. I really hope the best for you and your granddaughter.
 
Apr 26, 2019
71
18
Awful situation and one, as a dad, would have me extremely concerned.

I agree with much of what was said. If this girl has made threats against your granddaughter and threatened to harm herself and the coaches and organization know about them they are required to act. If something goes bad they would be civilly and likely criminally liable for not dealing with it.

In my opinion, this is bullying. It may be different than what we usually think of as bullying but that your granddaughter spurned her advances and she is now saying she would kill her and threatening self harm it is psychological bullying. Schools take these matters seriously and teams should also. As was stated above, kids this age are capable of truly awful acts too.

I understand she may be having/had a bad time of it at home. That isn't a reason to turn a blind eye. In fact, it may be all the more reason to get to rhe bottom of it. She may need more help than anyone knows.

Your family's safety and mental well being is the utmost priority. That said, it would be sad for her to lose out on playing the game she enjoys because of all of this.

Good luck.
 

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