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Right thing to do?

May 21, 2008
We have a situation that I would like some opinions or help with. In a nutshell, we have a coach who lost his temper, assumed something, and kick two players off of his 16U team. The players were a pitcher,my daughter, and catcher and I will fill you in as to what happened. The team had not done well in their last two tournaments. Usually this team is very competitive, but they lost out early in the last one they played in. The coach called an impromptu practice, and as I have found out, immediately got reasons from players as to why they couldn't be there. He sent me a text of which wasn't clear, so I called him to find out what he meant. Well, he was angry when he answered the phone and before I could tell him my reason for calling, he went into a fit, screaming ao=bout how everyone should be at practice, my daughter needed practice as much if not more than anyone else; I found out he assumed I was calling to say we wouldn't be at practice. Not the case. He ended the conversation with telling me he wanted my daughter gone and to take the other player with her, then he hung up on me. He then sent out a text message to the entire team that he was folding the team, season over. I didn't call him back, I was in such shock.
a day later, the coach sent me a text stating that he had talked with the other coaches and was under the impression that my daughter wanted to return and continue to play and he didn't have a problem with that, but HE WOULD NOT ASK HER BACK.
My daughter is very hurt over this. She has played for this team for two years. As she put it "yesterday I made coach's day by pitching a shut out against a team he wanted to beat and today I'm dog crap, Go figure!" The whole thing is confusing and it involves more than just the ones mentioned here. There is the team roster that is left out there without enough players to play. The chance of finding more players is not good, the player pool here is extremely small. What do others thing and what would you do?:confused:


Softball fan
Feb 28, 2008
Montreal, Canada
Hmmm that kind of situations is way too common. Obviously the coach is probably lacking people skills, emotional control, and diplomaty.

However, personally, I think it sounds more like a "simple kitchen dispute" in a couple than a personality conflict, deep-rooted conflict...

So, my suggestion - sit down with the coach you and your daughter, clear the air, and go on and play again. If she wants back and that he welcomes her, why not? It's not like he has been on her case for months and treats her badly all the time.

He lost his temper (probably will again eventually) but it doesn't seem from what you to be a personal problem with you or your daughter in the long run, it sounds more like bad circumstances...

So, don't throw everything away if she is happy to go back, the coach wants her back and it's not something that's deeply-rooted.

However, I would definitely have some form of chat with the coach and your daugther. Might not totally agree on the versions of things.. but at least, you can probably all agree to move on and start again with a positive attitude.

My take on it.
May 7, 2008
skm...my heart really breaks for her.

Personally, I would sit my daughter down and ask her what she really wants from softball. Ask her if she thinks this team is the only team who could provide her with the opportunity to achieve her aspirations. Help her to assess her desires, strengths and weaknesses. After she has a better picture of herself, ask her to assess this team in the same way. Help her to compare these assessments and to ask the difficult question of whether it is a fit. Let her know that you will do all you can to help her succeed in her aspirations and let her see you advocate for her decision. Eventually this will teach her to advocate for herself (the goal). Finding good matches between teams and players is a HARD THING and takes time. If she plays 16U, it sounds as if you've been around awhile. IMO, only by an honest self-assessment by her and her examination of this team's coaching and philosophy (with your continued guidance) will she come to an answer she can live with. It sounds like a choice to stay may come at a high price, and she needs to ask herself if she is willing to pay it. If it is an abusive situation, it will mess with her confidence and mental game. Unfortunately, there are no quick fixes or easy answers.

Technology is an amazing thing. I am very grateful for this forum, the ability to email distant relatives, etc. The written word, however, is easily misinterpreted. It is a single dimension. There is no voice inflection, non-verbal cues, or eye contact. Sometimes we draw incorrect inferences. You were very wise to call him for clarity. In difficult circumstances like this, I find it best to do it in person with all of the coaching staff present to lower the chances of being misconstrued.

Very best wishes,

May 7, 2008
Your DD is still a child. One of your most important tasks as her FATHER is to protect her from harm. Ask yourself this...would you let her boyfriend treat her this way? A teacher at school? Her piano teacher? Her Pastor?

I sure wouldn't!


Mar 16, 2015
I'm not saying anyone should coach like this, but I think this man's approach proved that even football coaches don't have to be Vince Lombardi to win championships. I think you will enjoy this short piece on the late Frosty Westering.


Feb 20, 2012
Sorry you are in this situation. It is all fun and games until a team does not meet expectations. I would let your DD decide what she wants to do and honor her decision.