Rebuilding/creating a culture

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sluggers

Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
7,132
113
Dallas, Texas
And more than anything else, it's not fun for anyone. They aren't playing with energy -- as soon as something goes wrong, they expect to lose and then it snowballs.

I'm not optimistic.

After raising three DDs, I would prefer daily root canals to dealing with a fourth at this age. They are almost impossible.

Honestly...it would be best to find another team and let this one go.
 
Last edited:
Feb 20, 2020
377
63
I'm not optimistic.

After raising three DDs, I would prefer daily root canals to dealing with a fourth at this age. They are almost impossible.

Honestly...it would be best to find another team and let this one go.

Ha. Would have been smart to do a month ago. Things have gone from bad to worse, but now it's a matter of DD thinking that she owes it to the team/karma because if she leaves the team dies. No other reliable pitcher -- it's turned into hoping every weekend the otehr pitcher wants to play, or hoping that we can find a guest.

Three weeks ago, when the interpersonal stuff got nastier, I tried to talk the coach into calling the season, giving everyone the chance to guest or catch on with someone else. But they didn't want to do that, said they would improve culture, blah blah blah and nothing's gotten better. I actually think the nastiest of the girls are trying to get DD to quit so the team collapsing will be her fault. But I've told DD that if I see a sign of bullying or just nastiness, I'm pulling her. A lot harder to do when she's 17 than when she's 14, though. But it's just been an awful season to wrap up an awful year.

It just proves my dad was right all along. He told me that when someone wants to go, the last thing you want to do is ask them to stay. Works the other way, too. Should have listened to him. :)
 
Aug 25, 2019
1,066
113
Does your DD want to play in college? If so, leave right now and don't worry about team falling apart. Yes DD will probably get grief and nastiness from the other girls, but if she ends up in a good team, it's all worth it.
 
Feb 20, 2020
377
63
Nah, she knows she's not good enough. The schools she's looking at have pretty good D2 programs and she's talked to the coaches about maybe walking on, but it's not a priority. A lot of colleges have club teams, and she'd maybe like to play there as she's meeting new people and adjusting to the next phase of her life. She's hoping to break onto varsity this fall, but if you remember my high school drama (I seem to have a lot of drama :) that's only a 50-50 chance. It has been too bad that something she has loved so much for nearly a decade has turned into something unpleasant for her. She's talking about maybe trying out for other teams next summer, but that's the summer before college so I don't know how important softball will be then. We'll just have to see.
 
May 6, 2015
2,397
113
Create traditions. The HS team I coached this season was awful. Won one. And since our girls rarely play before coming our way at all, I’m likely to be in the same boat for a while to come. But the smartest thing I did this year in the first full season at the helm (2020 doesn’t count) was really emphasize team building at practices. “Softball Olympics” (which to be honest, was created on the fly): a competition of like ten events, from target practice to home to first base times, etc. “Halloween” where kids could wear costumes to practice one day. Loosen them up a bit. With helicopter parents, there may be a little bit of grumbling, but it sounds like you’re there already. It doesn’t mean just all loose-y goose-y, shenanigans, but intentional days that can act to reset the team, and make EVERYONE and everything a little less tense. It’s hard to blame the person next to you/have less self-accountability and willingness to go the extra mile if you, well, like them.
something that might help your HS team in long run (very long run) AND team culture at same time is to run a clinic early in the spring each year for your local rec leagues. have the girls run stations, and work with the rec girls (make it for like 10 and under, keep a wide age gap from your girls, to make certain the younger ones listen). will get/keep more girls interested hopefully, provide some isntruction (and have rec coaches come to learn as well).
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
now worse, but now it's a matter of DD thinking that she owes it to the team/karma because if she leaves the team dies.




No other reliable pitcher -- it's turned into hoping every weekend the otehr pitcher wants to play, or hoping that we can find a guest.

Three weeks ago, when the interpersonal stuff got nastier, I tried to talk the coach into calling the season, giving everyone the chance to guest or catch on with someone else. But they didn't want to do that, said they would improve culture, blah blah blah and nothing's gotten better. I actually think the nastiest of the girls are trying to get DD to quit so the team collapsing will be her fault. But I've told DD that if I see a sign of bullying or just nastiness, I'm pulling her. A lot harder to do when she's 17 than when she's 14, though. But it's just been an awful season to wrap up an awful year.

It just proves my dad was right all along. He told me that when someone wants to go, the last thing you want to do is ask them to stay. Works the other way, too. Should have listened to him. :)
Life lessons.

Team Loyalty is a commitment to what we hope will continue as it was orginally stated.
That said, Change is inevitable. Only to keep us looking to see if the original plan is still in place.
When the original plan gets sooo out of whack can no longer see original plan.
( or even going backwards)
Time to re-evaluate individual goals.

Individual goals are a longer term of commitment than the shortsided seasonal issues that will go on.
Which means, sometimes we have to walk/jog/sprint past others as we move forward!
Growing bigger than those staying small.

Good luck!
 
Last edited:
Nov 26, 2019
65
8
something that might help your HS team in long run (very long run) AND team culture at same time is to run a clinic early in the spring each year for your local rec leagues. have the girls run stations, and work with the rec girls (make it for like 10 and under, keep a wide age gap from your girls, to make certain the younger ones listen). will get/keep more girls interested hopefully, provide some isntruction (and have rec coaches come to learn as well).
Great call. Thank you!
 
May 29, 2015
3,731
113
From a purely organizational development standpoint (and I am happy to send you a bill to legitimize my consulting side hustle ... or you can take the free advice) ...

You had great ideas. Like so many business owners though, you had them too late. I hate telling people it is time, but ...

 
Jun 3, 2021
157
28
Too many fail to realize that you just can’t help certain people or situations. Nobody is beyond hope. But, the current environment, attitude, mentality, maturity, family situation, personal goals, personal desire,your actual ability to influence, etc may just not be there. It’s waaaaaaay too arrogant to think you can help someone that doesn’t want help. You are beating your head against a wall wasting their time, yours, and most importantly that of yor DD’s.

This could be a great lesson for your DD about who to surround herself with in life. Who you choose as your team, who you choose as as a project, and who you know you cannot help at this point but hope/pray the best for. Heck, Jesus even had to walk away from certain people.

My advice is tell your daughter to help people that need, want and appreciate help. Make your “team” a group that you make better and more importantly make you/her better.
 

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