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marriard

Not lost - just no idea where I am
Oct 2, 2011
4,312
113
Florida
Bottom line is this: Is it possible to coach the team and be friends with all the parents at the same time?

ALL the parents? Probably not - that is somewhere between 20 and 30 people so the odds are poor in any situation. Never mind when you have authority over their little cupcake. As a coach you ave to be a benelvolant dictator - so some of your decisons wont go the way everyone wants. You can't please everyone.

Some players will get better or mature faster than others. Some will lose interest. Some will gain interest. Goals of individuals and families change. And so on...

There will be times where some parents don't like your decision - that doesn't mean they can't still be a friend or friendly.

We're 10U, and are told by other coaches we talk to that this does settle down as parents get more familiar with the game.

10U is by far the worse age group for parents. They are untrained & unaware. Everything is new and a HUGE deal. The players do weird things. There is chaos on the field. And so on.

Yes it generally gets better as it the girls get older. The game transitions over to being the 'girls' game versus the parents. The parents and players prioriites change. The kids grow up and learn they can so 'no' to their parents - so there are more players are there because THEY want to be versus the parents. At some point they learn to drive so are not as reliant on the parents to bring them to a practice. Many others just figure it out over time as they start to interact with the older age groups.

Also the majority of the real nut jobs mostly leave the game, run out of teams for their kids to play on, can't get players for the team they created for their kid and so on... Or their kid realizes they can say "No" and put their foot down.
 
Oct 4, 2018
4,611
113
That's a big part of the problem. I don't have a thick skin.

The last few months of this year-long season the parents moved from griping in their groups to griping directly to us coaches. During practice. During games.

We remind them of the contract they signed (that says you don't do this during games and practices) and they don't seem to care. That just makes them act like we're at fault for hiding behind a contact. Ugh, no fun.
 

sjw62000

just cleaning the dugout
Sep 1, 2018
93
33
North Carolina
Ah, the odd creature that is a softball parent. Isolated and alone they are nice enough creatures, but put them with their pack and they can become agitated and demanding.

Friendly, yes. Friends, no.

Everything that needs to be said has been said so I will simply add some simple tenets:

1.) I will never discuss anyone's DD with another parent. I won't compare another's DD to your DD so we can discuss why one is playing and the other is not.

2.) I coach the TEAM in its entirety, and what is good for the TEAM may not always be what makes you happy.

3.) If a decision I made upsets you; please take a 24hr cooling off period and we can discuss anything. I am happy to explain any decision I make with you but, I will not argue with you.

4.) I know you are paying to be here. Please respect the fact that everyone else is too.

This list is by no means meant to be exhaustive, and certainly isn't applicable to all, but I've found that these have held me in good stead for several years.
 
Apr 28, 2019
1,423
83
That's a big part of the problem. I don't have a thick skin.

The last few months of this year-long season the parents moved from griping in their groups to griping directly to us coaches. During practice. During games.

We remind them of the contract they signed (that says you don't do this during games and practices) and they don't seem to care. That just makes them act like we're at fault for hiding behind a contact. Ugh, no fun.
Explain what your doing and then tune out all the noise.
Almost every parent thinks their kid is the cornerstone of the team. In most cases they are average players.
Problem is when people start spending money they want to see return on investment. Doesn’t matter to them that Sally doesn’t practice outside of team practice, they expect you to make her a star player it what amounts to 10-15 minutes is direct interaction at team practices. Doesn’t work that way. Most of the hard work needs to be done on their own. They impress you at team practice and look at that Sally is getting more playing time and impacting the game in a positive way!!!
Reality is there are too many TB teams out there and talent is watered down. Average team has maybe 3-5 really good players and the rest are just role players. Players need to know their role. If their not happy with said role practice and get better!!!
 

marriard

Not lost - just no idea where I am
Oct 2, 2011
4,312
113
Florida
That's a big part of the problem. I don't have a thick skin.

The last few months of this year-long season the parents moved from griping in their groups to griping directly to us coaches. During practice. During games.

We remind them of the contract they signed (that says you don't do this during games and practices) and they don't seem to care. That just makes them act like we're at fault for hiding behind a contact. Ugh, no fun.

You have let this go on too long and now there is no easy way out. You are in a bad situation and this is the death rattle of many a 10U travel team.

Honestly - you probably have one chance. There is always a ring leader. Cut them now. They will do the 'the whole team will go if you cut me' thing. Don't worry about that - there is always more players or guest players. Will it work? Maybe? But it is better than what you are going through now - the parents have already called your bluff and right now they think they can get away with whatever they want.
 
Oct 4, 2018
4,611
113
We did. We cut the head off the snake. They know they will not be on the team any longer. Our year ended yesterday -- we think there's a good chance with this decision made by the coaches. Some parents wanted this family out a month ago but we all agreed (mostly for the girl) to let them finish out the last two tournaments.

In our next parent meeting near try-outs and probably one after the new team is formed, HC will lay down the law.

We have a solid core and lots of girls wanting to join. I think we get another year out of this. I've let it be known I'll be done after this next year. I love the girls, love the game. I skip home from work on practice days and Fridays before tournaments. My DD is a ray of sunshine and I can still share that with her even if I'm just on the sidelines helping out.
 
Oct 4, 2018
4,611
113
Closing doors, opening windows.

HC just got a call from a really outstanding player's dad on another team who said his daughter saw us play all year and wants to be on our team because it looked so fun. He told the HC he has older kids on travel team and they are no drama parents. She's a pitcher/OF, both positions we need.
 
May 6, 2015
2,397
113
Closing doors, opening windows.

HC just got a call from a really outstanding player's dad on another team who said his daughter saw us play all year and wants to be on our team because it looked so fun. He told the HC he has older kids on travel team and they are no drama parents. She's a pitcher/OF, both positions we need.

I thought all girls were primarily X infield position, then secondary Y infield position ;)
 
Oct 4, 2018
4,611
113
I thought all girls were primarily X infield position, then secondary Y infield position ;)

We are losing some key players that are aging up to 12U. It leaves us needing a pitcher and an OF (and some other positions as well).
 

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