Parents - UGH!

[PAcoach]

As sad as this sounds, I am trying really hard to punish parents for their behavior. Trying to start this year with a firm hold. Complain about your dd not starting, your daughter will not start at all next tournament. Complain about dd's playing time, it will be decreased next tournament. Complain about my lack of compassion to your problems, bring me the uniforms and I will refund your money. Take your daughter and go.

I will spend hundreds of hours and hundreds of dollars on my team this year. My life is too short to continue putting up with people that don't understand or appreciate. I will do anything for these girls. I am done taking any crap off parents. There are too many girls wanting to play to lose any more sleep over parents.

Now, I don't mean that I won't talk to a parent that wants to know what dd needs to do to play more. I am all for that. I will explain what improvement we are needing from her. I will stay late to help her. I will set up extra practices for her. Anything to help her improve. But if they just want to whine, get out. Here's your money.

Last years team had some dysfunction and I think it was in part due to some 'normal' parenting issues. Some were blowing smoke up their child's rearends and constantly muttering in the bleachers. It was a small minority, but it affected my day and, I believe, the team. No more. I won't put up with a player that is a cancer. I will no longer put up with a parent that is a cancer. If I don't win a state tournament, ok. At least I won't dread going to the diamond.

Bingo! Ya know what i tell them, players and parents. When i slide my cleats on and walk on the field, that is imediate peace for me. All life stress leaves me. No phones, customers or whatever. Just the passion and love for the game. Want drama? Seek it elsewhere. And depending when a player leaves, or we ask them to leave, they do not get any money back.

 

[Hollyrockartist]

I have seen more craziness surrounding softball this season than I care to tell. Parents who call the coaches daily, cussing for whatever they feel like reaming them out about that particular day. Have called the coaches UNMENTIONABLE names - threatened to leave the team, etc.. I have sat back, supporting the girls, coaches AND parents (not those, just the "normal" ones) and kept my nose clean. I have never once said anything ugly or out of the way about other players (although may have thought it) or the coaches in front of DD. Positivity has been our motto. Blowing up in front of children, or not for that matter, to the coaches is uncalled for period - no matter the circumstances. I feel like when my DD is in the dugout or on the field, she belongs to the coaches. If she has to do 100 crunches for a mistake, so be it - she'll remember it the next time!

My heart goes out to coaches who tolerate ill tempered players and/or their parents. Flip side is if parents see their child being treated unfairly (I mean OBVIOUSLY unfairly), I feel like they have a legitimate gripe and should call the coach, or visit face to face, to try and work through the issue in a non-confrontational manner. Could be wrong on that and this, but I have always wanted to know what it was that DD needed to work on at home to improve or, heaven forbid, if she had said anything out of the way to anyone, I feel like I needed to know. It makes it easier for us, as parents, to understand where you, as coaches, are coming from if you can help pin-point some issues (skill wise or attitude wise) that we need to help with on the homefront.

Here are some questions to all of you who coach - When do you say enough is enough? Do you wait and let bully parents ruin the team, as well as their child or children ruin the spirit of the dugout, until it is beyond repair? Do you cut them loose when it first starts happening or do you think "maybe this will be the last time"? Would you field players because you are afraid of the aftermath of their parents if you didn't? When it does all come to blows with players/parents, do you own that any of it could be your responsibility or do you just shrug it off and consider lesson learned? Just curious what could run through the minds of coaches.

 

[coach D'E]

On time, we hade 3 girls leave our team ¼ of the way into our tournament schedule. Only one of the parents had the decency to call and express her views. The other parents would not accept or respond to repeated e-mails about the player’s whereabouts. A few weeks later we got an e-mail from one of the parents requesting her money back. Of course her e-mail contained the word litigation and attorneys. Our head coach, who handles these matters, sent the woman an itemized bill which included: the cost of a tournament (12 players=12 Tournaments), Field maintenance, Helmet, Bag with Wheels, 2 Game Uniforms, practice uniforms, Sliding shorts, 4 pair of Socks, Sliding pads, discount on equipment for local sporting goods store, Indoor practice facilities, and my favorite, coaches instruction. He charged her $30 per hour. After it was all said and done, the parent actually owed the organization money. We never heard from her again. Parents got to love them.

 

[PAcoach]

I have seen more craziness surrounding softball this season than I care to tell. Parents who call the coaches daily, cussing for whatever they feel like reaming them out about that particular day. Have called the coaches UNMENTIONABLE names - threatened to leave the team, etc.. I have sat back, supporting the girls, coaches AND parents (not those, just the "normal" ones) and kept my nose clean. I have never once said anything ugly or out of the way about other players (although may have thought it) or the coaches in front of DD. Positivity has been our motto. Blowing up in front of children, or not for that matter, to the coaches is uncalled for period - no matter the circumstances. I feel like when my DD is in the dugout or on the field, she belongs to the coaches. If she has to do 100 crunches for a mistake, so be it - she'll remember it the next time!

My heart goes out to coaches who tolerate ill tempered players and/or their parents. Flip side is if parents see their child being treated unfairly (I mean OBVIOUSLY unfairly), I feel like they have a legitimate gripe and should call the coach, or visit face to face, to try and work through the issue in a non-confrontational manner. Could be wrong on that and this, but I have always wanted to know what it was that DD needed to work on at home to improve or, heaven forbid, if she had said anything out of the way to anyone, I feel like I needed to know. It makes it easier for us, as parents, to understand where you, as coaches, are coming from if you can help pin-point some issues (skill wise or attitude wise) that we need to help with on the homefront.

Here are some questions to all of you who coach - When do you say enough is enough? Do you wait and let bully parents ruin the team, as well as their child or children ruin the spirit of the dugout, until it is beyond repair? Do you cut them loose when it first starts happening or do you think "maybe this will be the last time"? Would you field players because you are afraid of the aftermath of their parents if you didn't? When it does all come to blows with players/parents, do you own that any of it could be your responsibility or do you just shrug it off and consider lesson learned? Just curious what could run through the minds of coaches.

1. When do you say enough is enough? When the focus changes from team to individual. Or if the player decides its about her, not the teams objectives.
2. Do you wait and let bully parents ruin the team, as well as their child or children ruin the spirit of the dugout, until it is beyond repair? No, as soon as i get wind of an issue and i always hear it, i confront the player and parents together. I discuss what happened and explain there is no other chance, next time its good by.
3. Would you field players because you are afraid of the aftermath of their parents if you didn't? No, that changes the focus from team to individual. won't happen!
4. When it does all come to blows with players/parents, do you own that any of it could be your responsibility or do you just shrug it off and consider lesson learned? Just curious what could run through the minds of coaches? I honestly reflect before making any major decisions. I try to remian calm when speaking with the player or parent, most times their not calm. I did release a player at a tourney, just after a game once. (On Saturday) because of her parent. The player cried and started screaming at her father for being an A$$...

Having said all above, i should knock on wood, we haven't had any issues in a couple years. Now it seems the cancer is gone and the focus is softball. Players, parents and coaches all have one goal. Its not out of the question to see us end a Sunday practice and everyone, coaches, parents and players, siblings Etc.( like a group of 25-40).......all go out for dinner and drinks

 

[Amy in AZ.]

How many of you meet with the parents and players prior to the season and say "This is the way it is. No coaching from the stands. Do not come to the dugout. Etc.?" It works for me.

I know there is always griping, but the girls need to earn their playing time, after a certain age.

There is a 12 YO, that is a very good SS, but she got cut because of her parents. I don't think that the parents have gotten the message, yet.

 

[shockcoach]

How many of you meet with the parents and players prior to the season and say "This is the way it is. No coaching from the stands. Do not come to the dugout. Etc.?" It works for me.

I do that. Just haven't done it yet this year. It's coming up, though.

 

[mad hornet]

Maybe I'm missing something but why aren't those 13YOs trying out for a 14u team opposed to your 16u team? Seems they would have a better chance of making it.

I get the general theme though. You pick the kid, you pick the parents. I had to ban a dad last year. I figured he would find a new team for dd, but instead mom kept bringing her. Talk about wierd. We made it work though. She's a good kid, too bad dad's a crackhead.

 

[lawdawg]

How many of you meet with the parents and players prior to the season and say "This is the way it is. No coaching from the stands. Do not come to the dugout. Etc.?" It works for me.

Yeah - I have it every season but still have problems on occasion. My line is "the line-up 'ain't' a democracy." My biggest regret as a coach (other than failure to list a kid as a EP rather than sub on line-up card and her missing her at bat - long story) is that I let a kid play that shouldn't have because of parental pressure and team discord. I thought by sitting my DD and playing his it would quiet the storm - it didn't - others got mad because I sat my kid for his. Will NEVER do it again. I'm seriously considering the parent/player/team contract thing that I've seen mentioned here.

 

[3DD'sDAD]

A Wrinkle....

Just found out that one of the girls that made the team may be having second thoughts and happens to play the same position as the player cut with the crazy Daddy. Am wondering if I should eat some "humble pie" for Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend, or just forget the whole thing. We have another catcher on the roster that I am pretty sure is committed. Problem is that girls are busy this time of year with other sports and being in Grade nine (big adjustment) takes time. Because of Dad, not ready to go there just yet. Thinking of playing the waiting game to see if first catcher decides to commit. Driving me nuts!

Thoughts anyone?

 

[Country Boy]

Don't do it. There is absolutely no chance the father has changed his stripes. You are begging for a looooooooong season.

Just my 2 cents though.